"I can't win"

[AChanceAtSchool]

Sometimes, my partner and I argue. We have been together for 12 years and have a lot of baggage - sometimes I think we can't really say anything to each other without there being some historic disagreement that skews the current one, and we overreact to what the other is saying.

Recently we had one where he twisted my words, again, and I threw my hands up in the air and said "I can't win".

In our latest argument, DP brought it up as proof of my need to "win".

Surely this is a perfectly comprehensible phrase that means "I can't do anything right" NOT "I'm trying to get one over on you and you won't let me".

AIBU? Who is right?

YANBU. Common phrase meaning exactly how you describe it.

No one.

It's morphed in to a win lose argument.

Can you agree on a banned topic list? Ours used to be our individual family members, the army and bizarrely dogs.

It sounds like he deliberately twists your words to provoke or maintain an argument.

The phrase is as you describe but it may be useful if you both look at whether you both have 'a need to win'

If you are always arguing it could be that it applies to both of you.

You're right. You were trying to point out that he'll twist your words either way and he even managed to twist that!

"You were trying to point out that he'll twist your words either way and he even managed to twist that!"

Exactly! Arrrrggggghhhh

I have said to him, in honesty, that if we can't get past this issue I will leave. It's not a threat, but our arguing is SO draining.

If I say something and he takes it the wrong way, and then I try to explain myself, it's all "Alright! Fine! You're right!" said in this way that is designed to show that he's only saying 'you're right' to make me shut up.

The hilarious thing is that I'm seen as "the angry one" so I've been making a very concerted effort not to get angry or shout during arguments. It's working. And I can see that my anger is completely matched by his, as well as his blustering. And if I point that out? "Well, you must have rubbed off on me".

Again - my fault.

Grr getting cross just thinking about it....

It is always a woman's fault...apparently.
When I was angry with my son,..he told me I was having a tantrum

FannyWisdom I love your list of banned topics, so wonderfully random.

Our list is Pyrex dishes, wine boxes and computer standby

If it has come to posting what you did in your op then things seem so ridiculous and dire.

I mean why would this even matter it seems petty

Our banned words include gym, phone charger and oven chips Gym is allowed sometimes, eg. to inform me thats where he is going but besides that, nope as it tends to end in arguments...

But yes, it seems very much like he is just picking, and knows how to push your buttons :S