AIBU to be angry at nursery for this....

[loveithateitmum]

Before I start I know that when anyone criticises your child the lioness in you can come out but I feel that the comments I received from my son's nursery were unhelpful and insensitive.

Bit a background. My son is 2.5 yr old and has been at this nursery since 10 months old. 3 weeks ago he moved up to the oldest room (2.5 yr old - 3/4 yr olds). My DD went to the same nursery but they didn't move up until they were 3yr old, so were potty trained, able to talk more and had greater concentration. I was a little apprehensive as I didn't think he was ready but I was assured that this was the new policy and lots of the 2.5yr olds had gone up with no problem.

Anyway 2 weeks ago the staff said they were having some problems with DS sleeping and eating. He was screaming and disturbing the other children. He also runs around, distracting other children and leading them astray.

At each pick up I would speak to the staff or manager and try to work out what to do, while working together for a solution. My main concern was that DS should sleep otherwise his behaviour is awful.

Today I pick him up and the first thing the staff member says is 'DS has had an awful day' running and screaming. My heart sank. When he does this at home we ignore because giving it any attention fans the flames and he does it more knowing it will get a reaction. The best thing is to engage him in an activity and distract. I said as much.

We then said goodbye and see you on Monday where the staff member then made it quite clear that he wasn't looking forward to it. Surely this is part of working in a nursery that you have to deal with challenging behaviour. I now feel very uncomfortable leaving my child somewhere that is not wanted. I am going to email the manger for a meeting and will not taking him back until this is resolved or we leave.

Am I being over sensitive and unreasonable? I feel like I can't see the wood for the trees. Also I'm not a mum who excuses my children's behaviour and will let them know when they are being badly behaved but I feel he is a spirited 2.5 yr old boy???

Op your ds sounds a lot like my dd. She does ramp it up when told off or not to do something.
She was challenging for nursery. And is still in reception.

I agree with pp it is silly to move them up at certain age rather than development. However, they do go to school at a set age.
She is so active i worry about adhd. But also she suffers from ear infections since starting nursery at 3.3 and that has made her behaviour worse. So i think its been glue ear.

Im sure some staff did dread to see dd. But eventually they did appreciate that she is bright and perhaps just different to the other dc. In fact she struggles with a lack of attention in a group environment but is good 1-2-1

Thank you so much for these replies. I was really disheartened and thinking i was being over sensitive but reading these replies have really helped.

I wonder if nursery is the setting for him at the moment. Perhaps a child minder/nanny share where he can get more attention. Hopefully in September he will have a place at the preschool at the primary where my DD goes. So I just need childcare until then.

Plus if you give a child or anyone for that matter a bad name. They will live up to it.

He is 2 years old, he is supposed to run around and be noisy!

You're not oversensitive at all, and you're doing exactly the right thing to take it straight to the manager. This would have been taken very seriously in the nurseries I've worked in, and that member of staff needs some urgent training in working with 2 year olds and relationships with parents.

If you don't get an immediate apology and the manager sorting this out to the point you feel ok with it, then it's the wrong nursery. There are so many lovely ones out there with great staff who get toddlers, love being with them and will appreciate your ds the way he deserves.

"I would.punish dd if she didn't Dona's asked first time"

"At two-and-a-half? hmm"

Yes, doesn't everyone? Well, punish is the wrong word- correct the behaviour.

DD1 can be a demon, ever since hitting 2. After months of constant reinforcement of expectations, lots of chats about being nice to people and putting in her room when the head starts spinning, she's getting much better.

Toddlers struggle to self regulate- precisely why now is the time to teach them. The nursery can't be as strict as you OP- it has to be you who sets the boundaries. Its terrifically hard (believe me, I know) but it won't get easier.

As to the worker- she was rude; but I think I'd go mad doing that job, so I might be inclined to let a one-off slide; especially on a Friday afternoon.

Far too much is being expected of him. Of course he's acting out, he doesn't have the vocabulary to express his upset. He's merely reacting to the environment around him.

If a child has only negative behaviour commented on then eventually they think negatively about themselves.

The member of staff has/is being extremely unprofessional.

Write your all your concerns down, request a meeting with the nursery manager and go through them. If you aren't happy with the outcome then I'd seriously consider placing your DS elsewhere. Somewhere he will feel valued.

poor little thing

The fact they they have a rigid age for moving up isn't great in my mind combined with the fact that they seem to have unreasonable expectations for toddlers in general. He should be spending most of his day running about, not involved in structured activities, there shouldn't be many expectations beyond the obvious safety and practical rules (gentle hands, no snatching, now it's time for lunch etc. etc.).

I hate the attitude that this kid can behave well at x years old so all should be able to. Some kids walk at 8 months some walk at 18 months and there's a similar range in terms of emotional development and the ability to sit still and follow instructions. It evens out as they get older but the range for 2.5 year olds is absolutely huge.

It is quite possible that the member of staff you spoke to is causing some difficult behaviour in your dc. Your dc may be picking up on how the staff member feels and acting up because of it. yanbu at all, i hope that you get it sorted.

Oh bless his little heart! YANBU!

As a nursery manager, this is awful. Yanbu.
He needs to be with children his own age. There is a huge leap from pre school to 2.5 years.
I would Be moving him asap.
How dare the nursery worker be so unprofessional to let on how he feels about your child.

Oh and we have ages 2-3 in our room. Can only join if they are 2 before September.
Our youngest (august baby) never listens.
It's not an issue. He's a good 10 months younger than some children. The key worker system is in place to help relive disturbances and help with behaviour and learning.

insancerre

Totally unprofessional!

I agree.