To think you wouldn't let an animal live like this?

[Justbeinghonest2today]

And so why is a human allowed to?

I have an autoimmune disease and a genetic connective tissue disorder. The combination have wreaked havoc on my joints and organs. I am disabled, deformed and in constant agony that nothing will shift.

I have no children (and never will due to genetic condition), no partner (to fucking exhausted to date), a fucked up but not unkind family and an average job (would be better if I was well enough to take on full-time work and progress up the ladder). I have a few lovely friends but I think they'd all get over it if I died. I would never ever end my own life but it would be nice if medics didn't think it was ok to put me through horrible treatments when I'm never going to get better. Even if I don't take any medications, I probably won't die, just suffer more. I'm not sure if I even have the energy to go to my hospital appts. I cancelled a few today just because I cannot even sit through the hopelessness.

I'm on anti-depressants and I've had lots of therapy. I'm not depressed, just very ill. I wouldn't let a pet suffer like this. :(

Well from reading your op you're a strong mare if ever I've seen one. If you can go through all that and still be fighting you must be something very special.

I'm so sorry you are having a hard time. But you are great, you are valuable. There are people that care about you in this world.

Sending you good thoughts op

Damn you Diana, now I'm crying! No seriously, thank you. I just want to be healthy and well. I don't want a handsome husband, a flash car or a nice house, just good health would do.

Sending you good thoughts too op. You sound an amazing strong woman and I bet your family and friends adore and admire you.

And thank you too. I don't think they admire me, they probably just think I'm a boring old cow who only goes to work and lies down.

Crying is good! It means you still care enough to fight. It's in you.

Keep talking to us op, it will help.

I'm sorry you're in constant pain. Life is cruel sometimes. Some things just don't make sense.

Please don't feel that you're on your own.

Go easy on yourself xx

Oh OP

I have EDS amongst other things and I know this feeling. You realise you're in a downward spiral and you work your ass off to get out of it, but every time you get to the top of the spiral your body betrays you again. It's soul destroying. One thing that helped me make sense of it in my own head was seeing a pain psychologist, would that be an option for you?

Gentle hugs & I hope tomorrow seems a little brighter.

I'm sending ! Being in pain all the time must be dreadful! Xx

Honey they would put an animal down ! You have made the choice to live and that's very brave . I also second a pain psychologist - as whilst you can't easily fix your body never rule out MH oriented solutions xxxx

Thank you and I'm sorry for those who can relate too. I've seen a pain psychologist but I'm looking to try CBT again only because my neurologist suggested it. I'm willing to try anything that isn't sitting in a hospital waiting room for hours to be told "nothing we can do, see you next time!".

I don't believe I'm going to get better but only because I seem to be getting worse. I think I could just about cope if I stayed the same.

I wouldn't hurt my family and friends by ending my life, it's just not in my nature to do something like that either. I do find myself wishing that a lorry would ram into me on the motorway or that I'd just die peacefully in my sleep.

Your last paragraph man. That is hard to read. I'm so so sorry

As far as the medical side is concerned, I have no ideas. I'm rubbish at that stuff I'm not even going to pretend. But what about doing stuff for YOU? What have you always wanted to do, but you've always put off for some reason or another?

You're in pain. It hurts. But you're so far past that now, it's time to think about something else that will make you happy.

Its a discussion thats long overdue. I'm in favour of elective euthanasia. People who are against euthanasia cant imagine what its like to die of Huntingdons or CJD, or that it could ever happen to them.

DJ
Sorry I'm not so clued up, is that like what they do at dignitas?

I do have some enjoyment in my life. I don't have loads of friends but the ones I have are great. I can manage some social events, I enjoy the cinema and theatre. It's expensive as I can't do public transport but I drive, so as long as I can park within decent distance. Restaurants aren't much fun as I can't eat much solid food (mainly liquid diet) but I enjoy the atmosphere and sociableness (is that a word?!). Everything is...difficult but not impossible.

I do wish euthanasia was legal but only for fully cognitively able and mentally well people. I worry it would be a slippery slope though. That said, it doesn't seem to be in other countries. I'm conflicted on the topic.

anyone can go to Dignitas , and get fucking trailed by the Daly Mail when they are it!

Its funny even as young child I was pro euthanasia. I appreciate its a slippery slope, but its something I would always mentally factor in.

OP, dear OP I am not saying you need a 1 way ticket. Just that its completely OK to feel like you do, its shit and its hard XX and I don't think suicide is bad and selfish, I have really changed my view on it

so people have to stay alive and suffer terribly, just so others don't grieve? we are all going to die anyway.
that's a very simplistic view, and there are and will be exceptions

I absolutely believe we should have assisted dying/human euthanasia as standard.
Like you said, if pain and suffering is too cruel that we wouldn't make an animal suffer it, why on earth should a human have to?
There are times i've been so depressed and frustrated with my own illness (OCD) that i've just wanted the OPTION of a painless death to be there as a comfort. At one point going to the toilet would take me 4 hours straight, followed by an immediate 4 hour shower including scrubbing with scrub brush and neat bleach, then another hours worth of extreme washing my hands face and every other bit of exposed skin after dressing. My skin was half melted off down to the flesh with chemical burns, what wasn't was so dry it cracked and bled at the slightest movement. The skin on my hands were like leather, i couldn't straighten my fingers or flatten my palms and my hands were practically unuseable as the skin was so tight they were retracted into claw like positions, it was like wearing a pair of way too tight gloves. My back and stomach muscles were destroyed, i was in constant physical pain, was always soaking wet from the washing but couldn't change as i'd have to do it all over again and get just as wet, and was the middle of winter in a house with no hot water or heating. It took me the length of an average persons 9-5 work day every time i had to use the loo, i was constantly exhausted, stressed, felt like i'd never get better, all i did was use the loo and sleep, i was miserable, saw no way out, but was too scared of the pain of suicide.

Yes i'm glad NOW i never attempted it, but back then just knowing it was an option got me through so many days that if it came to it i didnt have to continue suffering and could stop it all. Having that option where it could be done in a comfortable setting, painlessly and i didn't have to do it to myself would have meant everything.

DianaMemorialJam Yes, elective euthanasia is when its you that makes the choice of when to go. You can use a living will and set out some conditions in it in case you get dementia or similar and cant speak for yourself.

I don't think you are being unreasonable at all in feeling the way you do. I have had a pet, well loved, we still have great memories of him, put down. It was distressing, but so painless. I said to my daughter, whose pet it was, that he was lucky to have this facility, and the vet agreed.

I knew a lovely man who died in awful circumstances. He was well respected and loved within his community, but all anyone would say was, you wouldn't treat an animal like the way he was treated.

I despair sometimes. It's all very well going down the DNR route, but why should this be?

Having that option where it could be done in a comfortable setting, painlessly and i didn't have to do it to myself would have meant everything. Absolutely agree with this.