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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Boyfriends kids don't know how to play

40 replies

RedAmaryllis · 02/03/2017 12:13

My boyfriends children are 12, 10, 10 and 7. I have children of my own ages 14, 11, 10, 8 and 6. When we all get together, I've noticed my boyfriends children don't play or doing anything other than watch tv or go on their tablets. I know the oldst 3 are probbaly "too old" to play but 7 year old should certainly still be playing. My kids are always playing, doing creative things, jigsaws etc. My kids can usually get his kids up and doing things but if left to their own devices, they wouldn't play.

My boyfriend lives 45 miles from me and had to do work 2 days in my city so we decided he'd stay with my kids and I'd go and stay with his kids for the night. I had about 5 hours with his kids ater school before they went to bed and I kept trying to get them to do something other than watch tv. I wanted to use the opportunity to get to know his girls better so had planned on us doing some baking and then girly things like makeovers. My girls love this sort of thing. Baking was over in minutes, they just werent interested and kept asking to go back on tablets/tv. Makeovers didn't even happen. I can't put it into words buts it more than they dont know HOW to play rather than not want to. At one point I said come on, tablets and tv off, lets play a game. They looked at me blankly as if they just didn't know how.

AIBU to think they should know how to play?

OP posts:

steff13 · 02/03/2017 13:28

I hated playing when I was a kid. I would sometimes build with Legos, but mostly I wanted to read.

PerspicaciaTick · 02/03/2017 13:33

There is a difference between not knowing how to play and not wanting to play. Especially when it involves playing with a bunch of children you don't want to play with and games you don't want to play.

Dahlietta · 02/03/2017 13:33

While you might class baking and makeovers as more 'wholesome' than watching TV or playing on a tablet, I wouldn't really class either activity as 'play' (and my general feeling that I would rather die than have somebody give me a makeover has been something of a constant throughout my life)

PyongyangKipperbang · 02/03/2017 13:34

One of the saddest things I have ever seen is a child faced with some building bricks and no idea what to do with them. His mother had never played with him, he was just plonked in front of the TV.

You do have to teach kids how to play and allow them the time to be creative and imaginative, so in that respect YANBU to be concerned that the 7 year old doesnt seem to know how to.

However, some people arent into baking and makeovers, just because your DDs are doesnt mean that all DDs are. It would have been better to ask them what they would like to do rather than assuming that they would like what you like.

KC225 · 02/03/2017 13:35

YABU. Children DO NOT need makeovers. My kids age 9 (boy/girl) love baking as do I but I think it's a love or loathe it activity and I would not judge child or adult on shrugging it off.

I agree with the others that you should have asked the children what they wanted to do. What about swimming, bowling, climbing walls or the cinema. A joint activity outside the home may have garnered more enthusiasm

irregularegular · 02/03/2017 13:36

I don't think you are being unreasonable at all! OK, so the baking and makeovers weren't to their taste, but I think the principle of encouraging them to do something different is the right one. I'm sure it is better for everyone's physical/emotional/social/intellectual health and development to learn to enjoy a range of activities and to spend too much time watching tv and on screens. Children (and adults!) need to play, to create, to move, to interact...It's going to be harder if they have developed those habits, but it is still worth trying.

My children are 13 and 14 and I still actively encourage them to spend less time on screens. Especially the 13 year old boy, who tends to default to his playstation, whereas his sister more naturally does other things. Yes he likes to just chill out with computer games, and it's fine up to a point, but he is definitely a happier, nicer person if he also spends time kicking a football, playing table tennis going on a bike ride, making a video, building something, solving a puzzle, playing board games....If he has friends over I kick them off the play station at some point.

And my 14 year old daughter and her friends often bake and do each other's nails. And at 12 would not have thought it particularly odd if I suggested doing those with her. Even now in fact.

I'd keep trying!

HermioneJeanGranger · 02/03/2017 13:40

I think most 12 and 10 year olds aren't that interested in baking or girly makeovers, tbh.

At that age, I liked reading, video games, seeing my friends, shopping and watching TV. I certainly wasn't interested in forced activities, and I especially wouldn't be happy to be hanging out with my dad's girlfriend while she forced me to bake!

Itsnotwhatitseems · 02/03/2017 13:45

I sort of understand what you mean about the OP. My 3 kids (all adults now) would love playing games (and still do), Monopoly, Cards, WWE wrestling on the trampoline (sometimes the bed), Hide and seek etc. But I think some families like playing games more than others its not right or wrong just different. It looks like your own children are more like mine and prefer to play than use technology so its why you are stumped when faced with your BFs kids who are the opposite.

chaplin1409 · 02/03/2017 13:48

It is such a shame when children no longer play. I have a 16 and 14 year old and obviously they don't play at all apart on the computer, xbox or phones. We did find it got to the point they never interacted with us apart from meal times so now it's all off 830 at night. My youngest 2 are 12 and 10 and they still do stuff but nit play really. They do play schools sometimes or paint or in nice weather are out on bikes or trampoline. My youngest has just followed the others. I miss the days they had toys out every where.

Ipsomatic · 02/03/2017 13:49

My Ds gets like that if we allow screen time, so we just don't. He's much more fun to have around with no screen time.

Kiroro · 02/03/2017 13:52

You have NINE children between the two of you? Sod the makeovers and baking, get yourself a sports team!

ImperialBlether · 02/03/2017 14:18

I'm not too sure how happy I'd be that he was with my children for a couple of days. How long has he known them?

HailMarys · 02/03/2017 14:25

This scenario is a bit weird, OP. How long has all this been going on? I have this vision of a bunch of children (yours) trying to make another bunch of children (his) 'play' according to their rules, and then there's an arbitrary family swap where you try to coerce a bunch of uninterested children into baking and makeovers because your children like that and you feel his BF's children should too...? Was he trying to get your children to do things as well?

Meeep · 02/03/2017 14:29

Why would you want to makeover a child?
Did you think they were terribly unstylish/old-fashioned?

spiney · 02/03/2017 15:14

Don't think it sounds weird at all.

Sounds like you were just trying to do something that you find fun in your family ( but it turns out they don't find fun. ) Well done for trying.

I hate it when kids get sucked endlessly into screens. I do think screens are very addictive ( look at me on here now when I' should be doing something else🙄)

My kids definitely get out of the habit of being able to play spontaneously. I try really hard to monitor screen time. ( it's really hard ) Sounds like those kids have had free range with screens. But you might not like it but you're probably going to have to lump it .

Joining up your two families sounds like a sit-com OP.

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