Aibu to still have wobbles a year after being ill - I feel pathetic!

[mumandthemany]

I had my 6th dd 18 months ago. The pregnancy and birth were fine but 5 weeks later the baby was in hospital with a chest infection . She got better quickly but the I collapsed and got rushed in in an ambulance with pneumonia .

I'll try to keep this short but over the next 6 months I was in hospital 3 times in "resus" - which I did not enjoy all 3 times. I had pneumonia flu, quinsy and sepsis over the course of that six months. It sounds awful but tbh I didn't feel that bad at the time. I was clearly ill but didn't feel it generally!

I also developed pnd really badly I was in a state and even began scratching my own arms until they bled which is something I have never done before. My doctor gave me flouxitene.

Anyway fast forward a year I feel much better generally.

I am a mum of 6 I home educate and one of the children is autistic so I am busy! But I would say I do feel ok about 75%of the time.

However the other 25% I am just so wobbly!

If I get ill at all I just seem to go down really fast both mentally and physically to the point where I can't function for a period of hours - days.

TodY for example I had an email which worried me ( it's really nothing major just a small thing I had to deal with). And I just felt like I couldn't cope I just feel like crying and really had to struggle not to scratch at myself again.

I sometimes just feel not ok at all. That's all I can describe it as. But then in a day or two I'm fine again.

I know that my dh and in laws notice and they just eye roll now. It's just me being silly again - but I just feel like it's ok to be like hat sometimes still and I shouldn't be made to feel stupid!

Aibu?

Navy yes on the weekend dh entertains them for an afternoon so I can relax and i do get time to relax in the evening as well

I would say what you are feeling is normal. Most people who have had spesis struggle progress the trauma around their care.

I ended up back in hospital with spesis after having my DD by EMCS and I struggled to deal with that and my issues with bf as a result of it. I say a clinical psychologist to help me deal with. My situation was way less traumatic than yours. It sounds like you need similar support. I was referred by the GP who initially thought I had PND.

Heir yes I had to stop feeding my dd at 6 weeks which upset me as I have fed the other to 18 months. So it was an odd experience for me. I was also separated from her for quite a while.

Thanks navy. I feel stupid going to my gp when I'm actually fine.

Also I can't really walk in the door without a mega panic attack which doesn't help.

The gp I saw who gave me he flouxitene was really nice but she is off long term Ill now and the one that's replaced her is just not nice at all!

I was devastated by the breast feeding and I thought that was main issue but working with the psychologist I realised it was not. The psychologist I worked with is part of the perinatal mental health team and only works with pregnant and postpartum women. I would strongly recommend that you ask to be referred by your GP to the perinatal mental health team. They were amazing.

It must have been difficult been separated from your baby. I was lucky in that I was readmitted to the maternity ward so I was able to have DD with me. I was too ill to look after her but as they are all private room DH was also able to stay.

I think you need to go back to the doctor with the physical symptoms, it might be something as simple as low iron levels.

How integrated into the local HE community are you? I know finding child care for 6 children would be hard but people round here would rally around anyone who posted on our local group to say they were struggling. Even if all they could do was supply tea and watch kids at groups so you could relax a bit.

The fact that you are having panic attacks says that you do need some help.

Can you look on your GP website and see who specialises in mental health and write down your concerns and what you want and hand it over at the appointment.

I had am emcs with ds (baby 11) and I had heart problems after the op. A year of tests before I got the OK and feel similar to you at times also. I have explained it to myself as being because I was out of the loop of 'normality' of our life and family. .
My dh is great at making me take time out even if it's just a long bath or a coffee with the crossword. . Don't be too hard on yourself..

You are not being unreasonable at all. You have had masses to cope with and illness, mental or otherwise can really knock your confidence and overall health for a long long time, perhaps forever.

Your partner and inlaws are a big part of your support network, and to be honest they should be doing just that, supporting you in difficult times as I assume you would for them.

I suffer badly with anxiety and think you need to try to nip this in the bud whilst it's at this stage because mine has just got so much worse over time - I however can't take the anti depressants at all, they make me feel horrendous. If you are still taking the proxac, maybe the dosage needs to be adjusted up a notch to see if that helps. If you're not on it anymore, maybe you need to consider taking it again. Hope you feel better soon, but you to me are a super woman - you should be so proud of your achievements

Hold on, you've been through an incredibly traumatic year with being ill yourself, having to give up BF and spending time away from your new baby. And you home ed 6 kids, one of whom is autistic?

And your DH and in-laws roll their eyes and think you're being silly when you have a bad day?! Fuck me.

If you can, get yourself to your GP. If not, perhaps see if there are any local charities who assist with parenting/educating large families and children with autism. You may find some like-minded people there who you can lean on and gather strength with.

You've really been through the mill haven't you? Do see the GP again - make some notes about how you feel at your worst and don't minimise anything - be really brutal with yourself to be completely honest with your doctor so they can help you effectively.

Anxiety is awful - I have a medium sort of case of it that I'm getting counselling for (again!) and it's really helped. Guessing you don't work for a company, but if your DH does, is there any spouse assistance available? My work only offers counselling to employees but I have heard of places that have family coverage and its quicker to get seen.

And someone needs to make your family aware of how you are feeling and how to support that - eye - rolling is unacceptable and a callous way to treat a loved one who's been through so much.

This might sound a little weird- but have you considered the idea that you might also be autistic?

It's not unusual for females to be missed as children/adolescents and to seek diagnosis as an adult, especially if they have one or more autistic children.

I was diagnosed with Asperger's just short of my 30th birthday, and quite a bit of what you said resonates with me.

In my case, it wasn't my own illness but that of a close family member in the postnatal period that was the trigger. It's a known phenomenon- autistic burnout- where the 'demands' on you outweigh your ability to cope, resulting in a loss of coping mechanisms and a downturn in mental health.

I have days where I feel just 'not OK' and small things can make me cry uncontrollably, bring out my extreme stims (which is what the scratching sounds like to me, not an actual attempt to harm yourself but a sensory input that distracts you and calms you) and generally unable to function for a period of time (a shutdown).

There's a long running series of threads in mumsnetters with SN, for neurodivergent women (covering autism, ADHD, and related problems), you might want to have a read.

Thanks everyone .

I d

Oops - I do meet up with other home educating mums but as groups but tbh I wouldn't say I am really close with any its more the kids making friends!

I haven't thought about being autistic - I have no idea tbh

Oops super not sure how I managed to cut off that message then post it twice last night

I was trying to say thanks for responding
I do see other people who home ed and we go to a couple of groups but I wouldn't say I am close with anyone.

I don't know about autism I've never really thought about it - I suppose it's a possibility!