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Original poster

To be fed up over my Husband

36 replies

samanthajayne17 · 06/03/2017 19:12

So my Husband works 38 hours a week. Today was his day off and he's spent it going for a woman's house doing her wall papering. He's been there since 12 this afternoon and he's still there. He said she's paying him and it's a work mates friend. I am so angry that he spent his day off in another womans house doing her decorating. He's helped another woman out previously as well and he spends the whole day. It's not fair that I'm left with the kids on his day off and he hasn't spent it with us. He said he needs the money and I know he Does need it but all day to paper one wall??? He told me he was on his way an hour ago but I think he so lot said that to shut me up as it only takes 20-30 minutes to get home. I'm so angry and upset

OP posts:
Original poster
samanthajayne17 · 07/03/2017 13:02

I didn't choose to be a stay at home mum. I was forced to. Yes I had the children but I didn't expect to end up in this position . When you have no reliable family to help you, you have no choice. I can't afford a night out, he can because like you said he earnt the 'extra' but I'm staying at home which allows him a social life, if I worked he wouldn't be able to go out as much as he does and he would have to help pay for childcare. He's not very supportive and he said if I get a job he can 'try sort it with work' but how can I get a job if he can't provide me with the days he might be able to help. He just expects me to get a job and work on his days off which vary every week. How can I get a job on that basis? Also his shifts change all the time due to other staff changing theirs and die to things changing at work. How can I get a job around that?

OP posts:
Gileswithachainsaw · 07/03/2017 13:06

Is he pissed off too. Not cos he spent it at another woman's house but more because there are things dp has promised to do here. If I ask him or suggest we do something about something he makes a million excuses as to why he can't.

A friend calls or his bloody Mother and off he goes....

Gileswithachainsaw · 07/03/2017 13:06

I'd be pissed off too

Stupid phone

Original poster
samanthajayne17 · 07/03/2017 13:07

Currently because I stay at home he's able to
A) go to the gym twice a week
B) go out on nights out when he wishes
C) take up extra work to benefit himself
If I had a job he wouldn't be able to do this as he would have to help with the kids so he's very lucky and I'm the one who loses out with everything
Yes he may work but that's only because I support him to. If I worked he would expect me to pay for childcare myself so what would the point in working be? Work to pay childcare? And I would lose tax credits also as our income would be combined so what would be the point? Someone has to look after the kids and that's me who then has no stability and it's scary.

OP posts:
Hereward1332 · 07/03/2017 13:09

Next time he mentions it's his money because he works and you're a SAHM give him a bill for childminding.

Original poster
samanthajayne17 · 07/03/2017 13:15

I hate being in this position. If he worked fixed hours I could get a job straight away with no problem I would love that but I can't because of the hours he works. He won't change his job because he says he would be paid less and I suppose it almost he knows and been on this job for years and doesn't 'hate it exactly' even though it's not a big pay so he won't change

OP posts:
ThreeFish · 07/03/2017 18:12

Give him a bill for half the cleaning costs too.
And if his hours are so erratic week to week, wait until he is at home and then get up and go out of the house and leave him with the kids. You don't need to have anything arranged necessarily. Go to cinema, go swimming, go for a coffee.
Take back some control.

cantseemtohaveitall · 07/03/2017 19:02

Your situation sounds so deeply unbalanced OP and your DH has all of the power and you have none.
You are absolutely right that he can only work because you're enabling him to by being constantly at home. You need to stop enabling him to have so much freedom at the cost to your own.
If you got a job too then he would just have to pay half / contribute to the childcare costs in a way that's fair.
Your children are not only your responsibility.

PollytheDolly · 07/03/2017 19:15

Well my DH earns £30k and I earn £6k and it's our money. I'm p/t so do the lions share (well all of it really lol) running the house, etc. So of course it's half mine and half his. Being paid for what you do in a job is only part way of what you do in life as a partnership.

Anyway your DH is being a selfish prick. Doing favours for others (ok, he gets paid) but sacrificing family time to do it. What a hero Hmm

Catsick36 · 07/03/2017 19:24

My ex used to tell his wife he was out doing secondary employment IE tiling wallpapering painting etc. The reality was that he was in bed with me. He'd stop at a cash machine and draw out the cash to show her and ran a work and personal phone. He was very good at creating pockets of time. I heard all his lies which was helpful when he tried the same lines on me.

Sunnyjac · 07/03/2017 22:01

Sounds like you need to have a chat about a few things. How old are the children? If at school could you find a part time morning job so that you wouldn't have to worry about his hours? So sorry you've found yourself in this position xx

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