Making DD go to college?

[minstrelyum]

My 17yo DD went to college in September. Due to hospital admissions and a diagnosed issue requiring an operative procedure she dropped out around Christmas.

She now wants to go work, and has a job offer, in a call centre full time. She has limited GCSEs and doesn't have Maths at C+.

I think she should suck it up and go to college for her Maths and a vocational course. She counters she is fed up of not having money, and has been unsuccessful obtaining a part time job for the past year.

So, should I "make" her go to college and put my door down? Should I allow her to go off to work in a dead end job? The salary is good for her age, but wouldn't be good even in five years after gaining a college Maths and vocational qualification. So, AIBU? How do I explain my stance to DD?

If she was 17 in early September, then she is the same year as my ds- another failed GSCE maths who would love the chance to drop out.
Don't quote me on this, check it with the college, but my understanding is very definitely that this year group are not allowed to drop out without furnishing evidence that they are receiving some kind of further education/training until they turn 18.

She wont be 'allowed' to drop out as students have to be in full time education or an apprenticeship til they are 18.

If she doesn't get her maths gcse and wants to work once she has left FTE then she could study at night school or use a distance learning option and get the best of both worlds.

The government might say people have to be in education until 18 but nothing happens if they leave. I work with some 17-year-olds who aren't in education. I'm sure somebody has ticked a box somewhere but it certainly doesn't affect the teens themselves.

I was pushed to stay in education when I didn't know what I wanted to do. I got bad grades and dropped out of university after two years. I'm now 26. I've worked in a crappy job for five years. Six months ago, I got a promotion that I thought would make the job less crappy. It hasn't. I've realised that I want more. But I have very limited options because my partially completed courses and bad grades mean I have to pay my own fees. I can't afford to do anything that I'd like to do and I have no way of earning more money because I'm qualified for nothing.

In comparison, one of my brother's friends dropped out at 17 to work part-time in a call centre and part-time in McDonalds. By 19, he'd had enough. He did an Access course and at 24, he was a qualified nurse. Sometimes, taking some time to think about what you really want to do is the best option.

Sorry but I think you're being unfair wanting her to stay at home because of how it effects your financial situation......which is what I think this boils down to.

I'd encourage her to do both, there's no reason she can't take a year out to work and study towards her maths at the same time.

I agree with PP suggesting apprenticeships. Where are you & what's she interested in?

She'll still be in education-ish
She'll feel more grown up for having a job
She'll be paid not much
She'll hopefully have pretty good prospects at the end

I did one after doing not as well as expected at college and then having a year of not much because of shit MH.

x246 Wed 08-Mar-17 11:09:04
"The government might say people have to be in education until 18 but nothing happens if they leave. I work with some 17-year-olds who aren't in education."

Are you sure they are not ticking the box in some other way, e.g. by doing the job as part of a trainee or apprentice-ship scheme?

If not, then I imagine the parents are laying themselves open to the same kind of issue as with school refusing or truanting children in secondary school, e.g. fines or even imprisonment.

corythatwas - the Government is not enforcing the rules. There are plenty out there who are getting no training at these ages.

OP personally I'd let her try it and see. If your DD has dropped out of college you may well lose the CB and CTC anyway, although you might be able to reapply (I don't know). The failure rate among those who are resitting GCSEs is very high - at least partly because there just aren't the teachers out there to teach large numbers of students who really struggle.
I would keep her options open and see if she can reapply for college if she changes her mind. You could also see if the Princes Trust has anything in your area which would help her sort out what she wants to do with he life.

If she has a heart condition that is exacerbated by stress dear GOD don't let her work in a call centre! I did it for a year and ended up on anti-depressants. It is a horrendously difficult job.

I worked in a call centre. It was horrid but i needed a job fast. Let her try it out see what its like to earn money

I always remember how I hated my first college course. I didn't know what I wanted to do at all! My Dad said "Leave...don't suffer! But you must get a job"

I was SO relieved! I worked in a good, fun job for two years then went to college. Re-sat A levels and went to uni the year after.

I wasn't ready at 17.

Its her life not yours

Can you join a course part-way through the year? She might find the job very stressful but on the other hand she might be quite laid back and if she is well trained and has stick phrases for awkward customers and call a manager it might not be too bad for a few month.

You could suggest that she works until August and then goes back to college in September. She does need that Maths GCSE but she won't be able to start a night course until September either, although she could do it online potentially.

Your financial situation should not be relevant and is short-term as you will lose the benefits once she is 18 anyway. And I think it would be better for her to contribute to the family from earnings, than for you to receive State benefits.

Most call centres are run by large companies so it is quite likely that they have good internal training courses and there would be plenty of scope for her to move out of a call centre role with training and experience.

Let her take the job but she needs to do her maths GCSE. I dropped out of 6th form at 17 to work. I went back to school at 23 for nursing.

Are you sure they are not ticking the box in some other way, e.g. by doing the job as part of a trainee or apprentice-ship scheme?

Positive. One of them has three low hour contracts at three different jobs. Another dropped out at October half-term due to choosing the wrong course and is planning on restarting again in September. Not sure about the others' circumstances but the place I work doesn't offer apprenticeships so they're definitely not on one of those.

It really can't be policed. As has been said, courses don't start all year round. If you choose the wrong course, you have to be out of education for a while. OP's DD has already dropped out due to being ill. Other 16-year-olds will have babies. Some will be such a nightmare that they'll struggle to get a job or into college.

so, from what x426 and mummytime are saying that there is a chance she could slip under the radar

otoh the government emphasis on education/training, though not it would seem always enforced, has meant that there are more apprenticeships/training schemes around, so it might still be worth investigating, or even as fairweather suggests looking into the possibilities of eventual training in the call centre

try to keep communication open anyway and make it clear to her that you are not on the rigid A-levels/university/graduate job mind track she might think you are on

A call centre job is better than nothing - but she is going to struggle to move any further than that if she does not have English and Maths at GCSE.

Getting a job with no experience and only college qualifications is extremely difficult. I gave up and did an apprenticeship in the end and I have worked my way up, I often wonder where I would be if I started at 16 rather than in my 20s.

I'm also in a position where I tried and failed to complete a degree in the subject I wanted to do at a young age. Now that I'm a bit older I would make different choices but that door is closed - there's a cap on student loans.

Honestly, I think being made to chose what I wanted to do with the rest of my life between 16-18 played a big part in trapping me in a career I don't particularly like. I'll save and fix it in time but I wish I had waited.

I think forcing a teenager to do something they don't want to do will cause resentment and potentially trap her into a career you think is best for her.

Give her the freedom to get real life work experience and go back to education when she's ready, she'll find it easier to get a job later with experience and she may make wiser decisions on what course to take.

Ha she not worked out that her failure to get a part time job is directly linked to her lack of a C grade in maths?

Try pointing that out and see if she'll go back to get the maths.