Dh is from Italy. He and I are both religious, but DH's family approach baptism with a lot of pomp and circumstance (family church, priest in the family, family christening gown, huge ceremony, spend loads of money, everyone invited, massive meal in hired restaurant and people flying over from abroad.) I really quite enjoy the elaborateness of it all and with our other DC have taken the opportunity to ask my old female friends to be Godmother to show how much they mean to me.
With DS (DC no.4) Dh asked me if I would please let one of his oldest female friends be Godmother. I didn't know her very well and English is her third language, so communication with her in the past has been broken at best, but I wanted to make DH happy and wanted to affirm my positive support of DH's culture and his friends, non-verbally, considering I do not speak Italian well enough to have a strong connection with them, so agreed. I also hoped that it might be a way I could get to know her better or forge a friendship, like a gesture of goodwill.
Anyway, the day before the christening came. She and the Godfather (another friend of DH's) stayed over the night before the ceremony because the church is quite hard to get to. DH and I prepared a dinner for the four of us and drinks with both sets of Grandparents and the kids.
Dh's friend arrived and from the moment she got into the house, she completely walked past me. She greeted DH and his parents and then went to sit by the Godfather, ignoring me and my parents. My Ddad (80yo!) had practiced a few sentences in Italian to greet her, and he tried them out and she looked at him dismissively, corrected him, and walked off. I went up to her eventually and said hi in italian, making an effort, and she gave me a quick HI back. I took DS over (who she hadn't yet met) and she made a few noises but mostly ignored him. I didn't expect her to take him or to swoon over him or anything like that, but I did expect her to acknowledge somehow the reason she was there, and to touch base with me in some way.
I'd cooked dinner for us as a four, and DH's friend directed conversation at the Godfather only, and had turned her chair around to completely face him. Everything was in Italian so I couldn't really understand what was being said. Godfather and DH were occasionally translating the bits I didn't understand, but even DH was mostly left out of the conversation too.
Dh and I had made a big effort with the meal and were looking forward to reconnecting with the Godfather who we hardly see, and her. In fact, they talked so much, DH and I felt like we were intruding because they looked annoyed whenever we asked them anything, and so after dinner, we left the room early and they didn't notice and carried on drinking wine.
At around 2am when I got up to feed DS, I saw them stumbling up the steps together holding hands. The next day, DH went to get Godfather from his room because both were late for the baptism, and found them in the same bed.
She spent the entire day fixated on Godfather, moody with everyone else and trying to be alone with him again. When he went to speak to other guests or to carry DS, she got moody with him and stormed off out of the restaurant at one point. All very dramatic. She didn't want to hold DS for photos, got upset when he dribbled on her, and spent most of the time in the loos or trying to speak to Godfather.
AIBU to feel a bit shortchanged by the whole experience? Or am I putting too much importance on it? This whole culture takes it very seriously, so it's not like we were trying to impose our expectations of what the role should be. I feel now that I should have asked one of my friends to be Godmother because she obviously has no interest in DH, me or DS but now it's all done and that's her role and we're not going to do it again. DH says that's just what she's like and not to be offended - it's not personal. Godfather says it was just a one night stand and has fizzled out now.