to clear out our joint account....

[Bellabooboo]

My DH never looks at our joint account and spends money willy nilly. He's a great earner and thinks that he can afford anything. He's quite irresponsible financially (I am responsible for mortgage, insurances, pensions etc) and often we end up going over drawn because he doesn't check the accounts. There is money but just in other accounts that I've put aside.

He's just booked a michelin star restaurant for my birthday and we can't afford it. Personally I'd rather go to a local pub as I am genuinely not bothered about my birthday but its an excuse for him to get pissed. I've told him to cancel it and to not complain as its my birthday and I'll do it low key if I want to.

Yes he's a big man child. I've told him millions of times to check the account and think about what else he's going to buy but it DOES NOT SINK IN.

AIBU to clear out our joint account so that his card gets rejected to teach him a lesson? Probably a bit immature but can't think what else is going to work!

Cancel the restaurant and book what you want for starters.

Can you not have two joint accounts - one for bills and one for spends? This is what we do as otherwise I get anxious about direct debits bouncing if DH spends too much.

With regards to your birthday just cancel his booking and book what you want to do.

Do yo mean the card will be rejected at the restaurant?
I wouldn't do that because you won't enjoy the meal

But yes, clear out the account asap.

I'd agree with 2 accounts. We have 2 joint accounts, current and savings and I remove a hefty portion each payday from current to savings. The money is there if we need it, but the current is mentally allocated as the daily account.

The savings account is the 'holiday' account. DH fritters a bit, so in previous years there has been not alot left for holidays. He has not noticed the lack (but knows about the savings account of course!) and the savings account is building nicely. Makes me feel more secure knowing we have a cushion.

Get a totally separate account. Move enough money each month to cover bills and essentials. Get all DDs to come out of it.

Leave other money in joint account as spends. Then he can only spend what is spare.

I've never really understood why in the UK the default consequence of bad money management is going overdrawn. Even when the account holder hasn't specifically arranged an overdraft. Surely the consequence of balance going to zero should be that you can just no longer spend?

I suppose it is the way it is because then banks gets to make a lot of money by invoking the small print.

When I'm dictator I will make automatic overdrafts illegal. And even arranged ones will only be allowed to account holders who sign a form saying "I am very stupid with money and realise that moving the cut-off for when spending has to stop doesn't make any difference to the amount I can spend, but I want to do it anyway."

Actually I got that wrong, an overdraft, like any borrowing that costs in charges and interest, does make a difference to the amount you can spend. It reduces it.

If you're sharing money with a fritterer, you need 4 accounts:

An account where all money goes in and essential bills are paid from, plus food and petrol (or separate these off somehow). No other money is spent from this account, especially discretionary spends, unless agreed by both parties. Main aim is to ensure that all direct debits etc get paid and avoid bank charges for going overdrawn as that is just a monumental waste of money.

A savings account for annual expenses, emergencies, holidays or just for savings, to be topped up each month by an agreed amount and only used for these things.

A spends account for each person, that cannot go overdrawn and each person gets a fixed equal amount each month for their own personal spends. When it's gone, it's gone.

Agree to cancelling the Michelin star restaurant if you can't afford it. I shudder to think how much 'getting pissed' would cost if he fully explores the wine list and finishes off with a whisky or two from the expensive end of the menu.

Could I suggest you cancel the restaurant booking, and then sit down with him and explain how nervous it makes you feel that he's frittering all your money away?

I think it's far better to speak in person if you can, rather than anything more direct which I think has the potential of coming off as very passive aggressive.

I think you've got some very real relationship issues. I wouldn't be able to live with someone who is so irresponsible - the stress would be too much. You need to address this with him, cleaning out the joint account isn't going to help in the long term.

We've got a joint account for bills and niether of us touch that. It's the joint spending account he spends from so we end up with no money for general spending. So annoying.

He needs his own personal spending account then and no cards to the others.
Cancel the restaurant and book somewhere else you really want to go to that's within budget. I like Groupon for places I wouldn't normally think of.

Does he realise how anxious this makes you? Worrying over money stresses me out extraordinarily, Dh knows this and we manage our finances accordingly so we have a good safety net at all times.

um no you can't clear it out.

The two of you need to communicate about this, doing something as immature as clearing the account will not solve this problem!

Cancel the restaurant booking if you wish and say it like it is we aren't going as we can't afford it and we also need to talk about our money situation and your spending so sit down and listen

Why don't you look in to having your own spending money accounts rather than a joint one, the. When's spent him its tough luck

Could you alter the joint account for spending so that you both need to agree to whatever the purchase is? That way big purchases for house/meals together etc could come out of there. He can then have his own account, and you yours, for individual spending, when he runs out, he runs out!