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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

.......to get angry at people when they talk about dh 'babysitting'???

31 replies

staceym11 · 02/03/2007 18:33

Hang on a minute, are they not his kids too? did he not have part in making them? is he not just as capable as me of looking after them (ok maybe that ones a no )? should i not equally be able to have a life with him looking after his children not babysitting them?!?!?!

OP posts:
Kbear · 02/03/2007 18:33

I don't get angry, people don't mean to say stoopid things, I do put them right though!

Original poster
staceym11 · 02/03/2007 18:35

no i suppose they probably don't mean to say stupid things! lol good perspective!

OP posts:
divastropwantstodrop · 02/03/2007 20:16

a friend of mine used to always say her xh was babysitting and it used to drive me up the wall,i would always say 'so are you babysitting when you look after your own children every day?'

EmmyLou · 02/03/2007 20:33

DH used to say he'd been childminding all day if i left him for a few hours on a weekend. Have made it quite clear that this is not acceptable and it has become something of a joke between us now. Wish I'd found it funny at the time though...

BarbieLovesKen · 02/03/2007 20:45

staceym11, completely with you on this... please go over to thread entitled "why is it assumed that because im a mother I dont work" under am i being unreasonable (sorry rubbish at links) where we're discussing exactly this... you'll see some like - minded opinions that'll back you up!!

KristinaM · 02/03/2007 20:48

yes it bugs me too. I always say something like

"oh no , he's not out BABYSITTING - he's at home with our children"

LieselVentouse · 02/03/2007 21:42

Its so rare that I go out so I hate saying daddy is babysitting I normally tell her your having a daddy night tonight

Bozza · 02/03/2007 21:47

No I think it is very silly. Every few weeks I go out for a curry with some friends on a week night. One of my male work colleagues refers to this as "leaving DH holidng the baby". The babies are 6 and 2 and I don't go out until after they have gone to bed on these occasions. Somewhat preferable to DH playing a round of golf in the middle of the day, methinks.

Eddas · 02/03/2007 21:56

It's so annoying, anyone saying that to me gets a short sharp 'erm no he's not he's looking after his daughter'

People don't think before they speak, especially if they don't have children

izzybiz · 03/03/2007 10:25

Oooh, this really annoys me too!

When i go out with my freinds, i am always asked "wheres Dp? babysitting?"

My answer is always "No hes at home with his daughter"
I dont babysit everyday do i?

KELLY80 · 06/03/2007 22:41

MY FRIENDS HUSBAND SAYS HIS BABYSITTING WHEN EVER SHE LEAVES THE HOUSE WITHOUT THE KIDS(NOT OFTEN!) IT DRIVES ME MAD, I OFTEN WONDER IF HE EXPECTS 2 BE PAID 2!?

JackieNo · 06/03/2007 22:43

Definitely not unreasonable - drives me up the wall too. I even know someone who says this about himself if he's looked after his son on his own.

sweetkitty · 06/03/2007 22:57

no I hate it as well

love the round of applause DP gets for looking after the DDs for a few hours on a Saturday (like I don't do it all sodding week) or the well dones he gets for cleaning up or changing a nappy

I blame the MILs personally, like DP's Mum would moan about doing everything for him yet he wasn't allowed to touch the hoover or washing machine as he would break it so when he moved in with me he knew how to do nothing (this was sorted asap) then his mother gets all shocked when she sees him cleaning the kitchen worktops.

whowouldknow · 09/11/2011 13:27

Ha - I love this! My brother always claims he is babysitting (well the rare times his wife gets out without the kids) - i always ask him who he's babysitting for - has become a running joke in our family now as they all know how much it winds me up!

exoticfruits · 09/11/2011 13:32

I don't like it but according to MN there are many men who are not treated as equal and have to refer to 'senior management' before they do anything. If you treat them as equal in the first place and just go out, without leaving a mass of instructions then you wouldn't have the problem. (or more likely if other people did it they wouldn't see it as babysitting).

CogitoErgoSometimes · 09/11/2011 13:32

YABU... babysitting just means 'looking after children'. Think you're all being a little touchy.

notcitrus · 09/11/2011 13:35

Depends if they also talk about babysitting their own children themselves. If so YABU.
I say I'm babysitting when I'm staying in with ds but he's hopefully going to mainly be asleep. Lots of women I know talk about babysitting their children so it makes sense to talk about their partners doing it too!

hairylights · 09/11/2011 13:52

I hate it too. I also have a friend who is a sahd and constantly refers to "daddy day care". Drives me up the wall. Nope. You're being a parent. None if my sahm friends say "mummy day care"

FredFredGeorge · 09/11/2011 13:56

I'm with notcitrus if you use babysitting - as the reason you or your partner are not doing something then it's fine whichever parent it is doing it. I would normally say "looking after the baby" or "with DCsname" but don't see anything wrong with baby sitting and use the same phrase whichever one of us is doing it.

WineOhWhy · 09/11/2011 14:00

Does not bother my in the least. When I go out on my own of an evening I check that DH is ok to "babysit". Similarly when DH goes out on his own of an evening he checks I can "babysit". If a friend invited me out somewhere and I knew I couldn't becuase DH had already made plans to go out, I would tell my friend that I could not make it because I had to "babysit" (unless it was something important in which case we would book an actual babysitter). DH would say similar in the same circs. It is just a shorthand for "loking after the kids on my own becuase the other parent is not around", and I think as long as used reciprocally it's fine.

KatAndKit · 09/11/2011 14:04

It's nearly as bad in my opinion as the people who refer to a man doing a few dishes and a load of laundry as "helping" you round the house. No, he isn't helping you, he is doing a fair share of the jobs in the home you both live in.

WilsonFrickett · 09/11/2011 14:05

YANBU - drives me insane. No-one leaves me out a pizza and a bottle of wine when I'm with DS on my own of an evening, do they? My boyfriend doesn't come round for mucky touching on the sofa, does he? No. Because you cannot babysit your own child.

Groovee · 09/11/2011 14:06

When I get asked to go somewhere, I do check that dh will be home for the kids but never that he's babysitting. They were half created by him so his responsibility as much as mine.

ChazsBrilliantAttitude · 09/11/2011 14:47

YANBU

Tell them its might be pronounced "babysitting" but its spelt
P-A-R-E-N-T-I-N-G.

blackeyedsusan · 09/11/2011 14:57

it is not really the term that is offensive in itself (to me) it is the implication that he is doing something extraordinary looking after his own children. Angry

(mine was incapable though.)