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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To drink alcohol but not take any?

49 replies

Userone1 · 11/03/2017 13:01

A friend of mine has invited me round for a 'drink' for her birthday.

Due to other circumstances I am struggling financially at the moment. I will be taking ds with me to her house, so I will only drink one/two drinks all evening.

I will have to get a cab to and from her house, which is money I could do without spending at the minute, but I don't want to let her down.

Usually I would never dream of turning up empty handed ie bottle of wine, regardless of whether I was drinking or not. I have got her an inexpensive gift, card etc.

I feel embarrassed. Should I not drink at all?

OP posts:

BIWI · 11/03/2017 13:04

Why don't you explain your circumstances, and invite her over to your house? Then you can use the money you would have spent on a taxi to buy a nice bottle of wine. If she's a good friend, I'm sure she will understand! And after all, you'd be treating her as well.

Miniwookie · 11/03/2017 13:05

Take a £5 bottle of wine or take a bottle of soft drink and drink that. Ywbu to turn up empty handed and drink her alcohol.

Trifleorbust · 11/03/2017 13:06

Drink soft drinks?

Bansteadmum · 11/03/2017 13:06

I think it's fine, you're taking a small gift and don't plan to drink her out of house and home!

WorraLiberty · 11/03/2017 13:07

Do you have to get a cab there? Is there no bus route?

Orangedaisy · 11/03/2017 13:07

It's absolutely fine to have a couple. If you weren't taking a gift I would think differently.

gamerwidow · 11/03/2017 13:07

I think a good friend would be happy to let you share their drink. I wouldnt mind in those circumstances.

Naughtyfrog · 11/03/2017 13:08

I doubt a good friend would mind, I wouldn't. I'd be more grateful that you'd gone to the effort and expense to come then worry about the cost of a bottle of wine!

Yellowbird54321 · 11/03/2017 13:09

Are you getting the cab because you can't drive OP or because you're planning on having a drink?
Was just wondering if you could drive there instead and not drink at all, then it would be easier to arrive without bringing alcohol, iyswim.

MatildaTheCat · 11/03/2017 13:10

YANBU at all. Explain beforehand if it makes you feel better but perhaps your friend knows how you are placed anyway? Could you message her and ask if anyone else attending might be travelling in your direction? You might get a lift or at least a shared cab.

If you are in Uber land they now offer shared rides making it even cheaper than usual.

gamerchick · 11/03/2017 13:12

Why don't you invite her round to yours and have a drink there for her birthday on another night if it's bothering you? Nothing worse than feeling bad when visiting a friend.

Personally I'm more bothered about my pals bringing their kids but I know a lot of people don't care about that. Lack of alcohol definitely doesn't bother me.

madein1995 · 11/03/2017 13:14

I think that it depends how close you are, really. If it were me and my best friend, I'd go round and she'd have no issue with me drinking hers. Likewise if the roles were reversed I'd hate her to think that she HAD to bring a drink. Would also hate to think she'd be embarassed and sit there drinking lemonade rather than have a glass of wine, because she hadn't 'contributed' any alcohol. I'd want to be a good host and try and push something on her That said though, if she's a relatively new friend or there's a group of you going someone might be a bit funny about it. Perhaps take a cheap bottle of vinegar wine, leave it at hers and then drinks hers?

Original poster

Userone1 · 11/03/2017 13:15

My friend has a physical disability, so her coming to me is out of the question. I don't have a downstairs loo. I always go to her.

My ds also has a disability, which makes public transport impossible.

I suppose I could afford a really cheap bottle of wine, but I think I'd rather have a Coke, than drink something I won't enjoy

OP posts:

madein1995 · 11/03/2017 13:18

If she's invited you round for a drink, I'd take that as she meant she'd supply the drinks/some of the drinks, not that you each drink your own wine/vodka? That's how things have been in my experience anyway - I might take a bottle for the host, but it wouldn't neccesarily be 'mine' and 'her' drink if that makes sense?

AndImAnElf · 11/03/2017 13:19

I have friends over and they always bring loads of wine and I have it left over - last time two of them said "we didn't go past the shop so we didn't bring any" and I just laughed and provided it all because they know I always have loads! Swings and roundabouts and I just enjoyed their honesty

SaucyJack · 11/03/2017 13:22

Why not take a couple of pear ciders or beers?

It would be considered very poor form to turn up for drinks empty-handed amongst the people I know- although we are all still stuck in the student mindset admittedly.

Original poster

Userone1 · 11/03/2017 13:23

No we wouldn't each drink our own bottles, but taking a bottle of vinegar and drinking her more expensive wine/vodka or whatever is a bit

OP posts:

ClaryIsTheBest · 11/03/2017 13:28

If you didn't drink anything you could bring a bottle of nice sparkly grape or apple juice (the ones that look like champagne)?

They're cheaper and you wouldn't have to feel embarassed or akward at all, right?

neveradullmoment99 · 11/03/2017 13:28

There are plenty of wines that are nice and not that expensive. Blossom hill is one of them especially the rose.

neveradullmoment99 · 11/03/2017 13:29

It will cost you around £5.00 or slightly more.

Alice212 · 11/03/2017 13:30

I think it's fine, you are taking a gift. If you were literally going empty handed I'd suggest explaining in advance, but you aren't going empty handed.

you might need to make a judgement on having a drink when you get there though - if anyone else brings flowers, choc etc there might not be a lot of booze and then that might be an issue?

Sara107 · 11/03/2017 13:30

She invited you, you haven't foisted yourself on her. You've got a card and gift so not empty handed. You're not going to drink the place dry, I think it perfectly ok not to take a bottle. If I invited someone to my house I would expect to supply the food and drink.

MrsTwix · 11/03/2017 13:30

This is why I hate etiquette. I'd hate to think a guest of mine was struggling to afford to get to my house and still felt they had to bring a present and wine.

I think if you have bought her a present and a card you are not turning up empty handed.

DioneTheDiabolist · 11/03/2017 13:32

Lidl do an absolutely delicious cava for under a fiver.

isupposeitsverynice · 11/03/2017 13:33

If only you were near me - I got about six hundred bottles of wine as gifts last year and er, don't really drink. I'd gladly give you a couple to take with you.

Seriously though your friend won't mind at all. She's invited you, not your wine cellar.

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