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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

DH and present buying!

52 replies

allegretto · 28/02/2017 10:05

Aaaah. He's done it again. I know this is a first world problem and people will say but my dh doesn't get me anything but he is driving me up the wall. DH has just come back from a business trip with my birthday present - Chanel no. 5. He asked me what I wanted for my birthday and I said perfume. I gave him some ideas but basically said anything except no. 5 - I got given a bottle 2 years ago and have been dutifully working my way through it. I don't like it but waste not want not. Couldn't wait to get to the end of it and actually have something I liked. He got my Chanel no. 5 "because he knew I already had it so must like it". Grrr. Yes, I know I am an ungrateful bitch but this is the only present I will get and it's another bloody 2 years of smelling of no.5 unless I can pass it off onto someone else!

OP posts:
Sunnydaysrock · 28/02/2017 11:01

kiroro I get other presents and I'm not a total cow. Like the op says, third world problem (but allowed to vent!)

MsStricty · 28/02/2017 11:01

It may be unconscious on his part, but I think your DH's behaviour is wholly passive-aggressive. The mind is an intricate thing, and never forgets anything, but recall is selective and based on many factors, including our psychology.

Frankly, I'd not stand for it.

Sunnydaysrock · 28/02/2017 11:01

First not third Blush

Original poster
allegretto · 28/02/2017 11:09

MsStricty - you might be right but I am not going to LTB over present-gate! I have tried to change him - we have been married a long time. It's not going to happen. At least he didn't spend too much this time - past mistakes have been far costlier!

OP posts:
Aroundtheworldandback · 28/02/2017 11:12

I would simply say to him "what made you buy me the one thing you knew I didn't want?" Love to hear his answer. Even if you liked it, what a lazy way to do your present- grabbing a bottle at duty free. I would be extremely upset.

Original poster
allegretto · 28/02/2017 11:13

To be fair - it was me who suggested getting perfume at duty free! My birthday is in a few weeks and since he was flying abroad I suggested that seeing as I wanted perfume, he should see if it was cheaper in duty free. That bit of the message seemed to get through.

OP posts:
Waddlelikeapenguin · 28/02/2017 11:25

Is it possible he really likes it on you?

I can't imagine sending DH to get perfume without telling him exactly which one, although to be fair he has form Hmm

MsStricty · 28/02/2017 11:29

I never said LTB. I just wouldn't let it lie.

bonzo77 · 28/02/2017 11:34

There's a been a thread about this before. And I've been in the same position too. So I guess it's something some people / husbands do. When it happened to me I said what I thought, gently, as soon as I opened it. Not happened since.

DJBaggySmalls · 28/02/2017 11:34

YANBU. Flog it on Ebay and next time write it down for him.
Loads of people buy perfume on Ebay.

NavyandWhite · 28/02/2017 11:44

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster
allegretto · 28/02/2017 11:45

Bonzo - it was probably my thread before too. Unfortunately saying what I think gently or otherwise does not work!

OP posts:
Gottagetmoving · 28/02/2017 11:46

I think it is some form of brain problem.
I know several friends whose husbands do this and it drives them mad.
You should ask him to repeat what you say and then write it down Grin

Not sure I would be understanding

thegoodnameshadgone · 28/02/2017 12:35

Is there anyone on here who could do a trade with you

NotAPuffin · 28/02/2017 12:40

DH does this too. We'd been going out for 6 months when I turned 21. He told me he'd bring me to Florence for my birthday (he had a well paid job at the time!) because he knew it was a dream of mine. I was really excited. Then he asked if I'd like a computer. I said no, I'd have no use for one, I was living with my parents and they had one and I just wasn't interested in having my own. He gave me a computer. Then every christmas and birthday for years, even though I asked him not to each time, he'd buy an upgrade for the poxy machine. I eventually brought the blasted thing to the dump. Now he buys me random stuff that's not right for me at all; last christmas, he got me a Sword of Gryffindor letter opener. For years he's been trying to persuade me to use a letter opener because he likes to, but I've refused to because I don't see the point. And he knows damn well I'm a Hufflepuff, but apparently the Hufflepuff one was out of stock (I know it's stupid and meaningless to be bothered about which house it's from, and I don't actually really care since I don't use the thing, but if you're going to buy someone Harry Potter paraphenalia and you know their preferred house, it's just shite to deliberately get them the wrong one!). It's just so fucking thoughtless and lazy and it's the same for every sodding occasion of my life. I've said it to him loads of times (even though it feels really grabby and selfish) and it just doesn't make any difference. He just does as little as he can get away with and doesn't care how much it hurts.

CoffeeWithMyOxygen · 28/02/2017 12:50

NotAPuffin I feel for you. A Hufflepuff opening post with Gryffindor's sword is ridiculous. He should have got you a nice cup instead.

Bunniesncats · 28/02/2017 13:00

I feel your pain. My bf actually works for a company that sells perfumes, he asked what I liked of I told him. Then for christmas, birthday, mothers day AND valentines I got every other perfume nd body lotion in the range other than the one I wear. In fact we have been together 4 years and this valentines he got it right! Grin Men!
Sidenote: I used to sells all the items I wouldn't wear on eBay and they sold well.

DaisyQueen · 28/02/2017 13:05

I would be really annoyed with that. I think no.5 stinks! Next time save yourself the hassle and tell him exactly what you want.
I would never buy perfume on eBay as you never know whether it is genuine or not. Can you give it to dm or mil for christmas?

Original poster
allegretto · 28/02/2017 13:37

I don't have a mil unfortunately. I could give it to my mum - but I think I complained to her last time I got given no. 5 so she might smell a rat!

OP posts:
thegoodnameshadgone · 04/03/2017 20:51

I will do a swap with you if you want. I've never smelt Chanel no 5 but it just sounds very glam.

HopefulHamster · 04/03/2017 20:56

Directly tell him it's not the kind of perfume you like, tell him he can regift or sell it and tell him to get you anything else!

TellMeItsNotTrue · 04/03/2017 21:08

Definitely stop saying what you don't want, if I say to you "don't think of a black cat" the first thing you are likely to do is think of a black cat, and that is the same process that is happening with the gifts

Grannyben · 04/03/2017 21:16

My ex husband once bought me a tube of Pringles for my birthday. He thought that was perfectly acceptable. I think if I had unwrapped a bottle of no.5 from him I would have fell in a heap

19lottie82 · 04/03/2017 21:19

Sell it on eBay, you will get about 80% of its RRP

Catlady1976 · 04/03/2017 21:19

*lilac my dh and mileage both done the same. They are dhs favourite bot mine.
Taking to boots is a good idea