I've just walked out!!

[girlingrey]

This probably shouldn't be in AIBU as I think I probably am anyway. Just need a vent! I've just had a slight argument with OH and walked out and driven off. Nothing major, have 3 kids in the house, crap everywhere from lunchtime, piles of washing to do and general tidying up. The kids messing around and I'm trying to make a start on cleaning. OH only goes and starts cleaning his fish tank. Took all the filters out covered in fish crap and puts them in the sink with all the dirty plates. turns the tap on and the water splashes over the CLEAN plates that were on the draining board. Then goes back to his fish tank to get more parts to clean, dripping fish water all over the floor each time. Then tells me his mum is coming round for a 'coffee' it's never just a coffee. it'll always turns in to 3 hours of listening to her talk and I'm expected to sit and chat when I have 3 kids to sort out and a house to clean. all before taking them out to a party at 2:30. So, after realising that sitting on my still unmade bed upstairs isn't a good hiding place, I got my car keys and left. so now I'm sat in my car outside a random house 2 streets away from my house and don't know what to do next!

"when I have 3 kids to sort out and a house to clean. all before taking them out to a party at 2:30"

Why-there are 2 adults in the house-it isn't all down to you.

Take them to the party & stay out until time to collect them again?

Or go back after taking them,just say a quick hello to MIL & then go & do whatever you want to.

Of course men can do just about everything except giving birth obviously.
Priorities usually come in a different order to women and things women 'see' may not be what men 'see'.
No one has died, nothing particularly serious has happened, take some time out (although by now you will be on the later phases of your plan) and with luck the fish and kitchen will be clean and supper ready when you get back with the children.
Yes splashing mucky water on clean plates is a numpty thing to do.
Women don't seem to understand that cleaning is massively overrated.

Sadly, the patio comment has alerted me to the fact that's its probably time I invested in some Tena Lady pants.

Take the kids, & as you leave, tell him as he's made everything filthy, he can fucking well clear it all up. Go out, go & visit a friend, stay out all the time you want, he & his mother can clear up, if its still a pig stye when you get home, leave the kids with him & take yourself off to a film.

get a cleaner.

find a beauty place. have a treatment.

have a coffee.

go home

girl -you really shouldn't feel silly - it would have been worse to end up having a massive argument and really ruining the day...
I did similar once - even worse - on Christmas Day ....
I cook Christmas dinner (just for 4 of us - DP, I and 2 DCs) , I'd done all the shopping, wrapping etc etc (DP worked v. long hours inc Christmas eve until midnight)
DP had a restaurant and told someone he would do food (just canapes etc) for their party on Christmas day -I wasn't impressed.
I was even less impressed when he walked in that night with all the food for the party - it was near our house, it would be quicker, he'd be away less - to take it from there so he was going to store in our fridge/kitchen overnight ...so no room for our food.
He took 'his' food away to drop off at about 10am so I could get on with cooking etc.
We were going to eat at 2.30 ish - he went off to collect his platters etc at 2pm - just as I was doing the final most chaotic bit - getting ready for plating. He walked in with a pile of dirty platters and started piling them next to the sink - saying he'd wash them later. I threw a wobbler -and told him to take them back to the restaurant to wash ...he told me it wasn't fair to ask the kitchen porters to walk in to find dirty washing up that had been sitting for a day ( - but ok for him to piss me off?) ...
I told him to go in early to do it ...or he could leave them in his car/outside and do it when I had sorted out and tidied up after our dinner. He took them out... I carried on cooking and then went in the other room to lay the table...I walked back into the kitchen to find 20 dirty wine glasses next to sink - he had loaned them to them, didn't want to pack them back in the box dirty, had nowhere safe to leave them - so would wash them when we had eaten...
That wasn't my problem....it was his - where was I supposed to put all the dirty roasting tins etc?
Oh its only a few glasses ...you have plenty of space to work etc (I really didn't).
I flipped - told him he could deal with it, grabbed my keys and stormed out - my final words were telling him the roast potatoes are in the oven - and will be burning ...
Not a lot you can do on Christmas day ....especially when you haven't taken your purse . I drove around for a while and sat listening to music/the radio in my car. After an hour when I had calmed down I went back (thinking I was spoiling Christmas day for DCs) -glasses had gone, food was sitting waiting to be reheated, roasties were a bit 'over done' - I think he thought I'd come back instantly...so had left them in for a while ...
DCs were fine - hadn't really realised I'd gone ....at first he tried to say I was out of order - but when I calmly explained why I was so annoyed

he apologised and agreed never to do anything like that again (bringing the food etc home) without talking it over properly and clearing it with me first ...and he didn't...
And we later laughed about it...I did ask him how long he would have left it before he fed the DCs and he said he didn't know - didn't know what to do ...but he couldn't serve Christmas dinner without me...he might have made them something else...

I have done this!! Sometimes it takes this to stop them being so selfish.. I also (as much as I like mil I don't need to hear about his she has inserted a pessary for thrush.. Ughhh) do not need to be always the listening ear. Dh is her son.

So last weekend I did not cook (support on here) and took myself off this morning for a beauty treatment and from now on every other Saturday morning I am going to get a treatment done.

Why shouldnt we put ourselves first sometimes !

and hugs

OP has a cleaner already User, he's the 'D'H!

Go home, throw the door open wide with as much drama as possible and shout "it's me or the fish" and let him choose.

YANBU - sometimes it's the only rational response to overload and inconsideration!

I've done it a couple of times, usually when the husband AND the children have been playing up and won't listen, won't stop making noise and won't bloody help or anything - just taken keys and left. But whenever I've come back (usually not longer than half an hour later) the stuff I'd needed help with is being done, and they're quiet and apologetic. I'd like to say it lasts a while, but probably not very long - but it's stopped me from exploding like a volcano and causing massive upset.

Hope the children were ready to take to the party and you have a lovely time with them.

Oh my God. I feel your frustration. Why can't he see all the stuff that needs doing? Why not load the dishwasher first then do the fish tank? Gah.

Hope the kids are at their party and you're having a quiet coffee somewhere.

Go home, throw the door open wide with as much drama as possible and shout "it's me or the fish" and let him choose.

Just come home from the party. The kids weren't ready when I arrived to pick them up, all 3 were out playing in the garden. think MIL took a hint and was walking out of the drive as I pulled in. OH came with us to the party, hardly spoke to each other though! When I got home all of downstairs had been tidied up, and my bed had been made! The fish tank was clean too. Shocking how much he can get done in such little time when normally he makes them out to be such huge tasks!! I got a bottle of prosecco on the way home so I'm counting down the minutes until I can open it. Thanks for being my venting ears ladies

Sorry, that wasn't clear, he had tidied up whilst I was sat in my car 2 streets away earlier! when we got back from the party I saw what he had done

" he had tidied up whilst I was sat in my car 2 streets away earlier!"

Hopefully it wasn't just because his mum was visiting!

Well, either way, he's shown that he can do it-there's no reason for hom not to carry on.

Sounds like a good result.

Result!!!

Sadly, the patio comment has alerted me to the fact that's its probably time I invested in some Tena Lady pants.*

Lmao

Why weren't the children ready for the party?

Get him a book about proper fish tank care. He's a complete knob if he doesn't know you have to have a special bucket and cleaning imements just for the tank. You are supposed to siphon off some of the tank water (usually during a water change) and use that to clean the filter and any other bits. Otherwise the chlorine in the tap water destroys the bacteria that keep the tank chemically balanced.
So you've got even more reason to be angry, as he had no business swishing anything other than a bucket anywhere near a tap.
Then have a word about clearing up his shit without creating more.

Imements should read implements.