to feel a bit pissed off about this?

[DannyOD]

It's my mum and dad's 60th wedding anniversary this year and they wanted to do something special with the family. They have decided to take us all away (there is 19 of us including their grandkids) for the weekend. However, they can't really afford it so have asked us all to put money towards it.

Bit of back story here, I am one of four children, my brother and sisters are all very well off - we are not. We have very little extra money for 'fun' things. My husband was made redundant recently and although he now has another job he doesn't earn as much as he did previously so we have to top it up each month with his redundancy pay off money.

I have asked if we could not instead go out for a really nice meal or something but mum is adamant this is what she wants to do so we have to all pay her some money towards it. On top of this we will have to pay out for a cattery and kennels for the weekend as well as spending money for while we are there. I know my brother will want to do something like get champagne and a cake for one of the nights that we will all have to chip in for too.

Is it wrong for me to feel angry about being railroaded into something that we cannot afford? Of course I want to celebrate their special anniversary but does it have to be such an extravaganza?

Do not go Danny, imagine how much easier life will be, without this big expense. Also you should go on the planned holiday.
Unfortunately, it really isn't all about your parents, when they are involving the family. Explain to them, all of the expenses, behind the scenes, eg cattery, kennels etc.
Maybe, you could invite them out for a meal, just you and your DH, or have them round, when they get back.
Don't stress it, hope you work it out.

Keeping the peace is pretty rubbish if you are at a significant disadvantage.
Do the sums and see if you can scrape through - but I think it's thoughtless of your siblings and your parents.

You give from your heart not from your wallet.

Mumzypopz I don't blame you for feeling miffed about that!

Would it be easier to explain to your Dad rather than to your Mum? Have all the figures written down - accom, cattery, petrol, your share of the inevitable cake/meal/champagne etc. Then tell him how much your shortfall in income is each month. And explain you have budged £x for a cheap holiday this year (you just know that if you cancel the anniversary trip that you'll be guilted over having a holiday instead).
Roll him that of course you want to celebrate their special event with them, but equally you want your DC to have a little holiday after the tough year just gone.

My mum does act like a spoilt child, I know if I say we are not going she will cry, then my dad will have a go at us for upsetting mum and I end up feeling like a scolded child again and go along with things to keep the peace.
All the more reason not to go. I can see why some people are saying go, but expecting you to just fork out money you can't afford is selfish of them. Decent parents don't do that. Tell them that you can't afford it, that you'd like to take them out for a meal instead (and it's their choice when they sulk and refuse), and prepare for the inevitable tears & tantrums.

How much will it cost you? If it is more than you can afford then just tell them. We can only afford to spare X.

Danny I know it's really hard to go against what your parents want especially if they'll turn on the emotional blackmail,believe me I've been there with my parents on more than one occasion,it only started changing after I started standing my ground.

It didn't change over night but it has changed,I've never understood why my parents were like it as neither sets of my Grandparents were like it so it wasn't learnt behaviour in my parents case.

I've never understood why my parents were like it as neither sets of my Grandparents were like it so it wasn't learnt behaviour in my parents case.

I think a lot of that is down to mellowing over time/treating gc differently to dc. I don't think we can ever really know the relationship between our parents and their parents.

I don't think it's unreasonable for you to have that as your holiday-we would.
However I think perhaps you should say that you would spend X amount on the holiday, and you will put that towards it.

If your dbro is the one likely to suggest cake/champagne catch him beforehand and tell him that if he does that you really can't pay as the holiday is clearing you out.

I think perhaps you should say you'd really love to go but simply can't afford to. Say you've blocked the date but haven't the money and maybe you can use FaceTime to join them. Say you know she wants you all there and you'd really, really love to but simply haven't got the money. Repeat often until either they or one of the siblings pays up or they agree it's unreasonable to expect you to pay.

Is there a compromise where you could attend the holiday for a shorter period i.e. 3 nights instead of 7? Or could you stay in cheaper accommodation but nearby?

No Opalfruits not the case with my parents and grandparents.

My Grandparents were people that really didn't ever want a fuss and they did lots for all of they're DC and us Grandchildren,my Grandparents were more mellow as children than my parents ever were as adults sadly.

I think it might be the case that my Grandparents were so good and so kind with they're children that my Mum and Dad have grown up to be a bit spoilt.