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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

clean break order/child mainenance advice

12 replies

user192 · 20/02/2017 10:39

NC as potentially outing. Sorry its long (Also posting for traffic, not an AIBU, sorry)

I will try to give a back story so as not to drip feed. DH divorced ExW roughly 2 years ago, but didn't obtain a clean break order. He has a child with ExW, who she has moved away and stopped him seeing, long story but he is doing what he can to get access. ExW left DH 9 years ago when their DS was about 3, initially left children (he has a step son) with him. As she doesn't work and he does, it was agreed she would have son living with her, and DHs SS chose to live with his dad as didn't want to live with his mum. DH was visiting both children regularly, paying maintenance, clothing and feeding children when he had them etc. Then ExW moved 200 miles away. DH followed & moved nearby to see his son, visits every other weekend etc. One day he turned up to see son and SS who was visiting ExW, and the house had been moved out of, with no notice or forwarding address to DH. DH still gets on with EXInlaws, who are helping him with the access and new address.

DH was paying a set, agreed amount each month. ExW decided she could get more money through official routes, so informed CSA, who did get her more money. As ExW didn't/doesn't work, they informed her income support people, who deducted money from her, so she ended up with less than she initially was before CSA involvement (sorry, im not very good with official/technical terms). ExW and DH agreed to cancel CSA involvement, and he paid her monthly bank transfers again. When ExW moved away without informing DH and stopped him seeing his son, DH stopped paying maintenance, and saved money into an account for DS for when he is older.

DH is now looking into a Clean Break Order, but is concerned ExW will get CSA involved again. He's not worried about paying for his child, but knows from previous instances that ExW spends the money on herself instead of clothing son, so wants to make sure the money goes to son and not ExW (he does understand maintenance is for housing on top of other things for child), hence the bank account for son (who is 12).

If he gets a clean break order, after already cancelling CSA (or whatever they call themselves these days), can she reapply for it?

ExW left DH with £30k+ debt, as it was in both names and she doesn't earn money, he is paying it off. Debt was for things she managed to get in joint name after leaving DH, but before he separated accounts etc., so he understandably doesn't want to give her anymore money for herself if he can help it. DH wants to do the Clean Break order without involving solicitors if he can help it, so any experience or advice would be greatly appreciated.

OP posts:

Allthebestnamesareused · 20/02/2017 18:21

As I understand it any Clean Break Order will relate only to his ExW herself and not to the child. She will be entitled to apply to the CSA for maintenance for her DS.

The reality is he cannot dictate how she spends the maintenance money. I assume she is housing, clothing and feeding the child.

Money sat in an account for a 12 year old is not doing any of those things!

Whatthefudger · 20/02/2017 18:24

Clean break order and maintenance are totally different things. Are they divorced and finances settled

Karmaisabitch · 20/02/2017 19:02

Your best bet would be a consent order however, exw needs to agree too.

Also, personally I think the whole money in a bank account for his son his absolute crap, fact is, she's clothing, feeding & paying for everything for his son.....pocket money, games, birthdays....everything, why would your DH give all that money to the child when he's not the forking out for his own upbringing??

That bit about the account for son won't wash well with people on here, access & CSA are 2 separate issues. The money shouldn't be going to his son when he's older to help him out whilst his mother has paid everything!

Hamiltoes · 20/02/2017 19:06

You or he have no idea what she spends her money on. And if he had to pay more when CSA got involved (which is the bare minimum he should legally pay) he has clearly not been paying enough!

Willyoujustbequiet · 20/02/2017 19:15

The clean break order is for her not his child. You cannot clean break child support. It will continue regardless.

She can spend the money on whatever the hell she likes. Its her money and nothing to do with you.

Willyoujustbequiet · 20/02/2017 19:17

And child maintenance does not count as income so it did not affect her benefits

BoneyBackJefferson · 20/02/2017 19:27

She can re-apply for CSA (or whatever), he can apply for a court order to see his child. he can also apply for a reduction for travelling.

Only one will be enforced by garnishing wages, the other won't prevent her from moving around and making it difficult to see his children.

BastardBernie · 20/02/2017 20:03

Child maintenance is not counted as income for benefit purposes.

JoMalones · 20/02/2017 20:15

That doesn't make sense as maintenance doesn't count for income support or any benefits. It isn't up to him to dictate how the money is spent, I can guarantee it won't cover 50% of his DC's costs. A bedroom, his portion of utility bills, food, clothing, uniform, school lunches, extra curricular activities, holidays, pocket money, toys, fuel etc costs a lot. Putting it in a bank account is a v v v poor excuse and should be given to the mother. Courts look badly on non payment but also cutting contact. Neither are linked in court. He should be paying the minimum of cms. If he gets a clean break, child maintenance is still meant to be paid.

Purplepotatoe · 20/02/2017 20:15

Yes she can always apply for child maintenance until the child benefit stops (up to 20 if in full time ed) and they will not take account of any debts or his outgoings etc whatsoever. If he does understand CM is for housing as well as things for child why does it follow 'hence why he has a bank account for son' does the son pay for his own housing? Sorry but there is no way for him to avoid the CMS at all and no court will order a lower amount than CMS. CM is also entirely separate to contact as other pp have said, he will have to go to court to deal with that. I have a lot of sympathy for people who have to deal with the CMS however he sounds like he is giving her zero money which is totally UR.

Trifleorbust · 21/02/2017 03:19

Why is he putting money in an account for his son? All the expense relating to raising his child is being met by his ex.

Karmaisabitch · 21/02/2017 20:47

This is the biggest issue when it comes to CM.

As soon as the mother buys herself something, she is accused of spending the money on herself.

What people fail to realise is that the child probably needed something, she paid for it & then at the end of the month, bought herself something nice!

Apparently when a woman has a child & splits up with the father, she forfeits any kind of luxury in case the father thinks his pennies per month is paying for it.

As some say "I pay for my child, not her lifestyle".....utter bollocks & makes me so angry!

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