To expect dh to stay in the house when "babysitting"?

[Cuppaand2biscuits]

We live in a house with an a joining garage. There is no internal doors, to access the garage you must go out the back door, through the garden into the garage.
My children are 3 and 6. My dh loves to Potter in his garage and often does so of an evening.
I'm going out tonight so I've had to fetch him in to be responsible for the children. My 6 year old has asked him not to return to the garage after they have gone to bed and he feels this is very unreasonable.

He thinks she should be quite happy in the knowledge he is just next door.
I quite agree with my 6 year old, if he's the only adult he should be close enough to hear them.

My DH used to be very anxious when he was small that his parents wouldn't there if he woke up - always made them promise to stay in the house. One time he woke up went downstairs and they had gone (they had actually just gone outside because the neighbour had come home in a new car and they were admiring it). It massively upped his anxiety and he didn't sleep well for months afterwards. He should stay inside when he's responsible for his kids.

Well maybe that is the main issue - if the DH spends his 'free' time pottering around in the garage whilst the OP has to be 'on call' during every evening perhaps she has assumed (willingly or not) the role of main carer?

But I guess that can often happen in relationships if one of you likes to be busy doing things in the evening, even if it as 'at home' - ie: gardening, being in the garage or whatever does that mean that the other has to be in the house listening out for children all the time ?

solution: buy a monitor tomorrow. then all are happy.

It does mean that you have to respond to your children's needs, especially at six.

The DD is nervous about him not being in the house. What's more important than making sure your young children feel safe?

It's not okay - your DH needs to stay in the house when he's looking after your DC, otherwise he's not looking after them - he may as well be down the pub or in the house next door. I think you know that, and that's why you're on here. If he really wants the evening off in his manshed, get him to pay for a babysitter.

It wouldn't bother me, other than insofar as it bothers the little girl.

If the DC are generally sound sleepers then he's okay to go out to the garage once they're asleep as long as he pops back in regularly. But yes, you really need a baby monitor.

And it really isn't babysitting when a parent looks after their own child.

If no baby monitor then not really ok as he won't hear them if they call. Could you get a monitor then tell him he can only go in the garage once they are asleep? If your dd thinks he's gone she might not get to sleep worrying about it

If you paid a babysitter, would you be happy for him/her to spend the night in the garage?
I babysat for a friend last weekend, and the six year old fell out of bed and was upset. I heard her, because I was downstairs.

Would he be able to hear a house fire from the garage?

My dh works from home, often in the evenings. He has a purpose built office, attached to the house. You have to walk out the back doors and the office door is just 5 paces away. So similar to your DH and his garage.

If I am out of an evening, DH brings his laptop into the kitchen and works there. Solely because in his office, he can not hear the dc if they need attention. This the dc would effectively be left home alone. It is not the responsibility of the dc to go looking for the parent if they have a nightmare, wake up with a poorly tummy etc.

The only other option would be a monitor. But I suspect that this may suit your dh rather than your dc.

Show him <a class="break-all" href="https://www.google.co.uk/url?sa=t&source=web&rct=j&url=m.youtube.com/watch%3Fv%3DpiofZLySsNc&ved=0ahUKEwi_h9-2hKzSAhXHIsAKHQWSBBgQo7QBCBowAA&usg=AFQjCNHBL9JC0baTzLNJYO9uPUafYK_ndw&sig2=o_mF3KiijWq3I_ACdzIM2A" rel="nofollow" target="_blank">www.google.co.uk/url?sa=t&source=web&rct=j&url=m.youtube.com/watch%3Fv%3DpiofZLySsNc&ved=0ahUKEwi_h9-2hKzSAhXHIsAKHQWSBBgQo7QBCBowAA&usg=AFQjCNHBL9JC0baTzLNJYO9uPUafYK_ndw&sig2=o_mF3KiijWq3I_ACdzIM2A. In less than 3 minutes the children may not be accessible if the route of escape is blocked by fire. New research suggests children are not woken by fire alarms and unless he hears the alarm or notices the fire if you don't have alarms it could be too late. That is why he should be in the house. It could happen at any time.

If there was a door from the garage directly into the house then I'd say it was fine, same as I'd say it was fine if he was sitting in the garden (I used to sit in the garden below the DCs open bedroom window) but not in the garage that doesn't have a door to the house.

BTW he can't babysit his own children. He's looking after them (assuming he is not in the garage!).

Think it would be ok if he had a monitor (my dh likes playing in the garage too , and uses a monitor) but not without.

It is an issue for him to go into the garage because there is no way he would hear what is going on in the house.
Also if one of the children needed him, they would have to go outside to be able to get him.

And finally, he has a child who doesn't feel safe with him not in the house.

And yes totally different than in the garage with a door from the inside of the house.

How is he babysitting his own children? Isn't that just part of being a parent?

Mmm. Growing up, from starting primary school age, my parents were often at the end of the garden or even next door after I went to bed. Sibling was even younger. Not sure what the problem is to be honest.

I am also not sure about telling a six year old that its ok to be scared of something that isnt.

It's no worse than sitting in the garden in summer once the kiddies are in bed.

It is, in the garden you can sit by the house and be near an open bedroom window, in the garage working perhaps involves noise and being further away and you don't hear them.

""It's no worse than sitting in the garden in summer once the kiddies are in bed""

Except the house isn't in view and the child's POV/feelings/fears are just being dismissed.

I think Fairenuff has hit it on the head. I do feel like the main carer and he's the helper. I use the term 'babysitting' because he made it seem like such a big inconvenience to come inside and care for his children while I went out.
I go out to a class once a week in an evening and very rarely (once every other month perhaps) I will go out with friends like tonight.
I just felt it was a reasonable request from dd and he was sulky and rude to her about it because he resented having to be the parent in charge tonight.

I'd buy a baby monitor and be happy. I do my gardening when dd is having a nap on nice days. The window isn't open because it is still February! But I do have the monitor with me. In nicer weather is definitely plan to be outside in evening.

I also plan to sort out my garage so I can use it as a crafting space rather than the dumping ground it is now. It adjoins the house through a door but only because previous owners putative full width extension along the back. Before you would have to go over the patio. Now you walk through the kitchen. Same difference in my mind as it is the same distance. Just less chance of getting rained on.

What would he be doing in the garage vs being in the lounge say? Some people hate doing nothing. I'm not one of them, but know people who are.

Why does the 6 year old see it as a problem? Has she needed him in the past and he hasn't responded?

This is my bigger concern. That and the phrase babysitting and helper when he is a patent.