Feel like my two year old hates me

[AprilTheGiraffe]

DD turned two in December. I'm pregnant with DC2. Been a really hard pregnancy this time. Very sick, tired and sore.

I don't have much energy. I do try to play with her, I take out to the shops, park, soft play etc. But there are some days where I just can't. I'm struggling. I just want to lie on the couch most of the time. Those days she'll watch Disney dvds, potter around with her toys. I do try to get her out of the house at least once a day.

DH works full time. When he's here in the evenings and weekends he is fun, he plays with her loads, she goes to him for stories etc. Not me. She hits me. Shouts at me, fights with me over everything. I feel like I spend my days telling her no, stop that, don't touch, mummy doesn't play with girls who hit etc.

I feel so sad. I love the bones of that girl. I'm doing my best. Is she resentful that I'm so useless? It'll only get worse when the baby is here

You probably need to make more effort, sorry to say. She is most likely bored 😥

She doesn't hate you, mine did things like this a lot; she loves you! 2 year olds don't always express themselves brilliantly. You're not useless, you're doing your best.
Also... I had so much more energy for my older DC when the baby arrived so don't worry about that too much.

Nothing wrong with letting children potter around anyway! You don't have to lay on entertainment all the time.

2 years old are difficult. I have just discovered that my 3 years old will do anything for a jelly bean.
DS's preschool has a weekly session from 2.5 years old so they are in the pre-school environnmenr before their proper start at 3, could that be an option available to you? (Wasn't free but wasn't extortionate either).

She's in nursery three days a week while I work. She loves it.

2 year olds are a pain in the arse. Mine was particularly trying from 2 to 2y3m and things have got easier since then. I think they save up their worst behaviour for their primary carer.

Two year olds are hard. I had ds (3rd child) when dd2 was two. I felt like this but I think it is your tiredness and emotional sensitivity adding negative feelings to normal shitty toddler behaviour. Please try not to take it personally, as others have said they are rubbish at communication at this age and often contrary. I think I ruined my enjoyment of her toddler years imagining a rift that wasn't there. It creates more problems as they grow up.
Try not to say No too often but use other words and say maybe Yes but after tea rather than No, after tea (I'm tired sorry if this is incoherent)

Can you go to something easy like playgroup where you can sit down and dd runs around and plays with others? My 2 yo would have been bored at home for large chunks of the day and could not entertain herself for long.

I have to say I found it harder when dd2 was born (2 year age gap) So try to get into good habits now - easy places to go out, and building up independent play at home.

holidays what? OP has said she's not very well. She has said she's doing her best.

Sometimes that's ALL you can do!

Ime that's what two year olds are like. It's a difficult time even of you are not pregnant .
It will pass, it' s not about you

You're working, you're having a rough pregnancy and you're looking after a tiny child - that's a lot to deal with. It's very important that you look after yourself as well as your dd, get rest etc. It sounds as tho she has perfectly adequate amount of attention/stimulation/play and she's just being a normal 2 year-old towards you.

Sorry but if you can get to work you can play with your child. Go to the park and just sit on a bench. Or sit in the sandpit. Play lego/playdough etc at home. You just have to sit still. Take sandwich bags out with you for throwing up emergencies and get on with it.

I had a very unpleasant twins pregnancy so I can relate. It's your mind and attention she needs, not as much the physical stuff. Turn the tv off and lie in bed reading books. That takes zero effort. If you're lucky she'll fall asleep and you can nap together.

I found I had so much energy after the twins were born. One baby is easy! Just pop them in a sling and off you go. No reason to think you won't be taking her out way more once the pregnancy is finished. Sounds like you've already made up your mind but she's really going to need you to make the effort.

I had exactly this at this age and situation so did my sister. It's weirdly upsetting. It's not you and it's a phase that passes. According to a professional in this area it's because the child feels so secure and comfortable with you they can let out their negative feelings onto you.

For us it stopped when baby born. Dd a lovely 10 year old now we have a great relationship tho she hates hearing about this stage!

jonesy
She hits me. Shouts at me, fights with me over everything. I feel like I spend my days telling her no, stop that, don't touch, mummy doesn't play with girls who hit etc
It is sometimes easier to spend the time doing something with them as surely this requires more energy? I have been there too as mine were only 18 months apart & I worked until 38 weeks with second pregnancy. But I still made sure we went out & did stuff or had something to do at home. I think the hitting & shouting will escalate once the baby has been born and it's not fair on the DD.

I'm currently pregnant with spd and chronic back pain and have a 2yr old. It can be really hard.
What works for us is finding ways to have fun together that don't require lots of movement on my part. Crafting and baking together, dressing up, reading books, singing songs, that sort of thing.
Also ensuring that she understands about the baby and how sometimes mummy will be sore, but still wants to play with her, so sometimes we change our games to suit. For example yesterday she dressed up as a doctor and I had to lie down and be the patient while she treated me. She loved it. Also dh can help - we play chasing games, but he does the running around and I'm the "safe" spot she has to run to (so minimal movement for me) again, she loves it and is reassured that mummy still wants to play with her.

Sounds like a normal two year old. She'd probably be like that if you were doing loads of activities with her.

I could have written this (although I'm not pregnant). DD turns 2 soon. lately she doesn't want me to do anything for her. It has to be DH that changes her nappy, dresses her, puts her shoes on etc. She will hit out and push me away if I try to help when DH is also there. I'm assuming (and hoping!) it's just a phase.

You're me last year and it gets so much easier when the baby is here ime! One child when you are unwell is harder than two children when you're healthy. I'd take a newborn over a bump any day. My youngest is 4mo and it's nothing compared to last year.

I had SPD and pneumonia too and we have no family nearby. It was so so hard. I used to lie on the couch while DD did jigsaws or coloured at her play table. I took her to a lot of structured groups where someone else was being paid to entertain her so I could slump in the corner. I took her to friends' houses and they picked up my slack. She had a lot of baths! Middle of the day for an hour. I just sat and talked to her while she splashed around. We watched a film most days too. I don't have an issue with TV as long as it isn't on all day. We worked our way through a lot of Disney classics. She is happy to sit through a film as long as I am actively watching it too.

Your DD loves you!! She is upset and insecure and lashing out and she needs so so much love even when you feel like you have nothing left to give. Let your DH do all the energetic stuff. Between him and nursery she will get plenty of stimulation. You just focus on giving her your love and attention.

OP I'm in the same boat, due end of April and looking after my very boisterous DS by myself 2 days, still nauseous and now suffering pelvic pain. I work 3 days a week but my job is mainly desk based so it's much easier for me to sit there than chase an extremely energetic and bolting 2.5 year old. I couldn't sit on a bench while he's in the park as he runs towards moving swings, spinning roundabouts and other dangers. If I take him for a walk he often sprints off or lays down on the ground and won't move, and I struggle to lift him without hurting myself. We all get out and do something together at weekends but I struggle physically when it's just DS and myself.

We do at least one toddler group a week on the days that I'm off but often our days involve a lot of reading and some CBeebies. He likes his wooden trains. I try drawing and baking with him, but he's not interested for long. I'm hoping I'll have more energy when this baby comes!