to not want another baby yet?

[iffybiffybomb]

My baby is 16 months. Everyone is asking me when I'm going to have another. I had PND with him quite badly but nonetheless I always said I wanted a big gap between kids. I know I wouldn't be able to cope with two in nappies, two not sleeping etc...honestly it would be my worst nightmare. I want to wait at least 3-4 years before we have another. Also we are in a v small flat, won't be able to move for at least 2 years.

Everyone keeps looking at me like this saying oh but they won't get along etc etc. There are 5 years between my sister and I and 8 years between my brother and I and we are all really close - surely this just depends on the individual personalities and family circumstances!

I am still young so I do have time but why is everyone so obsessive with wanting small age gaps? It's not right for us.

AIBU

IMO, people with big age gaps between them and their sibling, seem to get on better than those with smaller age gaps. I know quite a few people with 10-20 years between them and their sister or brother, and they are really close.

The younger ones worship and admire the older ones, and the older ones nurture and dote on the younger ones. My brother is over a decade younger than me, and he worshipped the ground I walked on when he was a little boy. All his pals at school were a bit envious of his cool adult sister when he was 7-13 y.o. LOL.

The people I know with the worst relationships with siblings are those with 2.5 to 5 year age gaps. Lots of jealousy, resentment, competitiveness etc.

I think a very small age gap is OK if it's so small that the first child doesn't remember a life without the younger sibling IYSWIM.

EG; my 2 are close in age (less than a year and a half,) and get on well, but I think that's because neither one can remember life without the other one IYSWIM. Basically, there was no room for any jealousy or resentment stemming from a new sister coming along, as the first one didn't remember life without her little sister, as she was only just over a year old when her sister came along.

Just my experience/opinions: I am sure people have different ones.

Say you're already pregnant then in 9 months when no baby appears tell them you are a dolphin (their gestation is about 17 months )

I left a 4.5 year gap and it worked really well for us. Dd was able to help with ds, get nappies, dummy etc.. and understood when she had to be quiet, careful etc. I'd really recommend it

Big gaps are great (5 years here). I too got heartily sick of people telling me to hurry up with number 2 and that they couldn't be friends outside the regulation 2.5 year spacing!

Well they are. And neither of them sleep!