To think DP needs to sort his own life out

[Wineismyfreind]

New poster so sorry if I get the etiquitte wrong.

I know I'm being a tad unreasonable but I am so angry right now.

I've seen enough posts so will try not to drip feed but apologies for the long post.

Met DP through a mutul freind approx 3 years ago just after he split from the mother of his 2 DD (never married but together for 15 years and split was instigated ber her but mutual) through a mutual freind and we became friends.

Met DPx a number of times and everything was always fine, I did feel she was taking DP for a bit of a financial ride but certainatly at the time and still kind of none of my business.

Through both her financial drain (she earns a very good salary btw) and a rouge (knob) business partner he lost his business and therefore income.

I have supported him financially ever since. This has at times put a massive strain on our relationship but he is working hard to rebuild the business on his own. He is currently working away from home as a self employed painter and decoratoer to earn extra money whilst he tries to rebuild his business and has a big job through a friend which was agreed at £xx amount to be paid at £xx amount per month.

We have recently moved to a new house (rented) and i agreed to pay the normal first months rent and deposit myself on the understanding he was to pay me his share today. He has just told me that he is not getting paid at the times we had thought and this means he can now not give me his share of the first months rent and deposit.

Technically I can afford to go without this money, though it would make things very tight.

This is not the first time this sort of thing has happened and I get he really wants to get his business back of the ground so that he can provide for his 2 DD and us and he does work hard but I am sick of him letting me down with money because he's not been paid (he's currently owed a fair bit) and I have to constantly find the money from somewhere.

Tonight he was supposed o fly home tomorrow (I have paid for his flight just in case his money didnt get paid on time) and he has just told me he is only getting about 20% of the agreed for the work he has already done. The rest will be paid upon completion of the job but this isn't what was agreed.

I have asked hin several times to just get a "normal job" with a guarenteed regular income whilst he builds his business back up to which he agees at the time but then never does do.

AIBU to expect him to just sod of this self employed bollocks and get a regular paid job for now so that I know what income we have to pay the bills each month whilst he builds his business back up.

Just so pissed at being told "I've got this money this week/month coming in" for at the last minute it not to be so.

How is it better to go away to do painting and decorating, than to get a regular job with regular pay, if neither of them is anything to do with his business?

I agree with others who have said that he is either lying to you or lying to himself when he says that his business is in trouble because of actions of others. I think he is just not good at running a business.

He thinks he is too good to do a regular job, but "wanting to be your own boss" is not the only qualification you need to make it work.

If what you say is all true then he's a total sap... though not too much of a sap because he's got you covering him eh!

If you ended it right now would he be starving and living on the streets, or would he find another mug to leech off, or would he provide for himself?

Seriously OP, you can do better than this.

He is clearly useless at running his own businesses / being self employed given his patchy history of people screwing him over.

Now he is screwing you over.

TBH I can't stand dreamers who think they are too good to work in a normal job, bringing in a regular wage because they don't like working for 'the man' / think they are better than that / whatever.

OP - I was in your position from nearly a decade ago (up until last year). Exactly the same pretty much! Financially irresponsible manchild (lovely guy though!). Refused to get a job as he liked being his own boss etc, but brought in no money. Always excuses, it will get better, things are picking up etc. Nothing changed (I also was doing 90% of stuff in the house too). Separated last year. I was worn out, worn down, resentment had chipped away respect/love over time. I'm still sad about the outcome.

You can do better kiddo he's a cock lodger. Get rid and look for a proper man.

"he has made some mistakes but he was taken for a ride."
And he still is being taken for a ride. "he has just told me he is only getting about 20% of the agreed for the work he has already done. The rest will be paid upon completion of the job but this isn't what was agreed." So, he agrees the price for a job and is not paid it. AND DOES NOTHING ABOUT IT. Indeed, he seems to believe that he will be paid what is owed when the job is finished. Err - nope.

This suggests to me that your DP lacks assertiveness, and is an easy target for shysters. Why is he accepting only being paid 20% of what was agreed?