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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To tell people I'm not his secretary!

40 replies

JungleInTheRumble · 03/03/2017 02:31

Ok so I think this may annoy a few people so just for the record - I have no beef with secretaries, being a good secretary is not easy and obviously the job they do is invaluable to a company.

Buuuut I. Am. Not. A. Secretary! I've spent a good few years working on my professional qualifications and it gets my goat when people assume I'm my bosses secretary.

If someone asks me directly "are you his secretary" I'll politely correct them and direct them to speak to one of the admin people about whatever they are asking (my boss doesn't have a dedicated secretary).

But there's one woman who has never asked she has just assumed that I'm his secretary (I noticed that people only started directing admin work to me after she joined so I think she must be the one telling people I'm his secretary).

She has just emailed me with a load of admin forms to fill in (sent only to me and the actual secretaries with all the bosses cc'd) would I be unreasonable to reply to her email saying I'm not his secretary? I have an email signature which clearly indicates I'm not a secretary so idk, maybe she's just never read it!

OP posts:

GwenStaceyRocks · 03/03/2017 09:12

Don't apologise. Just tell her that you aren't his secretary so she should drop you from her admin mailing list.

Kiroro · 03/03/2017 09:15

Hi X - please direct this either to [man] or to the admin team. I'm not [mnan's] secretary.
Regards, OP

Chloe84 · 03/03/2017 09:15

Hi Person,

You sent me some material today that is for the admin staff. As this has happened before, you might not be aware that I am the senior accountant, and not on the admin team in any capacity.

Regards,

Jungle

DO NOT APOLOGISE. She is factually wrong. She is calling you Mary when your name is Helen, so just woman up and fix it.

Yes, send this by icanteven. Do not apologise. Do call her person

Kewcumber · 03/03/2017 09:16

It gets your back up because in days gone by secretaries were deemed to be unimportant women but it's just a job description.

Forward everything that's for your boss - admin/secretarial etc to him/her. In many jobs as a boss I would have been doing my own admin. And copy new woman saying "I'm not sure if you are supposed to be filling this in or someone else is, can you let XXX know. Thanks"

SheRaaarghPrincessOfPower · 03/03/2017 09:21

You're not his secretary, so why respond at all? He's been CC'd, he'll see the email, it's his responsibility to reply, surely?

In a way you're still accepting a bit of responsibility for this. I'd leave her to it and then If she comes to you and asks why you haven't completed it, you can put her straight then.

"why would you expect me to complete these forms? "

Cantshedmymuffintop · 03/03/2017 09:22

Do you happen to look young? Maybe mistaken for the office junior? I had this problem for years! I mean when I was 18 people mistook me for about 13 which is certainly not great at that age. In my last job people used to ignore the receptionist who was an older lady and try and get my attention which was really annoying. In the end I moved desks as my boss could tell it was beginning to be a real problem. I would just email her back cc in the secretary and say something like 'think you've sent to the wrong person, cc'd Joe Bloggs in who deals with Mrs.Boss lady'. Good luck

SheRaaarghPrincessOfPower · 03/03/2017 09:22

If you do anything, just forward to your boss, CC in annoying woman, "x sent these to me by mistake, just forwarding incase you missed the email you were copied in on"

Originalfoogirl · 03/03/2017 09:23

I work in a very male dominated industry and this happened to me a lot when I was starting out. It didn't really bother me too much as I was never going to change this world view by myself so decided just to get on with it. It happens less as I get older as I tend to be leading projects, but in my early,years, I'd make sure at meetings and stuff that I would, early on, speak up and talk about something technical so they'd get the picture.

I also had a boss who used to make a point of being the one to pour the coffee in meetings so folk wouldn't think I was his PA.

I was on a training course for QA recently, and the guy was really quite patronising to me' but not to the guys on the course. There came a point where we were all asked to say out job title and when I told him "Associate Director" his attitude really changed. That annoyed me more because, why would you be patronising to an Admin person? It's a bloody difficult job and you've to be smart to keep it.

mugginsalert · 03/03/2017 09:32

This colleague may be operating under a genuine misunderstanding. Ideally the best thing would be for the admin staff themselves to confirm with her who she should contact. For you, I'd suggest a private email - not the cc to everyone thing - just saying that you've noticed she's been directing some admin work your way but just to clarify that you are not involved in the admin - your role is xxxx. I'd also perhaps speak with the admin staff so they can contact her directly so she has the right details. They may be frustrated not to be acknowledged for the work they need to do too.

KatharinaRosalie · 03/03/2017 09:39

Yes why does this topic always come up when people are mistaken for secretaries? If someone sent you a bunch of numbers and asked you to do some accounting, you would not hesitate pointing out that actually, you're not the accountant but an engineer and therefore not the correct addressee.

Original poster

JungleInTheRumble · 03/03/2017 10:23

Ok I womaned up and emailed her and nothing awful happened! Hopefully now she'll stop sending emails and random people to speak to me about his admin! Thanks for the vote of confidence that it's not rude to correct her and to not do so is infact a bit silly.

That's weird that someone else asked the same question yesterday - I come on here a fair bit and didn't see it. I'm not a secretary troll, promise!

OP posts:

stonecircle · 03/03/2017 10:37

Well done. But seriously, it does sound as if you could do with some assertiveness training. Presumably your company has a training budget?

Original poster

JungleInTheRumble · 03/03/2017 10:51

Hahaha. Haha. No. There's no budget. They even insist we turn the lights and aircon off at lunchtime to save money.

It's very much learn on the job.

OP posts:

squizita · 05/03/2017 14:37

Astro I've also worked in very confusing places with no phone list etc. However I think the issue here is woman works with man - assumption is woman is man's assistant in a traditionally female way. That's the mistake that's upsetting the OP.

So it's not the same as (for example) when I was the training administrator and kept getting the quality team's filing, or later in another role when I was the KS3 enrichment/trips manager and kept getting stuff for other year groups.

It's that assumption she works for him in a "lady job" not for him in a "job" - because it's the 21st century after all.

squizita · 05/03/2017 14:39

...and "lady job" is sarcastic in case anyone feels like getting their MN feminism slacktivism badge by quoting it with a hmm face. It's pretty clear from the punctuation.

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