This isn't a typical in laws bashing thread as there's a lot of history behind this. From them announcing my gestational diabetes at a family wedding (when I'd specifically said I wanted it kept quiet). To taking dd out of my arms in hospital after being told to wait a minute (I'd just got her back after all of her paediatric checks). To being bullied by them and my dh into letting them take her from me as and when they wanted whenever we visited in the early days.
We lost my mum back at the beginning of January. She was severely disabled and had had one virus on top of the other and we think her body just gave up. Despite us expecting it to happen down the line, it was sudden and was not expected when it happened.
My husband was an employed carer for her and as a result of her passing away he has been made redundant. The plan was to always return to dh's home town when my mum passed away as my dad passed away in 2009 and the only family keeping me there would have been my brothers and dh stands a better chance of getting work here. But because of this happening sooner rather than later we haven't had chance to build up our savings account to what we had hoped and have had to move in with the in laws.
And this is where I start to struggle. Fil is getting in my face when it comes to dd. He's really trying to take over. I can be sat feeding her (it doesn't matter what time of day it is) and he will come right over and start playing with her, even though it's obvious what I'm doing and I keep saying to dd "come on let's finish your food". When I've been trying to get her down for a nap he would come and start talking to her (though she now naps upstairs now we have been able to get her cot set up - which he doesn't seem impressed about). He takes toys away from her that I've given her to play with because he thinks she will hurt herself with them (think age appropriate toys for a 10 month old). And every single time that she cries, he's there with the questions, asking what happened, why is she crying, what did she do. She did it with her tea as she had got it in her eyes and didn't want to be wiped down, he was there immediately, running through to the room we were in with his questions. And it's getting stifling. I feel like I can't do anything with her or even say anything as I've caught him pulling his face when I've tried to keep in place OUR rules for her.
I said to dh yesterday that I was beginning to struggle, but he won't say anything because his dad has a tendency to attention seek and would turn it into a huge drama. But tonight has really got to me as he's beginning to make me feel like he thinks I'm to blame when she gets upset. I said to dh that I need to get away and get some space and his exact words were "good"
I appreciate that they've taken us in. But it doesn't give him the automatic right to take over the way he is doing. I'm trying to deal with the loss of my mum, I don't need pushing away from dd too 