Partner messaging his work colleague he supposedly dislikes

[Sarahmai]

So my Partner of 2 years has told me since the beginning that he doesn't like his female work colleague and that she's overtly sexual in the work place and really irritating.

He said he used to be a bit of a flirt before he met me and used to flirt with her when we were on a break (for three months) because she's 'passably attractive' but there was absolutely no interest on his part. He would flirt with anyone before being in a relationship (this is true).

He now claims that she took him the wrong way and was hitting on him at work so he told her he had a girlfriend so she knew where he stood and wouldn't be interested. This was When we were on a break too.
He made sure to mention me so she knew he was taken.

He has always given me the impression he's a bit creeped out by her and finds her disturbingly sexual and flirty. This does seem true as the few times we were all together at work functions he seemed very unsure/annoyed by her and she did seem to flirt with him (she told him he look nice in his shirt and touched his hair)!

He only mentioned her briefly and now she doesn't work with him anymore (hasn't for 9 months) he never mentions her.

I went onto my phone tonight and realised he has messaged her asking her how she is getting on. She replied saying really good and how is he. He's not replied.

Prior to that he messaged her 4 months ago asking her how she was and again she replied and he didn't. He's done this on my phone. Thinking he'd deleted the messages but they showed up when I backed up my WhatsApp.

I know it's only a text message, but the way he went on about her you would think she was this batshit slut who was desperate to have him and he needed to stay well away.

He's hardly going to initiate conversation twice with her in 10 months if he's genuinely that creeped out with her. She's the only woman he's messaged.

There's something about all this that doesn't sit quite right with me.

I Don't know if I'm being daft but my gut instinct is saying he might like her.

He has no social media accounts so this is the only way he can message her. I don't believe for a second they're having an affair or anything. That seems to be the only conversation between them. But it seems a bit off to me.

At the very least he's looking for some attention from her, which he shouldn't need.

AIBU? Or am I being ridiculous?

He's not that technology savvy.

My phone backs up messages automatically but he didn't know that.

We shared a phone for a while.

His broke and he took a while to get a new contract.

In my experience if a guy is always talking about a woman, he tends to fancy her. If he didn't like her she wouldn't even register on his radar. There's not many women who would throw themselves after a man with no encouragement whatsoever but she may be the exception. I suspect he does fancy her but it's not necessarily something he's planning to act on. Could just be a crush.

Lots of couples share phones.

If he had wanted to be with her, he would be with her now. It's as simple as that. He might be looking for attention, but if he really liked her, he'd have asked her on a date.

I didn't say she was a batshit slut. I said that is the IMPRESSION he have of her

Ah. Much better then.

Maybe they were mates all along and he wanted to put your mind at rest by referring to her a 'batshit slut' or whatever lovely names you shared for her. Maybe he was saying hi to an old mate.

Have you asked him?

He might have fancied her a bit. He might have enjoyed the attention. But he's not interested.

It's just a crush. But he has no intention of acting on it. That's my take.

She may be next in line if he became single. Second choice 😂

Some men like to keep their options open and some hate the idea of a woman who has previously flirted with them losing interest. Even if they're not interested themselves.

Does he not have his own phone ?