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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To think some children are just more sickly than others?!

23 replies

MaryPoppinsPenguins · 09/03/2017 18:07

I've been called in over my DD's attendance being low in the first year of primary.

In fairness to the school, we took her out for a holiday to Florida to avoid queues, I had a lot of anxiety about doing it, I know she missed her friends, and as a result we have booked during the holidays for next time. I apologised to the headteacher and told them it was a mistake, and that we wouldn't be doing it again... but then she pointed out that our DD has also had a lot of time off sick. Again, this is probably true. She's had a couple of bugs, and has been sent home from school a couple of times for being sick, which then results in having to keep them off the next day too obviously.

It's been an unlucky year, illness wise, and I said this. The headteacher then said that I should arrange for my DD to see a nutritionist??

I can't help but feel a bit annoyed by this, and how it reflects on me as a parent. I rarely give her processed food, she has the usual too many snacks at my parents house, and a happy meal after ballet at the weekend... but I'm not stupid. I know what she should be eating and I provide it for her.

Then she said sleep could be a factor, and could I read about that... she goes to bed at 7.30, falls asleep generally by 8.30 at the latest and gets up at 7.45... surely her sleep is fine?

Am I overthinking this... do they say this to everyone at meetings for attendance? Or do they really think I don't know how to parent my child?

OP posts:

Original poster

MaryPoppinsPenguins · 09/03/2017 18:07

My message kind of deviated from my title... apologies

OP posts:

DonkeyOaty · 09/03/2017 18:08

What is her attendance percentage?

Original poster

MaryPoppinsPenguins · 09/03/2017 18:09

I'm not sure actually, she didn't say a number, just that she's moved into 'persistent absence'. Ill ask on Monday.

OP posts:

DonkeyOaty · 09/03/2017 18:10

That's not helpful to you really, is it?

Let's have a think. BRB.

SnookieSnooks · 09/03/2017 18:11

Please remember that the school has a statutory requirement to monitor attendance and has to report on it. They are mainly worried about their stats. I'm not trying to say the school is horrible or uncaring, just giving an insight into their point of view.

DontTouchTheMoustache · 09/03/2017 18:12

You may feel offended by these suggestions but other parents may not understand nutrition or the importance of sleep. They can't know every individual child's circumstances so they will start with the obvious suggestions to begin with. Try not to take it personally.

Trifleorbust · 09/03/2017 18:14

I wouldn't be happy about someone presuming to give me medical advice or parenting advice and would say so.

The Florida trip wasn't the best idea when you know she also has frequent bouts of illness though.

DonkeyOaty · 09/03/2017 18:14

Right. Persistent absence is below 90 percent or 19 days through an academic year. Take out the unauth hol, how many days sickness - you prob can't remember I'll bet! I certainly couldn't have when mine were wee.

Allthebestnamesareused · 09/03/2017 18:15

How old is your daughter? Going to sleep at 8.30 seems quite late if she is in KS1.

DonkeyOaty · 09/03/2017 18:15

So I reckon you're okay; just nod and smile at suggestions wrt sleep and nutrition.

CrohnicallyPregnant · 09/03/2017 18:17

First year of primary? Sometimes when kids start school they get ill very frequently because of the new germs they are exposed to- especially if they haven't been to nursery (or went to a different nursery to most of their classmates).

Just one thing- you say she was sent home a couple of times for being sick, which resulted in her having to have the next day off too. do you think there could be a different reason for her to be sick, so not a stomach bug? My DD (4) has a tendency to vomit with any kind of illness, even a cold on occasion. Nursery are happy to have her in the next day if it was a one off and she seems well enough to be in. Would your school consider doing that?

Screwinthetuna · 09/03/2017 18:17

That's a shitty comment from her. If your DD is younger than 5, she doesn't have to be in school anyway and (don't quote me on this) a teacher friend said that children can have 5 unauthorised days a year without being fined. Should just have said, 'ok, i will send her in when she's vomiting next time.'
If attendance falls below 94% it affects the school stats. Your child's health is more important than their stats though, so fuck em. If your DD needs a dr appointment, get it in the middle of the day if possible, not first thing. This way, she will get a full attendance mark.

SomethingBorrowed · 09/03/2017 18:20

I agree that some children are more often sick than others. I have 3yo DTs, same diet, same sleep patterns, same exposure to germs etc. One catches all the bugs, the other one rarely does.

Astoria7974 · 09/03/2017 18:59

What is she is implying? That you don't feed her enough fruit and veg? I don't get why a nutritionist is so important - back when I was growing up all the Hindu kids in my area lived on potatos, rice, and coke, we still got top grades. Does she suspect you of neglect do you think?

Justwantcookies · 09/03/2017 20:20

Sorry not helpful I know but I can't get past the part about taking her to Florida and she missed her friends

Justwantcookies · 09/03/2017 20:22

But more helpfully yes some kids are more sickly than others. Out of my 4 who all eat the same diet one of them always the first to get anything and always gets it 10 times worse than anyone else.

TinklyLittleLaugh · 09/03/2017 20:33

I have three healthy ones and one who always got every bug going, and actually the sickly one was the one who ate the best.

Anyway she has had IBS for a few years and, now at 23, definitely has some food sensitivities. I suspect her gut was messed up by a couple of courses of antibiotics for bronchiolitis when she was quite a small baby, but there wasn't really any alternative to that.

Although, I suppose thinking about it, she did get bronchiolitis in the first place

Anyway, basically I'm agreeing with the poster upthread that, even when they are all treated the same, some kids are more sickly than others.

Addictedtocustardcreams · 09/03/2017 20:39

Re the comment about seeing a nutritionist. It's not a protected title, I could wake up tomorrow & call myself a nutritionist. Unless the headteacher has someone they specifically know the credentials of then separate to anything else I dont think paying good money to someone may not hold any qualifications in anything is very good advice.

Bizzysocks · 09/03/2017 21:03

Could they have meant someone who would help see if there are foods that she is sensitive/ allergic to , not sure if that would come under a nutritionist remit. If so I don't think that is a bad suggestion if she is often sick.

But I agree some kids are more sickly than others, and people have different weaknesses. Ds1 is prone to ear Infections and ds2 to chest infections and your dd prone to sickness.

Moanyoldcow · 09/03/2017 21:05

Some kids are just sickly. My son has probably had about 15 days off since starting nursery in October (he's 4 now). I have taken him to the doctor multiple times because he's been like this since he was born. Nothing wrong - just one of those kids.

I will not be welcoming of the HT giving me stupid advice or questioning my parenting ability if it continues next year in Reception.

If your child sleeps and eats well and there are no underlying health issues you aren't addressing then tell them to jog on (politely, of course).

diddlysquat0 · 09/03/2017 21:07

rubbish. We go through a phase every once in a while where we get a run of bugs and then build up immunity for a number of years. My child caught everything going in nursery but hardly been ill since starting school, while others are dropping like flies. Expect the person that made that comment has not been ill in sometime and therefore is due a phase of getting everything going. You can then say very sympathetically how terrible it is that they catch every virus going.

Original poster

MaryPoppinsPenguins · 09/03/2017 22:48

Thankyou for all your replies... apologies for the delay.

I've been feeling really shit about this this evening and worrying about what I'm doing wrong so it's really nice to hear that a lot of you have also had sickly children regardless of what they eat...

We took 11 school days off for Florida, I honestly wish I didn't... but I've been working it out and she's had 6.5 off due to sickness. Predominantly through being sent home. She absolutely loves school, but my youngest had a diagnosis that floored us last summer and we felt by winter that we just needed a holiday and for my older DD especially to see us all happy rather than sad.. (generalising!) But I know missing so much is a lot. We do reading etc with her more than required and continued on holiday... but I know that it's the relationships and friendships you can't get back (as I've been told...)

I wonder if I should ask for a further school meeting and discuss her specific food and sleep. I hate the idea that they think I'm something I'm not...

OP posts:

Wellmeetontheledge · 10/03/2017 19:51

6.5 days for illness doesn't seem like that much, kids in my class have definitely had more off and it's fine because we don't want them if they are ill!

Maybe it was a bit of a dig because of the 11 days holiday rather than a comment on your parenting?

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