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Original poster

First wedding anniversary

22 replies

Oddsocksforeveryone · 03/03/2017 09:38

We've just celebrated our first wedding anniversary. With kids/work etc etc we didn't actually end up doing any of the things we planned but still enjoyed the day. I posted on Facebook about it, it was a happy day.

Neither of our parents contacted us in any way on the day, wedding anniversaries are something I assume just a couple celebrates unless they are major ones so no big deal there but I did think maybe with it being our first (and its been an eventful year) they might have said something.
I did whatsapp my mum at lunch time to tell her, she recieved but didn't open the message. I texted her in the evening telling her it was our anniversary and she replied something along the lines of "oh was it" and just started talking about herself. That's pretty standard so again no real problem.
However, I've had a text today saying that I should have tagged her in my facebook post? To remind her it was my anniversary or so she could be seen to comment ?

I've never been married before but it didn't even occur to me to tag my mother in my "we've been married a year today!" or similar post, I tagged my husband.
Should I have tagged our parents or is that weird?
I don't twitter or instagram or Snapchat so maybe I'm just not up on social media etiquette. If I should have tagged her are there other events that I should be linking them in on?

If it makes a difference we are reasonably close to our parents but our mothers are both, let say complicated. This is obviously an open forum and I don't want to say anything that they would find unkind even if it's true hence the vagueness.

OP posts:
TheProblemOfSusan · 03/03/2017 09:41

No, that's odd. Like you I think it's a thing for the couple though it's lovely when people think of you - but if your mum wants to remember you anniversary and celebrate with a kind word that's on her to remember, not for you to remind her!

I also don't see how you could have tagged her in a nice anniversary post without it looking a bit weird - "Celebrating first wedding anniversary with DH! And mum!". Hmm

Underthemoonlight · 03/03/2017 09:46

Your wedding anniversary is personal and a special occasion to you but not to everyone else. We only get cards because we got married on our daughters birthday otherwise family wouldn't bother

2beesornot2beesthatisthehoney · 03/03/2017 09:48

Congratulations to you both on your first wedding anniversary. Flowers

Can't help with social media etiquette, don't understand it, but surely the same etiquette applies to all situations? Are you thinking this through too much because of the lack of acknowledgement of your special day?

FWIW my inlaws didn't send a card or anything for our anniversaries ;theirs are always low key, my parents, on the other hand , celebrate every year like it's a big one and still send us a card and gift every year at ours. So their reactions depend on how they view their own celebration.
Ours are always nice, but personal to us.

Bantanddec · 03/03/2017 09:49

"Seen to comment" so she only cares that other people think she cares? Wtf

CurlyBlueberry · 03/03/2017 09:51

Well you whatsapped her to tell her, so she should have known IMO (even if she didn't remember by herself). Tagging an unrelated person in your anniversary memory is a little weird. I think she is being unreasonable.

Floridasunset · 03/03/2017 09:58

I don't think you are unreasonable to expect an acknowledgement from you mum. We buy cards and gifts for close family members on their anniversaries and send cards to close friends. We receive the same for our anniversary

fernanie · 03/03/2017 09:58

I would think it was totally weird if one of my friends tagged her mum in an "it's our first anniversary!" post. Like, what, yours and your mum's??! Confused
She's being unreasonable. Also can't believe she even needed a prompt to remember your anniversary at all! Doesn't she have a calendar? Does she remember people's birthdays? My mum makes a bigger deal out of my anniversary than I do - it's borderline embarrassing!

Original poster
Oddsocksforeveryone · 03/03/2017 10:00

Sorry @Bantanddec they were my questions not quote. What she actually said was:
"Your anniversary was on Facebook. You forgot to tag me 😦"
The anniversary was almost a week ago but she sent that this morning having realised it was on Facebook. She likes to make a show of being lovely/helpful etc even if it's not as it appears that's why I said the to be seen comment.
Because I whatsapped and messaged her, but she's upset I didn't tag her in a Facebook post? I guess that's why I'm assuming it was for the show if you see what I mean? The lack of acknowledgement doesn't matter, but instead of day me being upset that she didn't remember, she's upset I didn't include her in the post?

OP posts:
BreatheDeep · 03/03/2017 10:03

She's the weird one! It's not normal to tag someone in a post just to remind them. She had 3 ways from you to remember anyway - Facebook post which would have shown on her timeline, WhatsApp message and text. Any one of those could have prompted her to post on your Facebook so that she could "be seen to comment"!

2beesornot2beesthatisthehoney · 03/03/2017 10:19

Ahh so this tagging reminder was all about her, not your anniversary. I assume from your OP there is history to the showy behaviour. So it's the DM problem you knew about already?

Notanotherpawpatrol · 03/03/2017 10:28

Ahhh yes, the tagging so she sees it and comments so everyone knows how amazing she is whilst in real life not giving an actual shit. Yep. We have this with my sil. She is the perfect aunt...on Facebook Hmm
Just ignore it, no you didn't need to tag her, that would be weird!

Original poster
Oddsocksforeveryone · 03/03/2017 10:31

I'm not sure I have a DM problem, she's been through a lot and it has made her as I say, complicated. My thoughts were that reminding people to remember your anniversary just seems rude or something. Like people who constantly remind you about their upcoming birthday seeming like they expect something. My first response was to say "what are you talking about?" But just wanted to check that I wasn't in the wrong. I'll give her a call and find out of she's genuinely upset or just put out.
Thanks everyone

OP posts:
Foxyloxy1plus1 · 03/03/2017 10:34

I send cards to my offspring and their spouses. I expect I'll stop after a while, maybe five years?

kel1234 · 03/03/2017 11:07

I wouldn't tag other family members personally. It is a couple celebration. Though its nice to get cards for it from other people though

Sung · 03/03/2017 11:18

That would be odd - to tag someone to make sure they saw it, so they could comment.

I think it is a reasonable expectation that your parents would remember your first wedding anniversary and comment/send a card without prompting but it really depends on what is the norm in your family.

I usually send a card for a first anniversary and then only major anniversaries after that - I think any more that that is a bit OTT - it is a day for the couple to celebrate privately most years, if they wish.

littlefrog3 · 03/03/2017 11:28

I think an anniversary is just for the 2 people involved to celebrate, but it is nice if others remember it, especially your parents and children.

I know several people who have been quite hurt this past couple of years, after having a silver wedding anniversary, and none of the kids got them a card, or even wished them happy anniversary. Bit rude for them to forget IMO. It was their silver after all.

Also, someone else I know had her silver anniversary, and her mother didn't acknowledge it. Yet the mother went mental when the brother didn't acknowledge HER anniversary (her 40th,) a few years earlier.

So if people aren't gonna be arsed to acknowledge an anniversary, then that's fine, but they can't get all sniffy and pissy when people don't acknowledge theirs......

Happy anniversary by the way! Flowers

Screwinthetuna · 03/03/2017 11:33

I'm with underthemoonlight...your wedding anniversary is special to you and nobody else. Can't see why anyone else would give a damn, tbh, and I would never expect them to.

Chloe84 · 03/03/2017 11:45

I would be asking her why she wasn't bothered enough to text me Happy Anniversary but is bothered by my anniversary not being about her on Facebook.

RhiWrites · 03/03/2017 12:15

Text her back. "Why would I tag you in my wedding anniversary? I did mention it when I texted you."

usernotfound0000 · 03/03/2017 12:46

Whilst I agree that a wedding anniversary is just for the couple and unless it was a milestone, I would expect nothing from anyone other than my husband, her text is weird. It would be very odd to tag your mum in an anniversary message to your husband.

Giddyaunt18 · 03/03/2017 13:41

My mum always remembered when she was alive. My dad doesn't remember though, he doesn't do dates like that without a prompt.MIL never does.

Giddyaunt18 · 03/03/2017 13:42

If I see a date written down that triggers a memory of someone's anniversary, I normally send a text.

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