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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

to ask about party invite etiquette?

48 replies

cjt110 · 01/03/2017 08:21

DS is 2.5. Goes to nursery 2 days a week. Got there this morning and there is a party invite from a child named X to celebrate his second birthday at a local leisure centre kids play area.

I dont know the child in question and haven't ever heard of them. I don't know any of the parents other than a passing "Hello" at drop off/pick up.

The invite says to RSVP by text with the parents name and number.

Do we go or not? I would feel a bit awkward not really knowing anyone but would feel mean on my son if he misses out. If we don't go, what do we say on the RSVP?

Thanks

OP posts:

Sunnyshores · 01/03/2017 11:07

Personally I always find the thought of going to these things worse than it was, so understand your concerns.

It was a few years ago now, but at that age I used to buy a little lego or playmobile set £5 box. Places like Sainsburys used to often do BOGOF. I also brought Mr Men books a few times (but MN advice seems to be not books!)

NotTheMrMenAgain · 01/03/2017 11:13

I always text back " thank you for the invitation DC would Iove to come, it's very kind of you to think of him/her. Any tips on what sort of thing birthday child might enjoy as a gift?".

Italiangreyhound · 01/03/2017 11:16

Go, reply to invite with a YES if you are free. Ask for ideas for gifts or buy something general and a card for child.

Take your child and if he gets upset can't cope, doesn't like, leave your gift and make your apologies.

When they are much older you can ask for preferences of friends etc but at this early age it may be all the kids at the nursery (if it is not then there is a reason your child was chosen). So it will not be just your child and this one.

I'd also get the nursery staff to point out child and point out mum/dad, say hi to mum/dad so you will have someone to look for and give gift to at party. Ask nursery staff now as the kid may get dropped off earlier than you and so you may need to hang around a bit to get chance to meet said parent.

Your child is so young so you will need to stay, IMHO; so take a good book or something, kids parties are boring!!!

TheUnnatural · 01/03/2017 11:17

It sounds lovely for you both. Take a small wrapped foolproof gift (Lego/books/playdoh/craft) around about the £5 mark and sellotape the birthday card to it.

As SaucyJack said there's a 99.9% probability that food/drinks will be laid on for the children, but make sure you have a snack (raisins etc) in your bag if you know hunger might cause an issue for your child and make sure you have some cash to buy yourself a cuppa if not provided.

Relax and enjoy, the time will fly by and it will do you both good to get to know the other children/adults better. Also, don't be afraid to ask or re-ask names, don't stick to 'x's mum's. I made the mistake of getting to know a few at school fairly well before actually learning who the hell they were!

SEsofty · 01/03/2017 11:20

Second playdoh or small craft set, about a fiver

Original poster

cjt110 · 01/03/2017 12:58

Sound advice from you all. I really appreciate it.

Yes, We have a few "X's Mum" that we know from nursery and no clue of their names...!

OP posts:

Original poster

cjt110 · 01/03/2017 13:01

Oh, the child in question is turning 2. Would crafty/playdough stuff be too young? I know we've only just introduced my son to it and he's 2.5

OP posts:

TheUnnatural · 01/03/2017 14:27

If I had to buy a small pressie for an unknown 2yr old I'd probably get a reading or noisy book, puzzle, or colouring book with crayons. However, playdoh or similar would be fine too as he is unlikely to have loads already and it gets trodden into the carpet used up pretty quickly. In short, I'm sure whatever you choose will be fine, and you have a two year old so will be a good judge

IamFriedSpam · 01/03/2017 14:32

I wouldn't worry too much about pressies anything will be appreciated (there'll be a huge pile, some people do thank you some don't so don't worry if you don't get one). I think a little playdoh set would be great, a noisy book, small duplo set if there's a cheap one. Lots of people keep some of the presents to one side for use later anyway otherwise there is just far too much new stuff for a 2 year old to know what to do with!

Original poster

cjt110 · 01/03/2017 15:18

Awesome. Thanks all :)

OP posts:

EssexGurl · 01/03/2017 16:40

Remember, these kids might go to the same primary school, so be friends for a long time. My eldest is in secondary school now and he walks with a friend he met at nursery! My closest local friends are the parents of children my son was at nursery with and then went to primary school with. Makes the transition to school so much easier!

Original poster

cjt110 · 02/03/2017 09:32

Hi all. I texted he Mum back accepting the invite at around 5pm yesterday, asking her to let me know of gift ideas or anything we need to bring.

Silence.

Is this normal?

OP posts:

CrypticDipstick · 02/03/2017 09:49

I wouldn't read anything into it. There are a thousand reasons why someone wouldn't quickly text back, none are personal to you. If you don't hear anything, assume she forgot and continue as you would have done (take a small gift to the party etc).

Original poster

cjt110 · 02/03/2017 10:09

Thanks Cryptic. I'm a bit... unsure of social stuff lol

OP posts:

Sunnyshores · 02/03/2017 10:59

just to warn you - when you organise a party, there will be alot some mums who dont RSVP and will have to be reminded. Thats not personal either! Welcome to the anxst that is childrens parties

IamFriedSpam · 02/03/2017 11:16

Silence is normal about 50% if parents text back saying "oh he/she loves X" 50% don't bother (maybe they feel awkward about making present requests).

SEsofty · 02/03/2017 11:53

I always forget to text back, just busy rather than anything negative

Original poster

cjt110 · 02/03/2017 16:44

This weird parent/child/party world is weird....!

OP posts:

LePetitPont · 02/03/2017 17:22

Glad you decided to go! We have been to two random nursery parties and enjoyed both despite having no clue who the actual birthday child was. My 2.5 yr old was delighted to see his little friends out of context and we enjoyed chatting to their parents. One party the birthday mum seemed quite uneasy with the various parents she didn't know, so it won't just be you that isn't super confident.

We tend to do books as presents; the soft play will cater bog standard party food and there's usually birthday cake. Have been to one where sandwiches were laid on for parents but not the norm.

Hope you and your LO enjoy!

Pleasestoplickingthetv · 02/03/2017 19:45

AIBU to ask you to report back on how it went?!

NotTheMrMenAgain · 03/03/2017 15:49

OP you're right, it is a weird world - especially when you don't know anyone. I'm a pretty confident person but I don't relish the thought of a couple of hours at a soft play place with a bunch of strangers - but I promise you it will be okay You've got the perfect topic of conversation - your kids - so a "your DS/DD is so adorable - is he / she enjoying nursery?" Should break the ice with most people (even if the kid isn't actually that adorable!)

I wouldn't take a book or sit there looking at my phone if I wanted people to talk to me because it might put them off. Just try and take it easy and see how it goes - there'll probably be a number of parents standing around awkwardly at first.

At the soft play parties we've been too there's always been platters of sarnies and other nibbles for the parents and the parents of the birthday child get a round of tea / coffees in. It might not happen at your party, but don't be surprised if it does. The number of times I've chewed a slightly curled up sandwich with a smile to look like I'm 'getting in the spirit! Best thing to do is graciously accept any food / drink offered ( but not expect it), smile and pretend like you're yourself even if it's socially painful! Your kid will have a great time and you might meet some nice parents with friend potential?

Original poster

cjt110 · 06/03/2017 09:46

Pleasestoplickingthetv it's not til the 18th

I did get a message back from the child's Mum which put me a bit more at ease.

OP posts:

Enidblyton1 · 06/03/2017 10:01

Oh yes, this is completely normal. The mother will have either asked her child who he plays with, or asked the nursery for a list of names.
Just take a small gift for the child - I spend around £5
Enjoy!

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