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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Aibu to tell my 7.5yr old birds and bees?

85 replies

Almostrubbish · 04/03/2017 20:21

I've been asked repeatedly this week so told my 7.5yr basics of sex. He knew that a man did something with a woman so I explained the anatomical implication, that it was fun but for grown ups, that it was okay to find it disgusting at 7 but one day he would be interested and a bit about consent/legality/age not always to have babies etc. What age did your children find out and how? Should I worry that he's going to explain to his 5yr old sibling before we get the chance? Does that matter? I am Curious as to other people's experiences and keen to know if there's anything specific I should add for safe guarding or other reasons? He didn't believe me at first and thought it sounded difficult to do (very sweet was relieved he was too alarmed although not enamoured).

OP posts:
AYankinSpanx · 04/03/2017 23:17

I know a 8/9 year old who has started to go through puberty. It gave me a bit of a kick to make sure that my kids know how to respond intelligently and considerately if any of their friends experience that.

It's not killing any 'magic of childhood' - kids can have the tooth fairy, Santa Claus and still know where babies come from at the same time! Grin

VilootShesCute · 04/03/2017 23:20

My 10yr old told me tonight that he's looked in the dictionary so now knows what sex is. No need for the talk now apparently Confused

NightWanderer · 04/03/2017 23:26

Timely thread for me too. Can anyone recommend a book aimed at younger children? I mean 5-8 year olds.

paxillin · 04/03/2017 23:29

Baby in tummy is fine aged 2. But, as AYankinSpanx points out, puberty can come anytime from age 8. Explaining menstruation should of course happen long before the event and "tummy" won't be enough.

thewavesofthesea · 04/03/2017 23:33

Baby in tummy is fine, though my 5 year old took it a little too literally. He was asking how the 'seed' got into Mummy's tummy, then came up with the answer.

'Do you swallow it Mummy?'

planetclom · 04/03/2017 23:34

How on Earth have you managed to leave it so late? Yes big deal it's just the facts of life.

turbohamster · 04/03/2017 23:35

Tummy to me means abdomen rather than stomach so I think baby in tummy is fine.

thewavesofthesea · 04/03/2017 23:36

Have told my boys what they wanted/needed to know when asked. They both know the basics. I remember going to the Natural History Museum last year, and there is a large, and quite graphic, display about human reproduction. Both boys found it fascinating, aged 4 and 6. Spent ages explaining and answering questions. The thing that shocked me though was the number of people who walked in with kids a similar age or older, realised what it was, and hurried through quickly with their eyes down telling their children not to look...Confused

MrsTerryPratchett · 04/03/2017 23:37

DD was capable of saying oooterus at 3 so I don't feel the need. Horses for courses I suppose.

paxillin · 04/03/2017 23:40

You'd have to actively censor aged 6+ to keep the "tummy" story I think. Even lift-the-flap science book have all the organs in there. And baby mist certainly doesn't freely float around in the tummy skipping with the small intestines in those books.

paxillin · 04/03/2017 23:41

most not mist

fernanie · 04/03/2017 23:45

@NightWanderer, my two loved 'Being Born' by Sheila Kitzinger and Lennart Nilsson when they were about that age. If I recall, it doesn't go into detail about the mechanics of sex but there are some beautiful photos of the baby in utero, being born, and breastfeeding. We talked about how the egg and sperm meet and then looked through the book to see how the baby develops and is born.
OP, I think 7.5 is plenty old enough. At least this way you've pre-empted the inevitable giggly google search in the playground and all the misinformation that's going to bring up Hmm

pieceofpurplesky · 04/03/2017 23:47

There was a wonderful moment when my son (live in the countryside) realised that the animals mating and sex were the same thing. He was about 9 - had seen the animals since birth and it was natural to him . I had explained factually about sex.

It just suddenly clicked that it was the same thing

TigerBreadAddict · 04/03/2017 23:58

I read this book with our 6yo as he was obsessed with wanting to know how babies got into the mummy, and out! Really child friendly pics and explanations that are nonetheless factual and use the proper terms (for PP it does explain the difference between foetus in the uterus rather than tummy!)

Let's Talk: About Girls, Boys, Babies, Bodies, Families & Friends (Lets Talk) www.amazon.co.uk/dp/1406306061/ref=cm_sw_r_cp_api_oq1UybEC9RN8P?tag=mumsnetforum-21

NapQueen · 05/03/2017 00:04

This thread has motivated me to order some books for the kids (eldest is 5 and no doubt she will soon have questions).

LoupGarou · 05/03/2017 00:12

The babies in tummies is part of something I don't like; women having parts of their body being either misnamed or misunderstood.

Tummies are where food is digested. Uteruses (if you prefer) or wombs are where fetuses develop. No one says sperm come from 'tummies' so why do we insist on telling children that's where babies grow?

I agree 100%. 3 year old DS knows the names of parts of his body, knows the difference between boys and girls bodies and has a very basic overview of how babies are made and born. He also knows that some women don't have breasts (I've had a double mastectomy) and that people's bodies can look different because everyone is different.

He loves natural history and wildlife programmes, and its a bit hard to get through them without thousands of questions being raised! I wasn't prepared to lie to him, so gave him the basics which we can build on as he gets older. Can't see him getting past six without knowing the full details as he is chronically nosey and curious.

YippieKayakOtherBuckets · 05/03/2017 00:21

I agree with pp that you have done the right thing, OP - if he is old enough to ask then he is old enough to know.

One word of caution, however - it sounds like you've given him quite a bit of extra detail and I would generally try to stick to answering the specific question that he's asked. If he is asking how babies are made then he doesn't need to know that adults have sex for fun, for example.

On a related point, you are right to consider teaching him about consent but there's absolutely no need to link it to sex at this point because it means nothing to him. Tickling is a good way to teach the concept; if someone tells you to stop then you must do so, for example.

ExplodedCloud · 05/03/2017 00:39

I've alwayalways tried to answer their questions honestly but simply. At 7 dd sat down and asked the question about how the dad bit and the mum bit got together. I assume that when they look squirmy, that's enough info Grin
DD asks intelligent questions so I think I'm doing it right.

shouldwestayorshouldwego · 05/03/2017 06:36

Explaining to my then 8yr old she was disgusted by 'the willy thing' and decided to change her career plans and find a better way. I then told her about ivf and she was very relieved. One for the wedding speech I think.

OpalFruitsMarathonsandSpira · 05/03/2017 06:42

I've explained to my children, but worry other parents won't like my children knowing or talking about sex.

I believe the correct response to those parents is, ahem, "fuck the fuck off, please."

Wink
Batteriesallgone · 05/03/2017 06:52

Tummy is another word for abdomen isn't it?

I'm pregnant, my abdomen is distended...the baby is in my tummy. Right? Confused

I mean I've nothing against explaining all the organs, but tummy = stomach is a bit of a simplistic attitude towards the digestive system. Doesn't make sense to me.

'Tummy pain' to a small child probably means a pain somewhere in the region below my ribs and above my hips. Appendix pain is considered tummy pain I'd have thought.

Batteriesallgone · 05/03/2017 06:55

My objection to the 'baby in tummy' thing is that it isn't a baby. I don't want my DC to find out about abortion (at an older age) and get the knee jerk 'oh that's killing babies' reaction. But trying to find a way to explain that it's a foetus inside, and once it's born it's a baby is not as straightforward.

Cheby · 05/03/2017 07:00

If YABU OP, then so am I. Im pregnant with DD2 so my 3yo knows the basics, as in differences between boys and girls, how babies are made, how they come out. She knows accurate terms for body parts, but has chosen to say 'willy' instead of penis (don't know why, she uses 'vulva' for her own bits).

She has a book called 'Amazing You' which covers the basics in an age appropriate way for pre schoolers, as well as a bit about bodily autonomy, safeguarding and consent.

She hasn't asked how the sperm gets into the vagina yet, but she knows where it comes from. If she asks we will tell her, because if she's asking then she is the right age to know (in an age appropriate way of course!).. Surely it's so much easier at this age when they are just factual about it all and not embarrassed?

My mum explained periods when I was about 9, in case they started when I went away on a school residential trip. And I found out about sex in Yr 5 by listening to some Yr6 girls in my dorm on that school trip talking about the sex Ed lessons they had had the previous week. I don't think my mother ever spoke to me about it, is far rather DD had some proper facts from me, that it's explained with context and when she's the right age a proper discussion about consent and her right to say no, than she learns from the playground and ends up with who knows what kind of ideas about stuff.

Booboostwo · 05/03/2017 07:16

M'y DD was 3yo when DS was born so she knew the basics then but has asked more questions now that she is 5yo. She has also seen me menstruate and has asked about that. This week she asked what happens when a woman has a child she did not want which was a tough one! I opted for a simple version of the truth about abortions, adoptions and keeping babies.

paxillin · 05/03/2017 10:44

Tummy is another word for abdomen isn't it? I'm pregnant, my abdomen is distended...the baby is in my tummy. Right?

Sort of, if babyish. Aged 2, absolutely right. Aged 8, the first of their friends (or the child herself) will start their periods. A bleeding "tummy" or "bum" would be most alarming and the uterus does have to be mentioned at this point at the latest.

I see no harm to start off correctly when the first questions come at 3 or so. Why tell them a deliberately wrong version of a not very complicated process to then go over to the right one 3 years later?

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