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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

I'll call in at dinner time

23 replies

allgoodnamestaken · 23/02/2017 10:23

Invited a friend round and she said she'd call in at dinnertime. Does that mean she expects to be fed? Know that I can ask her. Thing is that I don't want to feed her. Or rather, I don't want to be told that I'm feeding her.

Is it rude to say something like 'do you want me to put the oven on for you if you want to pop something in there?'

OP posts:
ITGurl · 23/02/2017 10:32

Just say, can it wait until 7, (or whenever) we will be finished eating by then.
Don't offer your oven for her to cook her own. Thats opening up more issues.

User543210 · 23/02/2017 10:43

Yeah, just tell her to come after as you'll all be eating - say something like ''Can you come at 6/7, I'll be done with the dishes then so we can sit and have a proper chat.''

OpalFruitsMarathonsandSpira · 23/02/2017 10:45

I'd say dinnertime is a rough time. Not an invite to your table. Unless there is a drip feed coming or she has form.

ShowMePotatoSalad · 23/02/2017 10:45

Presume this hasn't happened before. In which case can't you offer to feed her or ask if she wants tea with you? She's a friend isn't she?

dylsmimi · 23/02/2017 10:48

I would assume she meant she won't be staying long as it is dinner time rather than wanting feeding
Though it may confuse me totally as we have dinner at a different time to the kids and sometimes call lunch 'dinner' as in dinner and tea
So I would have no clue when she was coming and would clarify the time anyway! Grin

Coastalcommand · 23/02/2017 10:49

What's wrong with feeding her? Would it not be the nice hospitable thing to do?

NancyDonahue · 23/02/2017 10:50

Tell her to come after dinner so you can catch up properly and not be in the middle of washing up.

Does she generally ask you to hers for dinner?

TheWinterOfOurDiscountTents · 23/02/2017 10:56

I don't understand the question. She said she'll call in at dinnertime, if you didn't want that, why not just say no, thats not covenient as its dinner time obviously come at X time instead?

eddiemairswife · 23/02/2017 11:05

Depends if she means 12.30 to 1ish, or 6.30 onwards. Not everyone calls the evening meal dinner.

Original poster
allgoodnamestaken · 23/02/2017 11:09

It wasn't going to be an in and out thing. She expects to be fed, which I would have been happy to do but don't think that you should announce that someone feed you. Surely it's manners to ask.
Think that it's more annoying as I've overheard her say things like 'I made allgoonnamestaken give me dinner'. So turning a nice gesture on my part into something she forced me to do.

OP posts:
Original poster
allgoodnamestaken · 23/02/2017 11:11

So yes, sorry, it probably is a drip feed.

OP posts:
TheWinterOfOurDiscountTents · 23/02/2017 11:14

Then don't do it. This isn't difficult.

seafoodeatit · 23/02/2017 11:15

Just say that you'd prefer to catch up after dinner time as that's family time. I don't think she can argue, you can't really force people to feed you.

YippieKayakOtherBuckets · 23/02/2017 11:17

OK, so you say 'No problem. Please could you make it after 6 as we'll have finished eating then and you can join us for a coffee.'

QuiteLikely5 · 23/02/2017 11:18

I do not think it implies she wants feeding at all!

If she said she was coming at bath time would you assume she wanted a bath?

You are overthinking this. Make her a cuppa and nothing else

OpalFruitsMarathonsandSpira · 23/02/2017 11:19

What about a text: can you grab x, y and z ingredients on your way over?

then say, "I made df contribute to the meal this time," to the same person she told about the last occasion

x2boys · 23/02/2017 11:21

i,d assume shes coming around 12 as its breakfast dinner and tea here missses point of thread completely....

LadyPW · 23/02/2017 11:23

Just say 'make it x pm as we'll have finished eating then'. And if she then says 'I thought I'd be fed' you can say that what you've planned won't go around. The cheek of her.

Berthatydfil · 23/02/2017 11:25

Gosh how rude of her.
Bat it back and say can you come after x o'clock I'll have finished food and cleared up by then so we will have plenty of time to do / discuss whatever over a cuppa.

blueskyinmarch · 23/02/2017 11:27

Just text back and say it would be better of she came after dinner time so you will be all cleared up and you can enjoy a nice natter over coffee/tea/wine? If you have DC all the better. Tell her it is easier to get everyone fed and settled for the evening before she comes?

confuugled1 · 23/02/2017 11:38

Say that you've already got food sorted for the night and it's not the sort of thing that will stretch but you're happy to do her some cheese on toast or an omlette so she doesn't go hungry while you eat your steaks or other delicious stuff

I do think it's a really cheeky way of inviting herself to dinner, especially at late notice, so definitely think you'd be justified in turning it around on her like the others have said by telling her that it would be more convenient to come later. Have you got any dc that having her pop by at dinner time and then chatting afterwards would cause interruptions to routines/bathtimes/homework/bed time story/etc - so to say that evenings are really not a good time and how about xxx instead?

Original poster
allgoodnamestaken · 23/02/2017 11:49

Thing is that if she arrives she'd probably have dessert/sweets for the kids. So not like she's ungrateful. What's mostly annoying me is the controlling aspect of it.
We are very close friends so I don't know if to her it's like popping in to her Mum's.

OP posts:
Parker231 · 23/02/2017 11:51

I don't understand your problem. Just say sorry that's times not convenient. Give her some suggested times which work for you.

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