First and foremost I know I've been an utter dick, I don't have anybody to talk to about this right now so that's why I'm posting.
Me and ex broke up around 2 weeks ago (although it has been dragging out for about a month) we've still been talking but haven't seen each other. I broke up with him mainly because I felt he wasn't there for me when I really needed him to be and wasn't putting in effort anymore (there is a massive back story and I went through something really awful but I feel like this probably will be long enough as it is) So I dumped him and told him my reasons, I know it's sounds childish and dumb but I was hoping that would make him understand how I was feeling and to tell me he would change but he just said sort of went with it, he said he was sad and we kept talking a little bit as friends, like stupid jokey things and avoiding the real stuff. By the way I know how pathetic that is and instead of dumping him I should actually have explained my feelings and not expected him to be a mind reader and not played dumb games but my head is a bit crazy at the moment.
I know, I know I sound about 15 right now.
Anyway a couple days after my friend told me she had seen him on Tinder, so I messaged him "You're on Tinder already?" He replied he was drunk and sad and downloaded it for about an hour and then deleted it and he doesn't want anybody else.
So because I'm a child I downloaded Tinder, I exchanged a few messages with people but I wasn't really feeling it until I started talking to this guy, we spoke till 4am and every single day since. It was really nice and he kept my mind of everything.
We made plans to meet up and I can't believe I actually went though with it, we met up last last night, had an amazing date and I feel so guilty about this now but we slept together. All throughout last night I didn't feel like it was a rebound thing, I wasn't thinking about my ex, I was just really into this new guy and how great of a person he is, he stayed over and we spent all night hugging and it was just really nice.
But where do I go from here, I am still in love with my ex and I feel like it's unfair to keep speaking with my ex after this, I think maybe he's holding out for me to change my mind. But he's also my best friend and I can't imagine life without him.
But this new guy is absolutely awesome and I don't want to hurt anyone. Things with my ex will never work out after this because even if he told me all the things that I wanted to hear weeks ago I would have to tell him I slept with someone else, I couldn't not and that would be horrific, I can't imagine how devastated he would be.
I know we've only had one date but I think this new guy likes me, this is just all such a fucking mess and I feel like absolute shit.
This isn't really an Aibu it's just need to write this all down, I can't sleep and my mind is racing and I haven't spoken to anybody about this in real life yet