To hate the word 'high-maintenance' ?

[sniffle12]

I've had delightful exes who called me this - and just had my mum on the phone asking worriedly if she is high-maintenance because she doesn't think she is but dad has accused her of it.

AIBU to think this is a word which only ever seems to be applied to women, and usually by men who they have dared to make some kind of basic request of?

YABU

I think it's a pretty evenly gendered phrase tbh.

I only ever really hear it applied to fairly demanding people.

Generally I think it's fairly used, dunno about you or your mother

Sorry but I can't agree. I have known so many more men then women who are high maintenence.

Male bosses who require ego massaging, boyfriends who have been demanding of time and emotion, even a bloody removal man who refused to move a wardrobe until my friend and I agreed that he was indeed strong with big arms (was quicker and easier than sacking him off and finding a new removal man).

YABU used for both genders equally and not in reference to someone who has a 'basic request'

I agree with you, OP. It's a put down for women who have standards about how they will be treated. And everyone should have standards.

What DOES it actually mean?

High maintenance is euphemism for mentally abusive in my experience.

Everything about them, can't disagree with them, walking on eggshells around them, moody, demanding.

I've dated a few 'high maintenance' people in my time, and after reading on here about how abusive people behave, it really lines up.

Jess, it normally means someone is very selfish/demanding in either a physical, financial or (as is more likely IME) an emotional way.

The sort of person who is all "But what about me" before anyone else.

It has nothing to do imo with having standards about how you wish to be treated, unless that person was extremely spoilt as a child perhaps.

i just use it in reference to people that like the high life really - maybe more money spent on them, going out more, spends lots on clothes, quite demanding about standards of things,that others might not be quite so bothered about. I know a few like this, but i admire their ' wont put up with any old shit' attitude to be honest.

I didn't think it meant that, The80s - I thought it meant people who were hard work and made everything about them.

yes, it can mean that too i guess!! i have known people like that too!

I've known a few emotionally high maintenance people and they drive me mad.

Throwing hissy fits if they send someone a text and it's not answered within minutes.

Constantly demanding the most attention in a group.

Fishing for compliments all the time.

Asking if they look fat, every five minutes.

Drives me mad. I've got no time or desire to be stroking these people's egos.

That would be my ex then.... Who is male.

Not or one minute have I ever thought the words high-maintenance referred only to women.

I've known more high maintenance men than women.

It's more often than not used to describe women. IME it's been used to describe women who care about the way they look (so spend time and money on hair etc) or expect to be treated a certain way and have certain standards both personally and romantically.

Yes men can be high maintenance but I've never heard a man described as such (using that exact phrase) and I think that's what the OP is getting at ?

Yes, I think that's what she's getting at but I completely disagree.