To be feeling so crap and worthless

[nicknamehelp]

I work part time in the business dh is owner of (when i say part time i really mean note or less full time) on top of this i do all cooking, cleaning,washing and looking after of 2 dc and making sure they are at correct activity at correct time. Dh works longer hours but does only a few jobs at weekend nothing in week at home.

He has announced as hid dm died at Xmas he does not want to do anything on mothers day and it will be treated like a normal Sunday- when i said but what about me? Our dc are still of an age they would need his help for any lil surprise he declared no he wouldn't help them. It is just too upsetting for him.

He has now announced he is away for the week of my bday also this month and as its work that must come first!

Feeling really crap unloved and worthless but apparently im being materialistic! Im not demanding huge expensive presents just some family time and acknowledgement for the part i play in this family!

Rant over!

Man child.

Can you have a nice day out for your birthday with a friend?

Prick. It never even occurred to me not to celebrate fathers day for dh after df died.

Tell him to bugger off out then as you and the dc will be celebrating at home. And mean it.

How sad for your children that he won't help them buy you something and celebrate the day. That means it's up to you! How old are your children? Could you take them out for lunch or something as a treat, leaving behind the curmudgeonly bugger you're unfortunately married to? You could take them to the supermarket to choose you a card too, etc, no matter how old they are.

How old are dc? Just wondering if they're young enough not to really understand Mother's Day? If not, do you have family / friends that could help then sort something for you? Only as I know at a certain age, they may be upset knowing it's coming but not being able to do anything for you.

Book yourself and dc something fun to do on Mother's Day. H is not invited.

He is being very very selfish. Is he normally a selfish person? Is he still struggling with his grief? If he's generally quite reasonable, could you explain you feel unappreciated regarding how much you do for the family and you expect at least a token effort for Mother's Day?

I think this depends on the age of the children and his struggle with his grief quite honestly.

What a massive baby!

Cock.

There's loads of women on another thread saying they can't bear Mothers day since their Mum died getting lots of sympathy but this man is 7 shades of shit apparently

Well if it was just the mothers day or the going away for the birthday I could understand, but both within a short space of time limits my sympathy for his grief.

I sympathise with his grief and his feelings are always condidered and me and the dc 9 and 7 tip toe round him and give him space but its 2 important dates i just want acknowledging no ott presents.

He's never normally selfish but since his dm died he has been and i am feeling i deserve just a bit of a thank you from him for everything i do and for giving him alot of space/time for his on going grief

You say yourself that his behaviour has changed since his mother's death. How do you define a lot of space/time for his ongoing grief?

Ive let him do what he wants when he wants. Ive taken kids out lots when he wants some peace. Ive often put his needs/wants above kids. Ive made sure when he wants us around we are.

Yes grief is hard but i feel he needs to look at who he has still here and give us some of his love now.

Sorry but the overwhelming message coming over to me in your posts is that he needs to get over it. Perhaps I'm wrong.

Christmas is a very hard time to lose someone and grief isn't something you can decide to switch off to prioritise someone else. Does he have any other support?

His Mum died only three months ago FGS.

A 9 and a 7 years old are capable of making a card, if a low key celebration is (understandably) wanted this year. I feel a bit sorry for your husband. The death of my mother affected me like nothing else. 3 months is no time. It's still raw.

Is this new behaviour, or was he like this before his DM died?

wow -only on mnet would someone who us grieving be considered a cock and a prick

It really has only been a short time. I still find fathers day difficult 10 years on.

i suspect if this had been reversed and the OP was struggling with fathers day she would be called entitled.

Your DC are old enough to make you a card. I suggest you tell them daddy is feeling sad because he's lost his own DM so you will keep things low key this year. Then do something different to usual on the day.

Go for a walk in the park with a picnic or a trip to the seaside with fish and chips or whatever works. Make it a nice family day and if dh is able to join you that's good but if not it's pretty understandable.

If he truly cannot be there for your bday and it means a lot to you tell him you'd like to do something when he gets home. Book a meal out or something. Buy yourself a present and again, get the DC to make or buy cards and small gifts. They are old enough to take to a small shop with a small budget to buy you a surprise.

Cut dh some slack and make some of this happen for yourself. It's very possible to have a nice birthday which you've arranged all by yourself.