To think my manager should have acknowledged my email by now?

[StressedAndStruggling]

NC for this as details might be outing.

I'm currently signed off sick with stress, depression and exhaustion. Much of the stress is work-related and the result of many cumulative issues such as having to cover the long term absences of two other staff with no additional resources (I raised concerns at the time and got sympathetic words but no tangible support); managing an ongoing difficult situation with a very abrasive/dominant personality again with no real support; unreasonable deadlines on a couple of projects with key personnel from other teams who are crucial to their success being repeatedly unavailable for meetings/workshops etc with my head on the block for non-delivery...I could go on but it has been a tough time during which I've ploughed on while also managing a long term physical illness, and have finally crashed and burned. Senior management are approachable and say the right things but nothing actually changes.

I have been off for a few weeks now, a week of self-cert and then a sick note. At the time of the first sick note my manager was on leave so I contacted their boss and updated them, and received a prompt email in return saying take care, rest, don't think about work etc. (Email communication is fine btw, we're under no obligation to inform of sickness by telephone.)

I had a further GP appointment yesterday morning and have been signed off for a few more weeks. As soon as I was back home I emailed my manager, explained the situation and also highlighted a couple of things I'd been working on that I've been worrying about (which isn't helping my recovery) that I'd assumed I'd be back to pick up myself by now but as I'm not, will need someone to take action in my absence. I also was quite open and honest about how stressful thinking/worrying about work and unfinished business is for me at the moment. I even said that I'd found it stressful to write the work details down for her (because it had meant getting my head into "work mode" even temporarily, although I didn't spell it out to that extent) but if she needed any further information I'd let her know. I went on to say that as I know she and I should meet soon as per the sickness absence procedure (which I know about from having managed someone through it myself) could we arrange to do so in a neutral place as I don't feel well enough yet to return to the premises.

I've had no response and it's stressing me out so much, worrying that I'm in trouble somehow or that "things" are going on behind the scenes that I've had a panic attack this afternoon. It's hard to explain but it feels like this is hanging over me and all I need is a quick acknowledgement and that she'll be in touch about the meeting or similar. I'm refreshing my emails over and over again hoping something appears. I sent a text to a colleague I'm reasonably friendly with a short while ago and asked in very general terms if my manager has been in the office the last couple of days, as I thought maybe she'd been in long meetings or off sick herself etc but no, she's been at her desk most of the time both days. It's been almost two full work days now and I'm disappointed and stressed that she hasn't found five minutes to send an acknowledgement to a very ill and anxious member of her team.

Sorry this is so long but I was trying to anticipate potential questions / assumptions.

Ball's in THEIR court, I mean.

SansComic, your post WAS nasty and the OP replied to defend herself against the accusation of being a complainer.

You make it sound like knowing 'exactly' what you're entitled to makes a person a nuisance.

You may be a professional, but you're not a great one if you don't see that a quick 'thanks for the email, will be back in touch asap' is worth sending. Goodwill and communication are just as important as sending things of substance.

I currently have a staff member off with work related stress. Any communication I receive from them needs to be run passed my HR department before I respond. I can't even send an acknowledgement incase it's construed incorrectly. I would guess your manager has to do the same.

Hope you feel better soon.

TheViceOfReason the email was essentially

1. here's the situation with doctors/length of absence/treatment

2. here are a few things that I'd hoped to be back to progress by now that will need action and I've been worrying that no one may be aware of what needs doing and by when - brief details of a) b) c) (bullet pointed)

3. Acknowledgement that writing that part of the email was stressful but so is worrying that nothing is being done because people may not be aware, so hopefully this will help keep things on track if they're not already

4. Acknowledgement about the meeting as quoted word for word above. It didn't include any potentially litigious or overly formal wording as already explained.

I'm a manager, forward planning is part of my job, I care that things are done properly and I don't want my team getting it in the neck in my absence because something is missed that I could have prevented. I was trying to be helpful, not "I know my rights". My manager is not on top of things generally and wouldn't necessarily know the detail of the things I was drawing to her attention already.

I do take on board the sensible things that have been said about what she may be doing in the meantime, and apologies if I seem to be arguing back but I feel compelled to clarify where I feel I've been misunderstood or misrepresented. I'm going to step away now, try not to stress (ha!) and play a few games of Candy Crush or something equally mindless.

Thank you again for taking the time to respond, even if I have pushed back in places, and for the reassuring words.

You make it sound like knowing 'exactly' what you're entitled to makes a person a nuisance.

I'm pleased that came across. In my experience, they usually are.

I wanted to do was give a little reassurance to the OP that when dealing with someone like her and her situation, any sensible line manager will be making sure they do so absolutely correctly and this takes time. Not doing so could make life difficult for the OP and her managers.

It sounds like you're unloading your stress onto your manager. Sure, it's shit that they've been a bit lazy about replying but you have to remember that your reactions aren't 'normal' at the moment

this OP, you have done it . Now how can you use this time off work to get yourself healthier?

are you doing anything proactive to address this stress OP, as that's a MUST as nothing will change.

counselling
medication
walking
gardening
meditation/relaxation
swimming
country walks
listen to pod talks/anti stress

as if you don't, well how can you get better?

I am so sorry you have got into a right state, and its fixable but you need to focus your nervous energy on fixing yourself not stressing your poor boss out!!!

You do sound in a right state OP, but put yourself in your manager's shoes (and I think a lot of us commenting are also managers, so know as well how carefully these things have to be dealt with) it's a serpent eating its own tail situation...

Employee is off on long-term sick through work-related stress
Employee emails about current health situation and talks about work, including the fact that work they are doing at home (? sorry if I've misunderstood that) is making them even more stressed, and even mentioning it in the email is stressing them even more.....

The manager is going to pass it up the food chain like a hot potato. Because a) protocol will mean they have to b) what can any of them say? Even writing about work in an email has made you feel ill..

That's not making a return to work any time soon look good is it?

There's more to life than this op.

There really is.

I'm going to be honest: as your manager, I would be put out by the email you describe. You are off work with stress, so it is inappropriate for you to be trying to push projects forward and direct your boss. She is probably pissed off.

OP did you send this from your work on person email? As it's stressing you out can I suggest you try really hard not to check your emails again until say Monday morning. Then maybe only check every two days until your manager responds. Constantly refreshing emails sounds like it's only causing you further angst.

I would agree with others here that your line manager is likely consulting with MOH or HR as to next steps. Where I've worked our absence policy is all centred on phone calls and care calls so with email communication I think it makes it even more likely your manager needs to ensure s/he is replying in line with policies. I'm not sure of the size of your business but in places I've worked if can take a couple of days minimum to get HR to take on cases and they can be very busy. They will also want input from MOH who again can be busy to get hold of once they have a case assigned.

Although you know a meeting needs to take place as others have said let s/he take the lead on instigating that. You're clearly familiar with your company's absence policy but in tandem with that is the need for them to support you and treat you fairly.

I hope you feel better soon and agree with others you need to try to push the energy you have into feeling better, whether that's in your current job or perhaps looking elsewhere

I think if you are signed off sick you need to stay away from work and try not to pass your stress onto your manager and colleagues. They are picking up your work so leave them alone. I am also a manager and this would piss me off if I am honest. Others are right that your manager would need to consult HR and should not respond to you. You need to be off work and only contact HR or occupational health.

There is no way I would meet you at neutral territory. You sound quite ill and I wish you the best.

OP I hope you are beginning to feel stronger. How are you?