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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU or is she?

41 replies

Songbirdthatsings · 03/03/2017 15:54

Hi all,

So a really odd, and random one for me but being made to feel like i'm slightly crazy.

So a close friend of mine whom i've known some years has fallen out with me big style because i've had to bail her out to pay her bills on multiple occasions, and this last time i've refused!

I told her very politely that even though she knows I will help her out where I can that she cannot expect me to bail her out every time she is short on funds, with little notice, and needs to plan her own finances better.

She's had a total melt down, gone around and told all our other friends that i'm a bad friend and that i've pushed her away. I tried to politely tell her that as a friend I wouldn't put her in the same position she has put me in month on end when i'm not exactly rich myself.

She is now completely refusing to speak to me, and a couple of friends have basically said that I should have just carried on doing it to keep her happy!!

Don't get me wrong she does pay me back... Eventually... However I didn't think I was being unreasonable to ask her, as an adult with her own family, to keep her own finances under control and not to use me as a bank when she is short? I was so set that I was right until other friends said that I should basically just accept it and help her...

So.... AIBU?

OP posts:
KC225 · 03/03/2017 16:49

'Give her a warning to plan her finances' you have got to be kidding, she is a friend not a bank.

You have found out the hard way ho much she thinks of your friendship. You have helped her on several occasions, rest assured you have been a good friend and she needs to learn how to be one.

Vegansnake · 03/03/2017 16:51

That's a user ,not a friend...

MrDacresEUSubsidy · 03/03/2017 16:52

YANBU. It's lovely to help someone out if you can, but her reaction speaks volumes. I can understand if she is frustrated and worried about paying her bills but you aren't a charity and you have your own commitments. It's extremely unfair, entitled and rude of her to kick off - and I can only assume your friends are on glue if they think you should carry on bailing her out.

As PP have said, let your other 'friends' put their hands in THEIR pockets to help out if they feel so strongly about it.

Maverick66 · 03/03/2017 16:57

The old adage "only as good as your last sandwich comes to mind".
If she is a true friend then she wouldn't keep putting you in this position.

spongebob5 · 03/03/2017 16:58

Send Little woolies group text, then breathe a sigh of relief that you're rid of these people. You are not a bank, you said that she takes her time paying you back so it won't be any loss to you.

louloulottie · 03/03/2017 17:00

What a dick. She's an adult she should learn from her previous errors re poor financial planning. It's acceptable to help friends out like this once or twice, but not continuously. She sounds very childish & she needs to grow up. She's actually really cheeky asking you repeatedly & expecting the financial help, not to mention selfish re not considering that she asks you at times when you are a bit skint yourself. Tell her to piss off, she's no friend. Cheeky people like that make my piss boil.

MrsMozart · 03/03/2017 17:01

Nope, YANBU. Been there, done that. People will just take and will justify it to themselves. When you say 'Sorry, but no/enough/stop' then you're the bad guy. It's barking.

KeemaNaan · 03/03/2017 17:03

Tell your other friends that they should lend her the money if they're that bothered about it.

A friend who was always using you as a cash point and goes off on one if you say no, is not a friend, she's a giant piss taker.

Pinotwoman82 · 03/03/2017 17:05

Well I'd tell the other friends to lend her the money

WhereYouLeftIt · 03/03/2017 17:05

YANBU.

"She is now completely refusing to speak to me, and a couple of friends have basically said that I should have just carried on doing it to keep her happy!!"
She is not a friend. They are not your friends. I think I would send littlewoollypervert's suggested group text. You have nothing to lose here.

DonkeysDontRideBicycles · 03/03/2017 17:07

Yanbu and it's a pity some of your friends don't stop and think before they listen to her bleats.

RebootYourEngine · 03/03/2017 17:10

YANBU what a bitch she and your 'friends' are.

TheMysteriousJackelope · 03/03/2017 17:29

YANBU. At all.

Jaxhog · 03/03/2017 17:45

Why don't the other friends help her out, then?
This

You can't continue to be her personal bank! Let them take a turn if they feel so strongly.

Original poster
Songbirdthatsings · 04/03/2017 13:59

Thank you all for your comments. Its nice to know I'm not going bloody mad here!!
As previously mentioned she is the sort to not be able to pay the electric bill but will spend £60 in a week on takeaways and other assorted crap.
I think deep down she knew this crack down was happening, as I expressed my displeasure shall we say, last time we met.
Friends of course all run the other way when money is mentioned Hmm
I've told her that if she's going to be like this she is clearly no friend and cut all contact.

OP posts:
PuddleJumper01 · 04/03/2017 14:07

Horrible situation Songbird. Chin up,onwards and upwards. Hopefully make some new friends soon. Flowers

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