to give up on relationships?

[kineticmagnetic]

My last relationship ended under a year ago.
I have come to the decision that I just want it to be DD and I from now on, I have no interest in any form of emotional or physical relationship in the future.

My Mum thinks this is a silly idea as I should move on and find someone new.

AIBU to not want a relationship again aged 32?

Very thankful in this day and age we have a choice.

I am in the early days of separation (separated from h last August after 16 years) and honestly never want another man in my life. I search myself to get a flicker of lust or desire for a man but nope there's nothing there. I get on well with stbxh, have 2 dc 13 & 12, a full time job and when I have spare time I adore moments to myself. I do not want nor need a man in my life.
The other thing for me is that I never have the opportunity to meet anyone, my job is a nurse so few male colleagues, don't go out much, no school run. To meet somebody would be making a choice to go and find somebody. No thanks!!

I felt the same. I made a conscious decision not to date. So for 2 years I didn't.Friends and family tried to persuade me otherwise but I was adamant. I just wanted it to be me and the dc. I honestly thought that side of my life was done.
Last month I started dating again Early days, but I am having a lot of fun and I have remembered that I can desire people and they can desire me too It is like a switch has been flicked in me
So all I would say is, you don't need to decide anything for ever, if you don't want to date right now - then don't! If you decide you want to - then do it. Having that 2 year gap, for me, was essential.

Same, age 37. Am done with men and not in a hating them kind of way, just so content with it being my daughter and I. Good for you and none of DMs business!

I haven't had a proper relationship in 8 years. I've had "things" with people, but nothing serious. My last proper relationship ended badly and i really don't want to put myself through it again. I was completely anti-relationship for years after that. I'm more open to the idea now, but it would take someone amazing for me to go there.

Developing - yes to that! Although I'd have been a spinster in any century - a lovely word when you look at the origins.

YANBU I've been on my own properly for 3 years now, although it's been 9 years since I had a serious relationship, and I genuinely have no interest in ever having one again. I find being in a relationship really hard work and I like my own company. Plus I've had a head injury which has put paid to what bit of libido I had in the first place. I'll never say never, but I certainly couldn't live with anybody again.

I can definitely agree with the not living with anyone again thing just, I had a friend to stay recently for a few days recently and it just interfered with how I act with DD enormously.

Thanks all for making me not feel like a freak!

There is a stigma attached to being single and I think it's getting worse

I wonder why that is ...?

To live a "full" single life is at least as fulfilling as being part of a couple for many. I think probably realising that is the key.

a lovely word when you look at the origins. due an overhaul that word, just looked it up.
I love finding out about Woman from the past that didn't follow the traditional role, the pioneers!

One 19th century editorial in the fashion publication Peterson's Magazine encouraged women to remain choosy in selecting a mate — even at the price of never marrying. The editorial, titled "Honorable Often to Be an Old Maid", advised women: "Marry for a home! Marry to escape the ridicule of being called an old maid? How dare you, then, pervert the most sacred institution of the Almighty, by becoming the wife of a man for whom you can feel no emotions of love, or respect even?"

A forward thinking publication.

You are certainly not a freak, had some brilliant times when I was single & wouldn't change them for the world.

I think the only thing you've done wrong here is to announce your future relationship intentions. People in 30 year relationships get cheated on, people die, so live for today & just remember, you never know, what's around the corner. Never say never

Chin, I think it's partly that some people think society doesn't tick boxes if people aren't at least wanting to be coupled up.

Naze, confused by your comment. Op came here to share her feelings but IRL you have to declare or people will bang on about it constantly, try to fix you up etc. Also saves the unpleasantness of turning down dates in a known circle etc.

I want to announce it as as PP said, I don't want the awkwardness of questions/set ups etc.

I really want to actively avoid relationships.

Yes, I say Never say Never. Except to Heroin.

I did the announcing thing too though. But I peeled back the duvet every night for four years and thought ''thank God the bed is empty". But then I started to think,,,,,,,,,,,, hmmm. So announce that you're not looking for now, because you don't want anybody saying ''ha ha, so this is steve/mike/pete/dave is it!? I thought you said.... We knew you didn't mean it'' chuckle chuckle. And you did mean it. So that would be annoying.

Oh I'd never say never to heroin. "Who needs reasons when you've got heroin?"

Perhaps this is dependent on the type of person you are. I think there are things you can know about yourself for sure but only you know what they are. "Not interested atm" sadly is a red flag for the persistent.

Let's face it a lot if the time the alternative ain't much better. Relationships that have been going on for a good number of years are often very dull. I think relationships should be like cars. Trade em in every 4 years.

for women to remain choosy in selecting a mate — even at the price of never marrying. The editorial, titled "Honorable Often to Be an Old Maid", advised women: "Marry for a home! Marry to escape the ridicule of being called an old maid? How dare you, then, pervert the most sacred institution of the Almighty, by becoming the wife of a man for whom you can feel no emotions of love, or respect even?"

Amazing quote, Developing

Trade em in every 4 years. I might give um 7, then it gets itchy.

I would caveat any statement so that you are saying, ' I am not interested in being in a relationship at all for now and the foreseeable future.'

That leaves plenty of scope for your views and circumstances changing. You feel this way now but as pps have said, you could meet your absolute soul mate tomorrow, or in ten years or never...all of which is fine.

It would really annoy me if I'd made an announcement and then when things changed people kept saying, 'Oh, but you said .

My experience has been that no one believes you anyway ...at least not for the first ten years. Then the penny drops that you meant it.

Ps I nearly said "after ten years, prepare your sympathetic face for when your friends start talking about the grumpy old git they live with and how they fear retirement"

But I didn't....

And now someone's started a thread on that very thing! So I came back. What a mad coincidence.

I am excited for retirement and very glad no one is interfering with that!

Also, if some charming, lovely chap in his 50s my age popped up well maybe I'd be interested. But what are the odds of that?! I just find most men my age rather closed-minded, rather "done in" and unnattractive, and not even actually liking women that much - apart from the obvious. The ones that are slightly more attractive or privileged seem to have a strong sense of entitlement or seem to be so full of themselves its almost nauseating! As a woman with an (invisible) disability, being a single parent with an interesting but difficult and unconventional life, my sense is that I would be of no interest to men my age, which I feel says more about them than me. It feels a little sad my romantic urges can't be fulfilled but OTOH since I've stopped trying to meet someone my outlook and life seem to have improved, which must mean I'm focusing on the right things.

Not alone. I'm the same. I'm 26 and I always get people telling me I'll change my mind, but I won't. I have been single for almost 3 years.

I like doing things my way. I don't want to have someone else come in and change the dynamic I have with just myself and DS. The "happy stepfamily" life just holds no interest for me.

I have a FWB (because I wouldn't want to give up sex) and we are both very happy with the situation. I don't really get emotionally attached to men and I just don't crave affection or companionship from the opposite sex.

I wouldn't say I've "given up" on relationships, it's more that I've come to the realisation that I'm better off and happier when I'm not in one!

I am definitely healthier not in a relationship, I think this is the real reason I won't have one now. I do not want to be the insecure, hung up, obsessive person I know I can become.

I think I'm similar to bitch I just don't crave a relationship, I'm happy in my own company. I don't even miss sex and I've not had it since July!