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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

AIBU? Family wedding abroad

30 replies

crumble82 · 04/03/2017 06:22

Seething inside but trying to tell myself it is nothing to do with me so please tell me IBU.
DB is marrying a girl who is half foreign, she was brought up in a different country but lives, works and has family in the U.K. They have decided to get married in her country, I don't have a problem with that, their choice. What I am annoyed at is that they have booked it during term time. DH is a teacher and my DD is at school, before they booked anything I said that a term time wedding would be a problem.
My DM is now making out that I am being difficult by saying that I am the only one who will be coming and I am looking at not flying out until the Friday. She is telling me that DH and DD should miss a day of school and we should bring a nanny with us to look after the DC so we don't have to leave the reception early. I'm a SAHM, we are struggling to afford just the flight for me. My DM says she will help with the cost but I don't really want to go begging. FWIW I haven't said anything to my DB, there is no point stressing him out about something that has been booked and taking the shine off his day.
So what I am asking is AIBU to:

  1. Be annoyed at DB for booking a wedding during term time despite me saying that it would make it hard for me and my family to attend.
  2. Be annoyed at DM for making me feel like I'm being difficult?
OP posts:
crumble82 · 04/03/2017 08:45

Thank you everyone for your messages, it is sort of as I thought.

BaldSoprano I just want to clarify that I really don't think my brother has done this to spite me. We get on fairly well (standard brother and sister bickering every now and again) and part of the reason I'm so cross is that I want to be able to enjoy the wedding and going on my own takes the shine off it slightly.

OP posts:
RainbowsAndUnicorn · 04/03/2017 08:48

I'd go alone after your DH finishes work on Friday and return Sunday.

When you book a wedding abroad, you can't expect everyone to want to do it or be willing to spend that much money going.

InvisibleKittenAttack · 04/03/2017 09:01

Another option - go on the Friday night you and DH - ask someone (Dhs family?) to have DD for the weekend.

Or you and DD fly out Friday morning - taking her out of school for one or two days is no problem, your DH join if he can in the evening, if not, just you and DD and as the bride comes from that town, ask if they can put you in contact with a local nanny to look after DD in the evening.

If you would like to all go, get your DH to ask the question about a day off. Otherwise, tell your mum to shut up, that your brother understood before booking this is what would happen.

manicinsomniac · 04/03/2017 12:57

Screwinthetuna - have I misunderstood that or did you wedding cost you £3000 per guest? Ouch!

I'm have been doing the highland fling round the kitchen table at every ' I regretfully decline' reply I received at that price!

happypoobum · 04/03/2017 13:19

I think YABU to expect your DH and his fiance to arrange their wedding to suit your DH/DC

YANBU to tell your mother to back off with her complaints about DH and DC not going though - it's nothing to do with her, it's not her wedding. You don't say DB has complained so don't worry about it.

I don't understand what the big deal is about going without DH and DC - won't you have a lovely time anyway without them? Think of it as a chance to let your hair down and have fun without the responsibilities Smile

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