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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Or am I being fussy?

45 replies

Couchtofivek · 04/03/2017 12:44

I know I'm probably being silly but would like to know if this would annoy anyone else!

PILs are staying for a few days. They're nice people and make themselves very much at home when they visit.
Yesterday I got home from a long work day and a squashed commute to find MIL standing on a kitchen chair, head in my cupboards and every single cup and mug we own scattered all over the counter and sink. She said she'd "found the baking soda" (which I had planned to use today for baking) and was scrubbing the tea/coffee stains from all the mugs. We have quite a collection from DH's previous hobby of bringing one home from every place he visited (he travelled a lot).

The remaining bit of counter space had MILs electric toothbrush plugged in, two bags of oranges she'd bought, a large scales for weighing her meals and her phone charger.
The kitchen table had two newspapers, a coat, used tissues and what really set my teeth on edge, her handbag. I hate handbags on tables, they've most likely sat on the floor and I don't need that where I eat.

I know I'm probably BU and PMT isn't helping but was I being nuts in feeling rage at this?
I read somewhere before that commandeering the kitchen is an attempt at control!!

OP posts:

AliciaMayEmory · 04/03/2017 16:15

I'd be annoyed about the mugs, but other than that what they were doing wouldn't particularly bother me. I like people to feel at home in my house. I have a friend who hardly ever lets anyone visit her house because of her issues with tidyness and the fact they may leave a crumb or splash of water somewhere in her house. It makes for a very tense time when visiting and I don't feel at ease at all in her home. I'd much rather just have a tidy round after people have left than have guests feel like that.

Original poster

Couchtofivek · 04/03/2017 16:24

OP here, just like to clarify: I didn't say anything, I didn't lose my temper.

She didn't clean my cupboards, they don't need cleaning.

She opened them and took things out of them that she thought needed a clean.

I did say I'd like a cup of tea, and I did get one eventually.

Very much doubt they'd go into the home of a friend and do something like that.
Of course she wouldn't. Neither would I, ever!

OP posts:

cheeeeselover · 04/03/2017 16:27

YABU sounds like she was being helpful. If you wanted a cup of tea just move stuff and make one

Trifleorbust · 04/03/2017 16:28

BackforGood:

Maybe. If I was staying in someone else's home and wanted to show my appreciation, I would buy a box of chocolates/bunch of flowers/nice bath set/bottle if wine/offer to cook a meal/offer to vacuum or wash up, i.e. offer help with basic stuff that needs to be done every day. I would NEVER take it upon myself to do a pedantic little job that obviously never gets done like bleaching mugs, because it looks like you're drawing attention to 'poor' housekeeping compared to your own standards.

Ever read 'The Little House' by Phillipa Gregory?

BackforGood · 04/03/2017 16:41

No, but I have appreciated the odd friend or relative doing a job in my house when I was young and exhausted.

Original poster

Couchtofivek · 04/03/2017 17:03

Appreciate the replies, it's good to see different perspectives.

In no other circumstances would anyone consider it acceptable to start cleaning out someone's cupboards without asking first.

That's how I feel about it, I could never imagine doing it myself in someone else's home.

OP posts:

Trifleorbust · 04/03/2017 17:26

BackforGood: Me too, but there is a way to help out without crossing the line into disrespect for someone's privacy.

IamFriedSpam · 04/03/2017 17:32

I think it's a bit much to get out all your mugs and scrubbing them although she probably meant well. The other stuff I can't see bothering me, not sure why she shouldn't buy oranges or charge her electronic things if she's staying with you. I think the handbag on the table is also very fussy (I assume you eat off plates not directly off the table). You would hope anyone staying with you feels at home enough to leave their newspaper on the table. It surely would only take two minutes to move that stuff out of the way to start cooking (and wipe the table if you're that bothered about the handbag (that one is totally new to me!).

I can understand though that having guests can feel intrusive when you're working and commuting. You just want to get home and not have to bother with anything slight out of the norm but I don't think they've done anything too terrible.

FrizzBombDelight · 04/03/2017 17:35

Probably being unreasonable but I'd hate this too. Although I hate tea stains even more!

Trifleorbust · 04/03/2017 17:53

I went into my kitchen a couple of weeks ago and my MIL was washing up some cups - fine. But I was sure I saw her take some mugs off the draining board that had been washed already (by me) and give them another once over

I'm a grown woman and I really don't need someone making judgements about how well I wash up.

CheshireChat · 04/03/2017 18:00

It could be worse, DP got the tea stains out with bleach and was baffled why I rinsed the hell out of them .

IWantATardis · 04/03/2017 18:30

DP got the tea stains out with bleach

I came into work once to find a colleague doing this to the mugs in the office kitchen. She'd also put bleach in the only kettle to try and get rid of limescale. She seemed genuinely surprised and put out by the universal reactions of horror, annoyance and ingratitude from co-workers deprived of any opportunity for a morning cup of tea / coffee.

BackforGood · 04/03/2017 20:50

Trifleorburst - absolutely if she'd been rearranging the OPs knicker drawer , but I don't think that many people think the cupboard they keep their mugs in is so private that it crosses most peoples line of privacy, do they ?

CheshireChat · 04/03/2017 20:51

IWantATardis That's worrying, it means DP isn't the only one!

TBF I've now banned him from cleaning stuff with bleach except the toilet.

QuestionableMouse · 04/03/2017 20:59

I'd be really annoyed by that.

I've been bleaching my cups for years though and it hasn't hurt me yet.

Lilaclily · 04/03/2017 21:03

This is why I can't cope with my inlaws staying when I'm working

If they come they come for a weekend and leave Sunday night, I can't come home from a full days work and deal with them it's too much

sabzii · 04/03/2017 21:18

I'd be mildly irritated but it's only for a few days. I'd actually be glad she felt at home and relaxed enough to treat it like her home... isn't it more relaxing for you than if she behaved like a guest?

When my inlaws stay they are very tidy and never leave anything out of place, but I'd rather they moved things around and made themselves at home, then I could relax too. I think it's sweet your mil bleached all the mugs! The kitchen is a communal area for family so it wouldn't bother me if things got moved around.

I don't like bags on tables but would simply move bag to a chair, put tissues in bin, give it a wipe with a dettol wipe.

Booshbeesh · 04/03/2017 21:23

I wouldnt be pissed off at what she doing. But all that mess everywhere when u probably.left the house tidy come home to ur kitchen covered because someone else has decided its time to clean my stuff. Naaaah GTFO would have been ny response to all that the clutter. The mess. Oh jeez im breaking out in sweats.

Trifleorbust · 05/03/2017 03:26

BackforGood:

It's not about the mugs, as such. It's the rooting, looking for something to clean. It would feel invasive to me. I wouldn't dream of it in my MIL's home.

greeneyedlulu · 05/03/2017 09:20

Baking after a long day at work??? I find that the strangest thing

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