frenemies?

[stratfordsara]

I'm in a bit of a world of hurt. I have a few friends who are mums from my childrens' school we've known one another for 6/7 years. We've been pretty good friends I think, but last night I think something became very clear to me. One of our mutual "friends" made a comment to me recently about how my son had started behaving "hard" in yr 6 but was now back to his old self. At the time I thought WTF and stuck up for him. Then I mentioned it last night when I was out with a larger group of mutual friends, and two of them also said yes, he was pretty "hard" in yr6. I'm pretty hurt by this and cross. They don't really know my son. School never had an issue with his behaviour, Ever. These parents never raised any concerns about his behaviour at the time. It's not the first time I've felt uncomfortable with this group, but I think possibly it's time for me to distance myself. I'm really really hurt but also feel that they are judging my son unfairly? My mum passed away in September after a brief illness and she and I were very close. Last night they were talking about another mum whose father in law is dying, and actually it just got a bit much for me; I just thought it was incredibly insensitive. What do you think? Ironically I'd have asked my mum before and I think I know what she would have said....

Presumably the friends are only going on what their kids are saying. Children behave differently in different groups and 'try out' different behaviours as part of developement- so he might be lovely and sweet with you, teachers, all adults really, but more gobby and/or boisterous around his mates in he playground? Clearly not anything too outrageous or there would've been repercussions.

To be honest what comes across more is your grief for losing your mother it's an incredibly traumatic time, and it sounds like you're still deep in the throes of hurting. As such I would let all the "hard comments" stuff go and not make any big friendship/relationship decisions anytime soon. It would be a shame to lose friendships over something which, as time passes, will seem very trivial.

Lots of kids behave 'hard' in year 6 - they're normally still finding their way socially.

Therefore I think you're being massively oversensitive on that one

And I'm sorry you lost your Mum 6 months ago, I'm sure it's still incredibly raw for you, but again, I don't think that makes them insensitive to discuss the friends FIL

It's never nice to hear negative comments about your kids. :-(

As for the discussion about someone dying, I don't think they can be expected to have your loss at the forefront of their minds at this point.

It depends if they are the type of people who think their own children are angels but think other children are 'hard'?

Were they making insensitive comments about this woman whose FIL is dying? If not, then I think you are being oversensitive I'm afraid.

Sorry but you are over reacting