To be hacked off that my friends, whom I introduced to each other, have both dumped me and are now best of friends?

[Clapwhenyourehappy]

I have been friends with two women, I'll call them J and L, for several years, separately from each other. J's children go to the same school that my DCs go to. L lives a couple of doors away from me and has a child that started at the same school last September.

I introduced J and L to each other at the end of the summer holidays, just before L's child started school. As soon as the schools went back, I noticed that J and L were chatting a lot to each other at school collection each day, which is of course fine. However after a while if I went over to talk to them too they would both go fairly quiet as if I was interrupting something huge, and they'd also both be quite offhand with me.

Then they both started to be offhand with me if I saw them separately, with both acting like they had to avoid me at all costs and as if they couldn't get away from me quick enough. They'd both sort of carry on walking if they saw me and just talk quickly over their shoulder as they walked off. They also both stopped replying to any texts that I sent them and I noticed that they both stopped liking or commenting on anything I put on Facebook, whilst at the same time tagging each other regularly for being such a good friend to each other.

I suggested a couple of times after this to each of them separately about meeting up for a coffee but both were very vague and busy so that obviously never came into fruition. I didn't think it would, to be fair. However they both seem to be socialising with each other a lot, even doing things like going to the cinema together and out for a drink. L always refused to go to the cinema or out to a pub with me as she apparently hates cinemas and pubs....

I have other friends, and I know I should just think fuck them, but it's really pissed me off. I have just a few minutes ago got back from the school run with DS and I saw J walking down L's driveway; when she saw me she looked at the hedge next to her as she walked along as if she was looking at it so intently she couldn't possibly see me or say hello to me.

AIBU to be fucked off about it all?

Being 'Wendied' is where you invite a newish friend to meet your established friend group, and the new friend then sets about turning herself into a Queen Bee type and isolating you from the rest of the friendship group.

The term comes from the Judy Blume book 'Blubber' where the girl in the story who did this, was called Wendy. It's subsequently become a popular term on MN for this type of situation - and is not aimed at the name 'Wendy' (I know a Wendy who is bloody lovely).

However this does not sound like a case of Wendying to me. It sounds - unfortunately - as if your former friends have clicked with each other, and instead of behaving like grownups they've decided to act like dickheads by freezing you out.

I'd send them both a text telling them that you are disappointed by their behaviour because it has become increasingly obvious that they don't want to spend time with you. That it's great they have found a friendship with each other, but that you'd expected better treatment from people who were supposed to be your friends - and that you hope that nobody treats them the way they've treated you.

Then I would block them on your phone as well as defriending and blocking on FB. Ignore them at school pick-up and find some nicer people to talk to.

I love how different people on this thread have different theories for the way the term Wendy started. So far we've had it originating from Wendy house play at nursery, the Judy Blume book Blubber, and the original MN thread

Anyway, back to the thread...

I think you've tried asking them about it, you've been friendly and given them to opportunity to include you, and those are the only two grown up options you can really go for. Anything else would look desperate or crazy. Yeah you could have a go at them but what's the point. It'll just give them something else to bitch and laugh about. Only thing you can do is suck it up and concentrate on your real friends, but it must be painful so you totally have my sympathies.

Getting a kick or something to talk about by pieing someone says more about them.

This sounds horrible. I'm sorry you're going through this but you're obviously well out of it as they are not worthy of your friendship. I would suggest unfriending them and then busying yourself which much happier things, with your head held high.

Polo

I was on the original thread where it started - a poster referred to the woman who was doing the nasty stuff, as a 'Wendy'. People asked why and she said it had come from a book - and the name stuck. 'Tis now part of MN lore...

Just out of interest, if they don't want to spend time with you and you accept that they don't have to, how do you think they should be behaving. People are saying they are being awful about it but if they don't want to spend with the OP they don't have to, but are people genuinely advocating and approach where you just say "actually I prefer these people and would rather now spend time with you"

Is it possible they are trying to let you down gently?

I have been on both sides. One where I bumped into people on a night out which was awful for me but I slapped a brave face on and wished them all a lovely time but never asked if they wanted to meet again (and was never offered so I think I finally got the message) and one where I have tried to be kind but do not want to spend time with someone and short of saying "I don't want to spend time with you because you are a horrible person" I'm not sure what else I can do.

YANBU. F-ck 'em OP. Find new friends. You don't deserve to be treated like that!

I am very sorry OP. But realistically what can happen next? Yes, they could be more pleasant to you. More grown up. But also, your u can't help/control who you just click with.

Do you have other friends and nice groups already set up, to focus on more right now?

Not really related to this thread, but the term wendied was not created on mumsnet! I've known about it since I was 15!

I do understand that they have no obligation to be friends with the OP, it seems a bit odd they they seemed happy to hang out with her before they met each other. Also it seems odd that they can't just smile and say hello. Blanking her completely seems like bitchiness rather than just friendships having run their course. I'd be upset too OP.

OP - take a step back and have a giggle - what kind of adult woman looks at a hedge rather than smiling and waving?? A hedge! In fact you should buy her a book on hedges and give it to her with commenting I noticed you were fascinated with that hedge the other day so expect you'll find this interesting. If any one comments just say oh yes she was so engrossed in the hedge she didn't notice me - and people will pick up that she is rude and you are laughing at her. - or maybe I'm just childish like this

YANBU op, it's a horrible feeling isn't it? Especially when you find the courage to ask what's wrong and they try and gas light you by saying nothing. I had this with a friend a few years back. It drove me crazy trying to figure out what I'd said or done to her to deserve the cold shoulder, but she denied there was a problem. The only thing you can do is work on putting them both out of your mind. The best revenge is to get on with your life as if you're not bothered. They're obviously far too immature to speak to you about it all so you need to accept you won't get closure on this.

YANBU
Op, do you think it could be to do with a dispute/argument between the children at school and they are taking it out on you? Rather childish, but just wondering.

How are you feeling now op