I'm told I hbu, feel terrible but I'm stuck at how to reverse it...but aibu?

[jimijack]

I was telling some work colleagues about my ongoing issues with ds aged 13 and school.

He has been on reporter for several reasons over the last year.

Last week I received 2 phone calls (voice mail messages) and an email from different teachers plus ds came home to say that a letter would arrive from another one of his teachers regarding his lack of effort in class, lack of homework submission, poor attitude towards his work, silly behaviour.

So I spoke to his head of year, we have set up a meeting to discuss how to help him and proceed.
Me & dh are fed up of this. Speaking to ds, he says it's not that he can't do it, finds it difficult, he says he just can't be bothered and lacks enthusiasm.
It's his mock exams next week.
We have sourced a maths tutor as this is a subject he struggles with, plus he & dh have sourced an evening class at the college starting in September offering GCSE maths for any one who wants to do it, they are going to go together to that. He seems keen on that.

In the mean time, he insisted on us giving him money to buy some revision books for various subjects, promised to do 10 minutes each book a night...has done very little.

I have removed his hand sets and wires for his play station or whatever the hell it is he spends hour's on, taken his phone off him and threatened to remove other things from him if he does not perform well all last week while on report again....he has had a brilliant week, ticks each lesson, even merit points, so chuffed with him, so gave him his phone back.

Colleague says I'm completely unreasonable as he might be struggling to understand the work, should meet his teacher first then decide.

This never occurred to me, Felt awful, just like a total shit parent.

Am I being "sledgehammer to a tack" ? Ds has form with this, I do punish as I see fit, but now think I'm being ott possibly

Yanbu. Nip it in the bud. I was a fucker for not working at school and was largely left to my own devices - I do struggle as an adult with self discipline etc.

If you praise him and are supportive when he does well, like this week, that is positive parenting!

I don't see removing phone/internet access as anything other than sensible if he's not doing homework and not producing work at other times, it's allowing him to get back on track, and then his confidence will go up as well.

The idea of doing GCSE maths with his dad, as an activity, with a treat thrown in is near genius!

jimi it sounds like you are totally on the right track, hopefully those mocks won't reveal any really horrible surprises. Another thought about not doing work and messing around can be the child believing what they do won't be right and it is 'cooler' to misbehave and do nothing compared to do the work and possibly be ridiculed about the work produced. Dd has tod me of one or two stories about this happening following peer marking.

We were very up front with ds about how we were going to change how we were going to do hw. For a short period we even had a weekly email correspondence with a couple of ds teachers (they offered this) to ensure any potential issues were addressed. We saw improvements very quickly, ds confidence vastly improved and the change in approach and attitude were noted by all his teachers excepting RE

Good luck with the meetings op.

Yanbu.

If he couldn't do it then he couldn't do it even when you remove his wires etc.

He needs you to do what you are doing for his sake, keep at it and ignore your colleague, I expect well meaning but not helping.

Another teacher here and I agree that you sound like a great parent, if only there could be more taking so much care.

If your DS is 13 I don't see much value in a GCSE maths course if that's a weak subject for him, it will be over his head, he needs to get the basics set first.