My stepson is stealing from me.

[LesSmiths1]

This has been a reoccurring issue. It relates to a thread I posted the other day about dss mother (who is a nightmare will link to thread. However I was thinking about this and I think it needs its own thread.

My dss has stolen £100 from my purse over 3 occasions. Money has gone missing from my dc bedrooms and he has used my dh and there cards online. He is not hard done by the money goes on buying more trainers and clothes.

He is not a thief outside he has never shoplifted as far as I'm away. The trouble is he will never own up to it. Even when I caught him with the money. Then we have dh's ex who will defend him.

*Ihave no idea what that first typo was supposed today - sorry.

*to say

Me and dh have agreed to install a camera and then report to police when he does steal. My dc have been told to keep money or personal items looked away and to have online accounts so that they can transfer money from an account without a card to one with a card when they need it.

I have spoken to dss and have told him that any future stealing will not be tolerated and that he will face prosecution if he does steal from me.

Dh has spoken to ex who once again has accused this of being a conspiracy where it's me and dh trying to get rid of her ds.

My brother was like this. I used to lock my purse in my car when I knew he was around and make sure I took all my keys to bed with me. It sucked, but at least he had no access.

I would let DSS know about the cameras and what they are for. That way DSS mother cant argue when CCTV evidence is produced.

Don't call the police, this can be handles by adults. I imagine CCTV would be enough of a deterrant TBH, after all you don't want this matter to damage DSS and his dads relationship or DSS and your relationshop anymore than it has.

Xstefx: I disagree. I think the longer he's allowed to steal for, the more brazen he'll become.

It's now a case of waiting for the stealing to happen.

What do your DC make of this? And having their money stolen?

Well done for taking positive action.... and I hope you are able to validate your suspicions either way...

Good Luck x

He also needs to payback the money to me and my children he stole it's around £350.

Anyone.

Sorry - -I thought that last post was a statement of intent, not that you were asking for opinions. You may or may not be able to insist on repayment.

He and his mother are obviously going to deny it until they're blue in the face, and at the moment you know it is him, but you can't prove it, IFSWIM.

I think if he is caught on camera their stance will be:

a) This is the first time he's done it - he was so hurt that you accused hm that he thought he might as well be a thief as be thought a thief.

b) He needed cash and "borrowed" some. He would have asked but he knows that you hate him and wouldn't give him it. He was going to put it back

c) You deliberately left cash/cards available to tempt him as you knew he was short of money

I really think you're "damned if you do, damned if you don't" try to make him pay it back. I can't see how you could force the issue. But you definitely ned to call the police.

His mother, who should be emotionally supporting him is letting him behave badly because it suits her. This isn't parenting - parenting is taking the hard option when necessary for the good of the child. She both wants to be the favourite parent and get back at her ex and you.

I can't see things ending well for this boy, especially if she has a new bloke on the scene and she starts to find her so a drag.

All you can do is make sure he knows he is welcome in your home as long as he behaves appropriately - i.e. no thieving or going into any bedroom other than his own for any reason; private rooms are just that - private.

No I don't see thing ending well for him. When she has had boyfriends she will drop him off here and disregard him completely.

Can't help feeling sorry for him - but at the same time, for his sake as well as yours, you can't allow this behaviour to continue.

It may be a (subconscious) cry for help - a 'please care enough about me not to let me be awful". He could be pushing things to the absolute limit to get a reaction - I'm guessing, obviously. I'm not a psychologist.

I couldn't cope with persistent theft, and any behaviour that isn't addressed is bound to escalate.

How old are your other children (I assume they aren't his half-siblings)?

Do they all get on otherwise, and has he got his own room at your home?

No they aren't half siblings they are of a similar age.

No he doesn't have his own room he shares with my son. It is rocky with his brothers and he often hates when my dc spend time with dh.

Difficult for everyone by the sounds of it - your son won't enjoy sharing a room with him, either, I wouldn't have thought.

May I ask - did you post a thread a while ago about your son and step-son having to share a room when your step-son was with you? If it's the thread I'm thinking of, I believe the poster was hoping to build /convert another room for her step-son.

No I haven't posted about rooms. It's not really an issue actually.

The main issues are mum and stealing and my dd has had a tenner go missing today when it was in her purse in her room!

Okay - thanks. Hope you didn't mind my asking.

It's really horrible living in an atmosphere like the one your family is in. If he shares a room with your son, you can't even put locks on all the doors (not that you should have to!).

Did you get those cameras sorted?

I understand he may have some difficult circumstances to deal with but please don't make the mistake of blaming his stealing habit on that, even more so he needs to learn what is acceptable behaviour and what isn't. I should know, my older brother developed a petty thievery habit when he was a teemager, he stole things from me and our parents, not money (at least not from me) but jewellry and random things (including my alarm clock!!) and never showed the slightest remorse. He was in a happy, stable family and had no issues, he was just lazy, immature and totally self-centred and just didn't give a shit that he was taking something other people valued. I found out from a classmate whose dad owned a petrol station that he used to shoplift chocolate bars as well, which was mortifying. I don't think my parents did much except tell him off which was useless. Funnily enough he is a hardworking, upstanding member of society as an adult. I think he grew up a lot and started behaving himself when he went off to university and had to get by in the world being treated as an adult, I think he realised he couldn't pull that shit anymore.

Sorry OP I don't have any answers except to hope that this is just a phase for your step son like it was for my brother. I wouldn't be so sure he isn't shoplifting though, if he is comfortable enough to steal from family it isn't a stretch to nick things from a shop as my brother did.

we haven't installed cameras yet as I haven't had the time but this weekend cameras will be up.

I think it is a self centred thing cause why is he buying things with the stolen money.

He does seem a self-centred, entitled little bugger.

Please let us know what the outcome of all of this is. It must be very upsetting for your DH as well - seeing the way his child is being encouraged to become a thief by a vindictive mother.

Cameras being installed as we speak.

I know this might sound extreme, but if this were my son I would want to live with him on his own, full-time, away from his mother and also away from the situation that's clearly causing him so much unhappiness. I can't see how it can get anything but worse otherwise.

I think you're right, Blether.

Unfortunately I doubt that his mother would agree even if the boy chose to stay with his dad full time - she is manipulating him and sadly he is too young to realise it.