Has anyone else had their dh suffer from this? I think mine might be and I'm not sure what to do to help.
Background:
Well have dd1 who is 5. When she was born I suffered lactation failure and really struggled. Dh stepped in and supported me brilliantly when it all got too much. Dd had colic and cried almost constantly for the first 4 months. We were a tag team and dh was very hands on and never seemed fazed. He was and is a brilliant dad. Dh wanted another baby almost straight away and patiently waited until I was ready. 4 years later we started trying again, it took a little longer. Then i got pg, and dh was over the moon. Talked to my tummy, planned and was really excited. Then we discovered I'd miscarried at a scan. I was forced to have a natural miscarriage as it was Christmas and the hospital was low on staff and insistent that I wait a week and be re-scanned despite it being an obvious mmc. Miscarriage happened at home and was horrific. Dh was devestated as was I. A few months later I got pg again. Dh was so cautious, as was I. Dh distanced himself emotionally from the pregnancy. At 39 weeks i experienced reduced movements leading to induction. Dd2 was born with the cord wrapped around her neck and needed oxygen to start her breathing. It was horrific to witness. We both sobbed hysterically but dd2 was ultimately fine and is now 7 weeks. Breastfeeding worked this time which has been brilliant, but she is a high needs baby. It isn't colic like with dd1, she is just grumpy and likes to be walked around. It's particularly tough during a growth spurt. To me, she is easier than dd1 because she doesn't scream in pain 7am until 7pm. She feeds well and is going up rather than down in centiles. She is fractous in the evenings but generally fine, she is just hard work. Dh isn't coping though. He finds her much harder work than he remembers dd1 being. He keeps saying he feels useless. I hand her over to him but because she cries he gets stressed and I feel I should take her back. He is supportive of me feeding but uses that as the reason that he isn't engaging with her. However, I express so that he can feed and a couple of times I've ended up giving her the feed myself because something he 'needs' to do has suddenly cropped up. He has admitted he is terrified something will happen to her and he is struggling to bond. He's also a bit snappy and wound up. Dd1 gets told off if she interferes too much with dd2, even though she's very gentle and good with her. I think he's struggling to bond and feeling the baby blues. I, on the other hand, am coping much better than I did with dd1. I want to be able to help him but not sure what to do. Dd2 is in the middle of a growth spurt so is really quite grumpy atm. I keep handing her to him as much as possible but I'm not sure if I'm doing more damage when she then cries. Any advice or experience welcome.