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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To want to work less for a while ?

32 replies

Dontstayoutsideinthiscold · 24/02/2017 08:28

I'm not feeling too good, I'm tired and depressed. I'm self-employed and without going into too much details about my job, I can choose how much I want to work. I want to stop one contract to ease the pressure of me. However if I stop this contract, my salary combined with dh' salary, we'll just be able to pay the mortgage and the bills. No money for extras.
I'm feeling really pissed off that I need to work so much to make sure our kids lack of nothing when he has been in the same company for 25 years with his salary slowly increasing. Our outgoings have increased over the years and I have increased my work loads but he hasn't looked into ways to make more money.
If I work less, I earn much less money so the kids will have to go without. I can't work less isn't it.

OP posts:
KateDaniels2 · 24/02/2017 08:34

But he already has a job?

You want him to move jobs?

So you can work less? What if he wanted to work less? Would you change work or pick up extra contracts to facilitate that?

FritzDonovan · 24/02/2017 08:35

How many hours do you do compared to dh? Does he do his fair share of kid/housework? (If not, this could take some pressure off you.) Could you take on another contract which is not as involved?

CosyNook · 24/02/2017 08:37

That's life.

Original poster
Dontstayoutsideinthiscold · 24/02/2017 08:40

I work 40 hours and I guess he works a bit less. I do all the meal planning, food shopping, pay the bills, childcare and he does the laundry.

OP posts:
limon · 24/02/2017 08:40

Yanbu to want to work less. But I'm not sure you can expect your dh to suddenly command a higher salary - the world doesn't work that way.

expatinscotland · 24/02/2017 08:40

If he's doing his fair share of childcare and housework, YABU. How about you find a salaried job and then you can work contracted hours?

expatinscotland · 24/02/2017 08:42

Then you tell him he needs to take on more of the lifework. They're his kids, too. He needs to look after him. He can do the food shopping, too.

RainbowsAndUnicorn · 24/02/2017 08:42

So you want him to move jobs from a secure one because you don't want to work much? Is it only males that provide for children?

I'd not be moving jobs, I'd be looking at other factors much closer to home if I were him.

KateDaniels2 · 24/02/2017 08:42

You need to talk to him about doing more at home to take some pressure off.

The job is a red herring. You have a lot on. He needs to chip in at home more.

honeylulu · 24/02/2017 08:43

If you're actually properly depressed then you have a point. If you're tired and fed up with the daily grind of life then that's more U. It's just what life is like.
Your H may earn less than you want him too but it doesn't mean he's not working hard. You will often see it said on mumsnet that is irrelevant that the lower earner brings in less wonga - work (including SAHPing) should be seen as equally valued.
Could your husband do more to pick up the housework/ childcare burden? Maybe that's the real issue.
What would you do if your husband said he was tired and depressed and wanted to cut down his hours? Do you feel more entitled to do so because you are female (I am presuming)?
Need more info here.

YouMeddlingKids · 24/02/2017 08:45

Not unreasonable to want to cut back a bit when you're worn out. Are all your bills on the best rates they can be? Any slack in the system that can go towards a few of the extras for your kids? If you lose one contract now how easy would it be to pick up more work in the future? Better to cut down now while you're still coping than to burn out completely.

honeylulu · 24/02/2017 08:45

Cross posted. It sounds like domestic "work" is the issue rather than employment.

HarleyQuinzel · 24/02/2017 08:46

Your DH should be doing more if he works less. When you say you do all the childcare what do you mean? Does he not look after his own kids?

Original poster
Dontstayoutsideinthiscold · 24/02/2017 08:49

I do everything around the house, my mind is never at rest because I always fear I'm missing something. He knows how I feel, I don't sulk and wait for him to tell me what is the problem. I'm well organised but I never seem to stop. I accept that because I work mainly from home I should be the one cooking healthy meal for the family...but what about the week ends ? We often ends up eating crap because he can't be bothered to do anything. He says he is going to take more chores on, do it for a while then he stops. It's just so frustrating and yes I feel down.

OP posts:
Original poster
Dontstayoutsideinthiscold · 24/02/2017 08:51

All the childcare = before and after school care, holidays care, taking to places they need to be. My job facilites this and I don't mind really..I don't consider being with the kids a chore...it's all the other things and invisible things I do that take all my headspace.

OP posts:
Original poster
Dontstayoutsideinthiscold · 24/02/2017 08:53

Dh can you please pay the canteen for the kids...yes no problem will do it in a bit....the day after did you pay the canteen dh ? Oops I forgot...it's alright I'm going to do it now...

OP posts:
expatinscotland · 24/02/2017 08:55

Your problem is a lazy husband who thinks domestic work is your job. No, it's not your job to do all the cooking because you work from home.

Original poster
Dontstayoutsideinthiscold · 24/02/2017 08:58

Expat - if we were waiting for him, we'd be eating at 7.30 and the kids would be starving so it makes sense for me to do it but how much it would help if he could make a couple of meals at the week end !

OP posts:
expatinscotland · 24/02/2017 09:01

So let them wait till 7.30 and nag the fuck out of him.

Original poster
Dontstayoutsideinthiscold · 24/02/2017 09:04

Expat - I struggle a lot with guilt but I'm taking it on board.

OP posts:
harderandharder2breathe · 24/02/2017 10:34

Yabu for expecting him to magically find a better paying job so you can work less

Yanbu if you want him to step up and do more at home to ease the pressure on you

Original poster
Dontstayoutsideinthiscold · 24/02/2017 11:08

This conversation about finding a better paid job didn't start this week, but more like 10 years ago. I feel I stepped up in my work and around the house. I'm just crumbling at the moment. He just said again that he was going to step but how long would it last ? I hate being a nag.

OP posts:
Keeptrudging · 24/02/2017 11:11

You need some down time. If your DH stepped up a bit and did his fair share of cooking/housework, would you be able to keep working the hours you are now?

EssentialHummus · 24/02/2017 11:24

You need to work with DH on this, it doesn't sound like he's doing his fair share.

Other practical things, as a WFHer: Can you batch cook meals, rather than cook from scratch each day? It means 30 minutes less a day, 3ish times a week, faffing with food prep.

Are you working efficiently? Are there clients who take up 90% of your bandwidth but only generate 10% of your income?

Original poster
Dontstayoutsideinthiscold · 24/02/2017 11:30

I should do the cooking batch more especially as I have recently used up lots of stuff from the freezer. If he could step up and stay up I could definitely carry on working the hours I do...because at the moment not only I'm shattered, I'm also bitter and really resentful. I have 3 clients and they are all bringing me money evenly.

OP posts:
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