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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

..to think I'm a bad parent ?

76 replies

Iamback234 · 05/03/2017 23:03

Hey,

So I have a 6 year old DD who has very severe eczema, especially on her hands and neck. Passengers stare and gawp at her, I've had several people come up to me to dismay how terrible her hands look, that it looks really bad and question what I'm doing about it ? ( I often get the sort of same remarks when I take her to the doctors).

What they don't know is that I've put DD on countless diets, dairy free, wheat free to help beat the eczema ( she does have actual allergens to this but they are not helping, though she is still on a wheat and dairy free diet), she has been seen by three dermatologist and is awaiting another appointment. I have tried various ointments and creams, we keep persisting with steroid creams though we don't use that often as they thin the skin.

I just feel so down about it, I do hate the way the eczema looks and feels on her skin but it does not help that people who don't know me point this out. Also, I have resorted telling DD to put her hands in her pocket ( I know, it's bad) as that's where the eczema is worse and people often look at them.

Am I not really doing enough to combat her eczema or am I just a bad parent that her eczema should of been sorted out long ago ?

OP posts:
Bettyspants · 05/03/2017 23:58

And no, you are not a bad parent you sound lovely and are treating to deal with insensitive muppets who could completely ruin your dd's confidence.

DailyMailDontStealMyThread · 05/03/2017 23:59

feckitt reported because you are a mammoth fucking twatted fuck face

bicky · 06/03/2017 00:00

Dream cream in lush helped my son, its the only thing that works, cannot recommend enough

Goodasgoldilox · 06/03/2017 00:01

You are not a bad parent! This is a tough thing to deal with. You have all my sympathy.

Two of mine had it - for years. We were careful with the steroids - and used creams/baths constantly. If they got a cold/got tired/were stressed - this made the condition worse and they would get less sleep and this would add to the problem.

A thing we tried after many years was a really old-fashioned remedy: we painted on iodine solution (antiseptic from Boots). I was most reluctant (as it is colourful) but it worked amazingly well. (Apparently it kills some bug on the skin that encourages the condition.) Do try it if you can - I so hope that it helps.

Goodasgoldilox · 06/03/2017 00:03

Note - the iodine solution was suggested to us by a GP who had seen us try all the other remedies.

Original poster
Iamback234 · 06/03/2017 00:05

Thanks everyone for your suggestions ! But I'm feeling a bit overwhelmed, there's so many things to try out...I don't know where to start.

OP posts:
BestZebbie · 06/03/2017 00:06

You say you don't use the steroid creams often (because of very reasonable concerns about longer-term skin damage).

Does that mean that you only do one application every so often, or that you use them for a couple of days but then stop once the symptoms start to improve?

I ask because the former won't do much at all, you need to actually put on the steroids (as prescribed, usually) multiple times a day for several days if it has got to the stage of red and raw, then when the...outbreak...has had a chance to heal up you can stop and go back to managing the skin with plain moisturising cream and so on. If you get it to heal up then hopefully you don't get so many bad outbreaks because you don't let it get to that stage (because it might only take a couple of applications of steroid to heal it again if you do it as soon as redness shows, rather than from bad) so you can avoid the over-use of steroids in future by catching it before it sets in.
(I apologise if you already do all this, it wasn't clear in your OP)

TellMeItsNotTrue · 06/03/2017 00:15

Child's Farm do a range of children's products and their Facebook page is often sharing before and after pictures and thankyou messages from parents of children with eczema. The children seem to like the range too, which makes a change from normal eczema products!

I hope the parents of this child don't mind, but I've added a picture from Facebook to show you, these pictures are taken one week apart. I deliberately chose one that only showed legs as I wouldn't want someone sharing a picture of my child. I did umm and ahh over it, I hope nobody thinks badly of me sharing it but I'm amazed by the results and seeing is believing

ScarlettFreestone · 06/03/2017 00:18

You are not a bad parent.

Some people are just ill mannered arses. Feckitt is an excellent example of this.

Rubies12345 · 06/03/2017 00:18

Yes zinc from the vitamin aisle, think it was sainsbury

ArtichokeHeartsAppleCarts · 06/03/2017 00:22

I second the use of probiotics and fermented foods if tolerated-water kefir, raw kimchi etc

38cody · 06/03/2017 00:29

Feckett
You may, with no good reason consider op a bad parent - but you are clearly not a nice person.

Op - have you tried wet wrapping? My DS4's wrists were like open wounds when he was 1, I put a thin layer of 1% hydrocortisone cream and wrapped in crepe bandages. They healed very quickly. He outgrew it at 6 and now gets only occasional patches although he does still have generally dry skin.
Good luck.

38cody · 06/03/2017 00:32

And what best Zebbie said - exactly how I used the steroids - you must keep on until its healed but you will be amazed how quickly it can heal.

starsorwater · 06/03/2017 00:34

Have you tried aleppo soap? Google it, it is very good.

feckitt · 06/03/2017 00:46

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

LilQueenie · 06/03/2017 00:48

can we just ban feckitt already.

tillytown · 06/03/2017 02:22

There's a product called First Aid Beauty ultra repair cream, it's cleared up my nephews eczema. If you are passing a Boots with your DD, squirt a bit on her hands and see if it helps.

PumpkinPie2016 · 06/03/2017 06:54

You are not a bad parent - a bad parent wouldn't be looking for/trying different things to help.

People are bloody rude! Clearly their parents never taught them not to make personal comments about people!

I hope you and your dd find something that works soon.

picklemepopcorn · 06/03/2017 06:59

What a lot of different things to try! Eczema responds to different things in different people.

I'm sorry you find people rude when they comment. The vast majority of people just want to express sympathy, I think.

bittorrent123 · 06/03/2017 07:04

Try pure potions - google it - a woman made it herself for her own daughters and it's now available on prescription I think. It won't get rid of it but will keep it down with the steroid cream.

Sorry if you've used it already - I think it is trial and error with many things and medical professionals having come across these different solutions.

bittorrent123 · 06/03/2017 07:04

And no you're not a bad parent - people are just ignorant.

IamFriedSpam · 06/03/2017 07:06

Bloody hell what are those people thinking approaching you as if you haven't noticed?!

My Brother also had terrible eczema when he was young he did all the diets (I remember having to ave a goats milk dairy free birthday party once). My mum found that if he was having a bad spell it was better to just go crazy with the steroid cream for a short period of time and that would help a lot.

My mum was a doctor and although little things helped she never got it totally sorted (once he got older it just cleared up). Of course you're not a bad parent, these people are insensitive arseholes. Who stares at a young child (or anyone for that matter) because they have a skin condition.

happymumof4crazykids · 06/03/2017 07:14

I find that my daughters skin got worse every time we bathed her so I started bathing her just twice a week with porridge oats. Using an old pair of tights or a muslin cloth tie up a big hand full of oats in the tights/muslin and put in the bath while it's running. Give it a good squeeze out about 10 times and bathed her with no soap or emollient. Her skin is so much better and so soft. I found we were in a constant circle of creams and steroids hell. She is so much better now I do this. I still have to cream her with her emollient cream after Her baths but I think that's just habit more than anything. I haven't had to use steroid cream at all this winter where as last year she seemed to need it all the time.

Frouby · 06/03/2017 07:16

You are not a bad parent at all. But as a pp said please be careful of following the advice of strangers.

Has your dd had a referral to a dermatologist? My dp suffered with psoriasis quite badly for years. Eventually got a referral to a dermatologist and it is 90% better.

Secondly make sure you are using the steroid cream properly and as prescribed. It does have side effects but you have to balance a few weeks use against the longterm effects of the condition you are treating.

Check that the moisturising creams you are using dont contain SLS I think they are. Aveno is supposed to be better than aqueous creams.

There is a prebiotic called acidophilus I think it is. I used it for thrush while I was bfing. But check with your gp first.

But I would commit to using the steriod cream multiple times a day and getting a dermatologist referral.