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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to make such a big change in my 40s?

52 replies

ShouldICouldI · 22/02/2017 08:05

I am married with 2 DC, one grown, early 20s, other 10yo. Currently run a very small business, have done for 15 years, brings in an ok income for the hours I do, and fits really well around youngest child. Before that I worked for over a decade in financial services, admin roles, up to management when I left.

I have always done jobs that fit in with family life, never anything I have really wanted to do, but have happily worked and progressed most of the time. But.... now I would like to have a complete change and go to uni to get a degree leading to a career in one of the healthcare professions. I would be 47 by the time I graduated.

I have wanted to do this a result of learning what I think are my strengths, needing to do a job which benefits other people, and a challenge for me to achieve something other than just a job and raising children.

But DH works really hard in a stressful job and hates it. He is slightly older and is looking more towards early retirement than me starting a new career, so isn't as keen as me obviously.

I feel like I am being very selfish, and it would be easy to just carry on as I am and forget it. Money isn't really the issue, but impact on family and home would be. I could carry on my business around study initially.

Is this a really stupid idea at my age?

OP posts:
LetsStartAtTheVeryBeginning · 22/02/2017 09:09

  1. It isn't all about money and whether you need more money. This is for your own personal benefit. Think about Maslow's hierarchy of needs. You have all the lower bands sorted, this is your self actualisation.

  2. Your husband is older than you. It's absolutely fine that he is looking towards early retirement. But that is his decision for his life. Not yours.

  3. You have put your children and your family first for your whole adult life. It would be more selfish of your husband to deny you this opportunity than it would be of you to take it.

YouMeddlingKids · 22/02/2017 09:10

Have you met with any people doing the career you're thinking of? What would they advise? I'm currently working in health care and went into it for the reasons you describe (interesting/challenging career helping people) but the reality is drowning in a sea of paperwork, understaffed teams and ridiculous expectations. Just letting you know that what's theoretically an amazing job isnt necessarily, thanks to all the cuts made in recent years.

malvinandhobbes · 22/02/2017 09:10

Not career related, but I've just had a baby in my early 40s. My other kids are older. While some people seem to be winding down at this age, I feel like we are speeding up. I am juggling career, baby, etc again and it is lovely.

It feels good to speed up. Life is long and 40 isn't the beginning of the end anymore.

Solasum · 22/02/2017 09:14

The alternative is retiring at 51? That could mean 30 years of retirement. That is a very long time to be thinking 'what if'.

EffieWilson · 22/02/2017 09:17

Which healthcare role is it OP? Very different demands, availability of posts etc.. for some not others.

CoolCarrie · 22/02/2017 09:34

Do it! My dh changed his career and is much happier doing a much more fulfilling role. He was older as well when he took the plunge, but he doesn't regret the time spent in the other job as it was financially rewarding enabling him to do his studies.

Original poster
ShouldICouldI · 22/02/2017 09:40

Thank you for so many varied views, this all really helps. I would like to do radiography so it is fairly niche I suppose. The unis I would be able to attend if I could get a place have good rates of employment for graduates.

Getting a job will be a huge point though, I still need to do more research on that side. I would need to do an access to HE course at local college for year, then a 3 year degree at a local uni. Lots of ifs and buts still I suppose...

And yes I guess as an outsider I have rose tinted glasses of NHS roles.

OP posts:
ChrisYoungFuckingRocks · 22/02/2017 09:42

I also say go for it. I'm 45 and thinking about going back to school to be a vet (my childhood dream). Grin

LeoTimmyandVi · 22/02/2017 09:57

I am 40 next month and went back to Uni last Sept to retrain as an Occupational Therapist. I am enjoying it very much. I am a lone parent with very little practical support from the children's dad - but I am managing and much less stressed with the work load than some of the younger ones :)

MrsChopper · 22/02/2017 10:22

Look at it this way:

When you get to retirement age and look back, would you regret not giving this a chance?
Do you believe this change will bring you happiness?

If the answer is yes, go for It! Life is too short!

Surreyblah · 22/02/2017 10:38

You need to investigate the actual jobs: study is the least of it.

Goldrill · 22/02/2017 10:49

Another one here - I am 41 and left a good career last year to retrain as a teacher. I reckon that within a decade I might come close to matching last year's salary - if I do well! I am very defined by my work and I can't actually imagine ever retiring, so finding a job I enjoy and am challenged by is pretty important to me.

Also, as pps have said; coming in older changes your perspective - going in to the nhs or teaching might be a bit less challenging for people who have tried "easier" jobs/lifestyle and found them wanting?

Good luck OP!

regularbutpanickingabit · 22/02/2017 10:53

Go for it. Yes, those advising caution about how the reality of healthcare often differs from the expectations but if you are not relying on this being a transformation from low earnings to high earnings and go in with your eyes open then it is a great opportunity to accomplish something new. What happens when you get those qualifications and where/how you work is a long way off. Right now it will do your self esteem a world of good and open doors for you. As for your youngest? Most families have 2 working parents and so the juggling around childcare and time spent together is something many of their friends will be very familiar with.

Your husband is probably understandably shocked at a sudden change of the status quo and just needs to readjust his own expectations. Talk it through sensibly and listen to each others' concerns and hopefully you can both find a way forward you are happy with.

Good luck!

SquedgieBeckenheim · 22/02/2017 11:10

100% do it! You will regret it if you don't.
Majority of students in various healthcare roles are mature, so don't let that hold you back. You've put your family before yourself for so long, now is the time to put yourself first.

MuseumOfCurry · 22/02/2017 11:12

DO IT.

sunshinesupermum · 22/02/2017 11:18

My BF was in a similar situation as you OP but older, in her 50s, when she took a therapy training course (4 years and very expensive) and her older husband was unsupportive. She now has a thriving practice and he can't complain at the money she earns.

You have only one life and you are still young enough, so go for it. Good luck with winning DH over but there comes a point in all our lives that we have to do fulfilling things for ourselves too.

Bettyspants · 22/02/2017 14:04

Just to add, I love my job in the NHS !

Surreyblah · 22/02/2017 14:16

It's a huge amount of time, effort and money to invest if the job isn't as you imagine or the working conditions are poor. Sensible to speak to as many people as you can about their experience of it, or ask online!

paddlenorapaddle · 22/02/2017 18:47

I've just gone back aged 40 to uni full time it's brilliant hard work but really great the oldest woman on our course is 57 x

paddlenorapaddle · 22/02/2017 18:48

Do an access course now and then see how you feel x

Original poster
ShouldICouldI · 23/02/2017 05:12

Thanks all, yes I definitely need to look into this much more. I needed to get DH on board now though as I'd feel like I was being secretive if I start researching any more if that makes sense?

Anyway, had a very long talk yesterday with DH and I am going to an open evening at the local college to find out more about the Access course and take it from there. He has genuine and understandable concerns, and although I know I can find a way around this, I need to show him how I'll do it too! and I will.

I get excited at the thought of it, so need to keep my sensible head on.

OP posts:
user1477282676 · 23/02/2017 05:50

Do it! People aren't "old" at 50 odd any more. People can now usually expect to live healthy and happy working lives for much longer. You've also made me think about it too...I'm 44 and I have thought about training to teach adults or to work in youth services.

I might just look into it now!

Hotbot · 23/02/2017 07:21

Do it but a word of caution,
Radiography is quite physical and heavy going. Do you want to be working night shifts at over 55? Future proofing will you be able to find something that won't involve shift work etc and you could maybe also do some private work on the side ?
Also if you're worried about being mature and at uni don't be, but have you considered trying to do work via the assistant practitioner route which will give you an idea of what involved without the 3 yr course, it could be an option ?
But please do go for it , my mum did the same as you and I have never been more proud of any one .

Surreyblah · 23/02/2017 07:28

Some people have good health and energy as they age, but many others do not.

Original poster
ShouldICouldI · 23/02/2017 07:33

Yes good health is not a given, I agree. For now, I am pretty fit, run half marathons, and will hopefully continue to do so. My own mother runs too, and she is in her 70s so I am hoping I could handle that side of it.

Thank you for raising the downsides though, I need to go into this knowing the whole picture.

Any Radiographers out there over 50, and like what they are doing?

OP posts: