MIL and weaning

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My Mil came round today while DP was working and we generally get on really well. DS has recently started weaning so I saved is lunch for her visit so she could feed him.

All he had was avocado that I'd pureed and he's had that several times so I'm not worried about his ability to eat it. But mil was on edge and when he did a little cough she got really weird. I explained that she shouldn't start fussing over him as he was working it out for himself and wasn't choking.

Anyway all the fussing made me feel nervous (despite nothing actually happening) and I felt a little annoyed but didn't think any more of it. BUT DP has just got off the phone with her and she was moaning about it saying "not on my watch" i.e. She won't let him choke in her presence.

I told DP that his mum was over reacting and it was just a bloody cough and its ended up with us arguing.

I just feel like I can't feed him around her. She was like this with her GD too and still is even though she's 2 and perfectly able to eat food!

WIBU to tell her to piss off back off when it comes to how I wean him or just not feed him around her?

She is just worried about her Grandchild choking, I can't see why that is such a problem. Ring her up and say you know it might have sounded like baby was choking, but honestly it was just a cough, you worry about that sort of thing too that's why you puree stuff. Don't turn it into a bigger thing than it needs to be. I refused to give a friends 8 mo baby whole grapes even though my friend asked me to not to cut the grapes up. Does that make me controlling/paranoid? She thinks she is just as much in the right. Just find a gentle way to explain she is not.

I understand her anxiety as I wa really worried before I did a baby first aid course. They were so clear on what was & what wasn't choking & what to do that I felt totally confident to do BLW afterwards. Might help her to relax?

She is just worried about her Grandchild choking, I can't see why that is such a problem.

See that in itself is not a problem, but she is behaving in a way that undermines his mother with all her flapping, and making out like she needs to protect him from his mother's choices regarding feeding/ weaning- which are none of her business.

Did you explain the difference between chocking and gagging? Babies need to learn how to use the gag reflex to prevent chocking.

It sounds as though your DH needs to learn that, as well.

Avoid feeding around her, for now.

What I will say is that there were more deaths by chocking and accidents than there are now, so older people can be more wary.

Also it's different with your GC, than it is your own.

I would just avoid seeing her around times when your lo is eating. She should trust you to parent your own child without putting them in danger but she sounds very anxious. I wouldent want my child picking up any food anxieties so just avoid eating with inlaws

What did your dp say to her about it?

Ah, my mum is a bit like this, very paranoid about choking amongst other things, and uses emotive ultimatum-esque phrases like 'not on my watch' which put my back up. As she's my mum, I cheerfully ignore or tell her how I'm doing things, depending on mood/situation. She means well. I suspect your MIL means well too but it's not as easy to just ignore or tell an in-law what's what, IME. This is one of the situations where I'd go for avoiding the situation rather than confrontation, as I don't think it's worth the hassle. If she physically interferes, e.g. fishing food out of your DS's mouth or shoving you aside, then fair enough for you to be confrontational, but I'd otherwise let this go as there may be other things you won't be able to ignore!

If you're feeding your DS most of the time, then a bit of overly cautious puree-feeding by Grandma once a week shouldn't affect his weaning overall. My mum learned this the hard way with DS when she chopped up his banana (ironically into choke-sized pieces!) and he had a full-on tantrum because he wanted to peel it himself. She now follows his lead which is shove everything in mouth as fast as possible and worry about chewing later

Thanks everyone, I think I'll go with just avoiding mealtimes around mil because other than the weaning issue we get on really well and I don't want to ruin that and I suppose when I'm back at work she'll only have him once a week.

My MIL was similar when we did BLW. Attempting to pull food out of DD's mouth and screaming that she had it stuck and would choke. We just asked her to calm down and carried on as before.

At 12 months my DH took DD to see her without me (I think I was at work). She tried to give DD a baby jar (which she had been dying to do for 8 months at that point).

I wish I had been there. DH said DD looked at the purée, looked at MIL with a WTF?! look on her face, pushed the bowl away and nicked DH's ham sandwich. 😂

DH said DD looked at the purée, looked at MIL with a WTF?! look on her face, pushed the bowl away and nicked DH's ham sandwich.

Your DD is awesome!

Ha she was a cheeky sod then and still is now. DH said he wondered if he should have eaten the jar. 😂

cheby she does sound awesome, I hope DS is like that when he's one!

sexlube that sounds just like mil, she still chops sarnies and satsumas up into tiny bits for dn also, is there a story behind your user name, it gives me a chuckle every time I see it for some reason!

I'm seeing her tomorrow so I'll show her the blw blog I follow as that helped me early on.