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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to expect my husband to come home when he says he will!!!

20 replies

prawnsmum · 01/03/2007 21:45

Evertyime my husband is going out for a couple of drinks with his friends he says he'll be home at a certain time only to call 5 mins before said time to say hes just having another drink! It drives me insane

OP posts:
princesscc · 01/03/2007 21:50

Are you his mother or his wife? He's a fool for telling you what time he'll be in to start with, coz if he'd told you he'd be half an hour longer to start with, you would never have known he had one for the road!

detoxdiva · 01/03/2007 21:50

Glad it's not just mine then

fryalot · 01/03/2007 21:51

It used to irritate me when he said he'd be home at a certain time, AND WOULD BRING A TAKE-AWAY FOR TEA. He then stayed later than he'd said and forgot the food.

Nowadays, I cook tea before he goes out, and I never believe his times.

milge · 01/03/2007 21:53

Whatever time dh says, I always add on another 4 hours for good measure!

nh101 · 02/03/2007 11:03

My DH used to underestimate what time he'd be home eg if he though he'd be home at 11 he'd say 10.30 so as not to make me mad. What's that all about? I said 'you are just setting me up to be disappointed.' He doesn't do that any more. I think it is reasonable for you to expect him to be home when he says, especially when you have children.

robbosmum · 02/03/2007 11:13

cant believe you let your husband out, i lock mine in a cupboard overnight.....

Eddas · 02/03/2007 11:14

dh used to do that until i explained that id didn't care when he'd be home just don't tell me a time and then not make it as i worry. After many many many times explaining this he got it, yey!!!

Now he doesn't tell me a time and we're both much happier. I believe this is a very common problem though.

At least he calls you, dh never did, then when he was an hour or so late he'd get annoyed with me for ringing to check he was ok.

greenday · 02/03/2007 11:15

I get that all the time too!!! Its soooo maddening. And what's worse is that, because I end up getting angry with him, he has recently resorted to not even calling me at all to let me know when he'll be back. It's sooo childish - like a schoolboy who flushes his homework in the toilet because he didn't do it.
I try to keep my expectations low all the time but it still ends up annoying me.

laksa · 02/03/2007 11:18

snap, squonk! I did what Eddas said and we are all a lot happier too. He doesn't go out that often so its not a big deal, just can't stand it when someone says one thing and does another!

xx

greenday · 02/03/2007 11:18

And I should add that I don't expect him to call me to report per say, I just want to know that he is fine and alive. I start getting visions of him being mugged or something when it gets late and he hasn't called.

Eddas · 02/03/2007 11:25

greenday, have you explained that to him as that was always my point too. I really had to keep repeating it over and over, 'i really don't care that you are out, how late you will be or if you are late, i just worry that you are not ok'. It took literally ages but he did get it in the end.

I'm not saying dh is stupid but his parents never worried what he was up to so wan't used to anyone worrying. When i explained that i'd always had to tell my parents where i was and a time i'd be home or phone if i was going to be late he began to get it. He likes it now as he says it shows i care, bless

danceswithnewboots · 02/03/2007 11:26

Yep, mine does the same 'I'll be back no later than 10.30pm' then rings AT 10.30pm to say he's still in town. Grrrr...

greenday · 02/03/2007 11:53

Eddas - yes, all the time when the issue arises. He'd feel bad, apologise, and then promise that he'll remember next time. Come that next time (which is a few month's after), the same thing happens all over again.
LIke your dh, I too lay it down on his childhood. His parents gave him lots of freedom and my dh's fear of danger is relatively low as a result (as with his siblings too). Not that he'd do anything silly or immature. When he was 9, his father decided at the spur of the moment to take him on a cycling trip to Paris. So they took off, father and son, on bicycles and got horrendously lost on a French motorway that didn't even allow bicycles. I do wonder how his mum allowed them on such an expedition!

kslatts · 02/03/2007 12:17

How would your dh react if you went out and was later back than you originally said. My dh wouldn't mind but I would call him to let him know, I don't mind if he's later back than he said he would be.

Original poster
prawnsmum · 03/03/2007 14:02

Thats exactly how I feel eddas- I dont mind what time he comes home I just worry when he's not home when he says he will be. But your also correct in saying at least he called (which was a first!!!) so maybe we are making some progress

OP posts:
edam · 03/03/2007 14:07

I am in a very, very bad mood because dh went out last night and stayed over with some friends. Fine. But he told me he would be back by 11 today. No phone call, no dh, so left a message on his mobile. Hadn't heard anything a couple of hours later so called again. Got dh who said, 'Oh, I'm just leaving now.' Fucker. It will take him two hours plus to get back. As if I don't have things I need to do today - like get things together for a two day conference with an overnight stay I'm travelling to on Monday.

Eddas · 03/03/2007 16:05

Prawnsmum, keep on trying, it worked in the end for me. Think the main thing is getting them to realise that you aren't objecting to them going out, which is what dh always thought my problem was.

kslatts, dh doesn't seem to worry but i never tell him a time so i can't be late!!! Lateness was never the issue really. It's the thinking he's hurt. I have an overactive imaginiation when it comes to bad events, always think the worst.

Edam, poor you. They are so inconsiderate some times. Don't think they mean it just genuinely don't think. Hope he's of some use when he eventually arrives

burstingbug · 03/03/2007 16:13

My DH went out a few weeks ago, he left 19.30 saturday said he'll be home on the last bus, so no later than midnight - I didn't see him till 14.15 on the sunday!
I wasn't happy. I'd left the door unlocked and a light on for him too. I had a text from his mate at 4 something in the morning saying DH was still alive although worse for wear.

Original poster
prawnsmum · 03/03/2007 20:56

Thanks eddas think he now knows i'm not trying to spoil his fun just concerned I too have an over active imagination!!! Images of him lying in a gutter Edam and burstinbug I think when alcohol is involved they forget all responsibility and want to be 18 again. Come the morning they will be full of sorry!!!- I would probably strangle them

OP posts:
WayBackWhen07 · 09/11/2022 14:46

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