AIBU to not want to stay there?

[feelingselfish]

I'm going to an event with my DH and our two kids in a months time to his home town. It's about a two hour drive from us. His mother is a nice lady. Lives alone in the family home. He wants us to stay with her because she only sees them a few times in the year. I want to stay in a hotel we can afford it. She is in her 80's and I'm sure she doesn't want us there all that time although would never say it. there is nothing for the kids there. Not even food they like. The rooms we sleep in feel damp and cold and it means sitting there making polite conversation and watching the lads like a hawk making sure they don't touch anything in the house. I was looking forward to a wee break in a hotel. Now I'm just dreading it. Am I being a selfish bitch? I probably am. 🙁

Nah visit, then go back to hotel.

Let dh take them to stay with gm and you relax in hotel??!
Or one night with her then a hotel for all of you.

You're not being selfish. I would prefer to stay in a hotel too. I would however suck it up and just stay with her. It would probably mean a lot to your dh and his dm.

I think she would feel quite hurt and insulted if you did that tbh.

YANBU. Stay in the hotel and visit his mum.

Could you offer his DM a 'little treat' by booking her a room at the hotel as well..? That way she doesn't have to worry about cooking etc - and you get a comfortable bed. Win-win...

It's a bit unkind and selfish - buy and make the food yourself, take hot water bottles to air the beds. Take something for the boys to do and teach them to be respectful towards their grandmother.

I know. I'm going to stay with her. Good idea re water bottles. I will take food etc as we always do. I'm just gutted cosminwas looking forward to the break Ie no cooking. Relax at night. No stress.

Can't DH cook? Or order in?

If she has the room you should stay with her, she is family.

YABU: if you want a naice hotel break, head somewhere where that break won't uneccessarily upset elderly MIL!

I think you're being a bit mean, she's probably looking forward to seeing you.

I had very old fashioned grandparents when I was a kid (no TV, jigsaws from Victorian times and afternoons singing around the piano - and I am 40 not 80) I loved going there and have treasured memories of something that was totally different to my life at home, so I wouldn't write it off on the basis of there's nothing for the kids to do.

I don't think yabu. But I think you have to do it.
I've had to do it for years and I hate it.
My mils house is freezing even in the summer because of how it's built with really thick stone.
In latter years I started to take sleeping bags for all of us - slept in the beds in them of course, with the excuse that it would save elderly mil from laundering the sheets, changing the beds etc. I think I've got away with it. It's also a PITA because her bathroom is downstairs, so there's regular traffic on the creaky stairs all night - all the rooms are tiny and cramped, there are ornaments and bits of stuff on any and every flat surface. There's a Holiday Inn Express 3 miles down the road. I yearn for it. Even DH would really prefer to stay there,, but of course it would really hurt her feelings. I feel for you.

It sucks OP, and I get the appeal of the HIE but you really risk hurting your MIL's feelings and that's not on. Take supplies for you and the kids to make things as comfortable as possible and yes, do insist on that take away or maybe treat yourselves MIL to a lovely dinner out at a local restaurant. Maybe you can arrange a weekend away in a nice hotel at another time.

Ok thanks peeps. I think I have resigned to staying with her. She's a lovely lady and I'd be gutted if I upset her so I'm just going to go prepared and will ring today and tell her I'll treat her to a nice dinner out. Thanks again for the grounding peeps. 😊