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AIBU?

To wonder why my 14 year old is unable to....

82 replies

tovelitime · 20/02/2017 07:49

Put any of his dirty clothes in the washing basket in his bedroom but can only put his dirty pants and socks next to the said basket. It drives me utterly insane and when I mention it to him he looks at me like I'm utterly insane.

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BertrandRussell · 20/02/2017 08:33

"You were always going to get holier than thou responses to this basically "accusing you of being a bad motherI have the same issue with my 15 yo DS1 who has his own wash basket (at least then I see it less often in the hallway). And my husband.

Your DS is in training to be a man."

Nothing to do with being a bad mother. Everything to do with enabling the next generation of mens' learned incompetence.

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tovelitime · 20/02/2017 08:35

What's even better is that his 6 year old brother is learning from the expert and I've always a lovely sock collection by the sofa. To be fair, it's not a great problem, he's a pretty good boy and generally keeps his room in a decent state I'm just perpetually confused as to why put the clothes directly next to the basket, which is in his room, rather than in it. I should point out that I don't live in a hovel, luckily the tidy fairy tends to flap her wings and it all magically disappear. Either that or the threat of the wifi going off tends to get them moving extremely quickly.

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BertrandRussell · 20/02/2017 08:37

And I don't like the "everyone do their own" idea. We're a family , not a house share. But there's no reason why it has to be the same person doing it. Surely "I'm putting a dark wash on- anybody got anything to go in it?" is what people over the age of about 12 say?

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dietstartsmonday · 20/02/2017 08:37

Same here but more annoying is when i have nagged enough and said clothes make the washing basket i discover that half are actually clean, they just couldn't be arsed to put them away when i gave them to them!!!!

I have three teens so its painful in my house at times...

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BeyondThePage · 20/02/2017 08:44

It is not the fact he is a boy, it is the fact he is 14. It is normal. Stereotypes exist for a reason.

I have 2 teen daughters - they were the same for a bit, they got over it eventually with a bit of - "clothes in the basket please - NOW - YES NOWWWW" thrown in meantime.

Eldest now 16 and quite capable of putting a wash on, and she does from time to time.

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SaudadeObama · 20/02/2017 08:46

My mum did my washing for me until I left home, so did DH. We're quite clever though, we managed to operate a washing machine all by ourselves.
My 14 year old son is brilliant but my 11 year old daughter is awful. She leaves her clothes on the bed or worse shovels them in the bottom ofthe wardrobe. If the washing was left to her we'd all be up shit creak. She doesn't care if she's dirty.
Maybe I should start training. I'll get some tween treats in the pet aisle tomorrow, don't want her becoming one of those scary un trained man things you are talking about

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ravenmum · 20/02/2017 08:50

Don't people wash dark, white, coloured and hot anti-bacterial wash separately? Shocked to my core . Now it is just me and my son I don't have enough clothes to separate them as fussily, and put the darks and colours together sometimes but only out of desperation :)

Put the dirty pants and socks on the settee when his friends come round.

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tovelitime · 20/02/2017 08:54

Good to know we aren't alone. And whoever suggested putting the clothes around the sofa when friends come over, they're 14, I seriously doubt they'd either notice or care.

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BertrandRussell · 20/02/2017 08:55

"OMG- boys and men are awful at X"
"Don't enable boys and men to be awful at X, then"
"How very dare you say boys and men are awful at X! Girls and women are just as bad - worse, probably!"

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FurryLittleTwerp · 20/02/2017 08:56

I don't wash anything that isn't in a linen basket. DH & DS know this & it works well. DS will wash his own stuff sometimes & changes his own bed linen.

DH accumulates "half worn" stuff & then dumps it all in the basket in one go including just before we go on holiday when I thought I'd washed everything to leave the baskets clear for holiday stuff which drives me slightly nuts, but I refuse to trawl round for things.

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omnishamblesssssssssssssss · 20/02/2017 08:58

They just wouldn't get washed in my house. He'd run out of clothes as if only wash the stuff in the laundry basket but then that would be his choice.

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Purplebluebird · 20/02/2017 09:01

My OH is like this -.- It fucks me off.

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ratspeaker · 20/02/2017 09:02

Our wash basket is next to the washing machine, in the utility cupboard.
If its not there it doesnt get washed by me.

All the laundry detergents, softners, vinegar and machine instructions are there available to all.

In our house this rule applies to everyone male, female , rats ( though I will give them a hand moving the hammocks)

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Iamastonished · 20/02/2017 09:05

"And I don't like the "everyone do their own" idea. We're a family , not a house share."

It's a bit weird isn't it. I like to wash whites, lights and darks separately. It wouldn't work if we each did our own washing. I assume that households who do this mustn't care whether their whites turn greyish or they only have dark clothes.

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Mistigri · 20/02/2017 09:07

My 14 year old uses his bedroom floor as a laundry basket, but eventually the dirty clothes find their way into the basket by the washing machine, because he knows that if they don't, they won't get washed ;)

It seems wasteful to have teenagers washing small loads of their own stuff.

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unlucky83 · 20/02/2017 09:08

Everyone doing their own washing just means you have washing everywhere all the time...it doesn't really make life easier...
I tried 'do your own washing' with teen DD1 (has ADHD) ...I found whenever I wanted the machine there was washing in it - often that had been forgotten about for a few days and musty and needed doing again ...same with in the tumble or drying racks .... I was still folding it up etc to make room for me to dry mine and younger DDs clothes...
l know she knows how to do washing so I decided to let her learn how to manage it better in her own living space not mine...when it doesn't inconvenience me.
Same with putting clean washing away - it ended up on her floordrobe and eventually back into the dirty washing unworn - I cull her clothes so there is always drawer space and it takes me minutes to put it away ...
With the washing not in the basket - just wash what is in the basket...eventually they will pick everything up...
(Honestly I throw my pants/socks etc into the dirty washing basket every night - and if I miss I pick it up in the morning on my way past...)
I might be more tolerate of DD learning to manage washing if it wasn't for DP - he mainly does his own washing, suspect he also has ADHD - can't trust him to do the family laundry cos he boil washes/colour runs/ gets washing powder in the rinse/tumble dries everything on hot - and he does it to his own clothes too it isn't a way of getting out of doing it. He doesn't care enough about it to concentrate on what he is doing.
I find that annoying - have to wash out the soap drawer before I use, find wet washing in the machine when I want to use it and he hangs wet washing on top of dry washing on racks/the line ... he has got slightly better over time but not much.
If I had space I'd have a separate machine, drying etc for my sole use ...

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ArcheryAnnie · 20/02/2017 09:09

DS (15) and I take it in turns to load the washing machine with whatever is in there.

Does he hang out the washing afterwards as efficiently or as neatly as I would? No. It drives me mad sometimes, and the clothes are far more crumpled when he's done it than when I do it. But I think slightly-crumpled clean clothes are a fair tradeoff for him learning how to behave like a responsible proto-adult.

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Iamastonished · 20/02/2017 09:13

unlucky's posts demonstrates why we have one person in charge of the washing in our house - me or OH, not both of us at the same time.

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ravenmum · 20/02/2017 09:14

My two have been washing clothes, hanging them up to dry and ironing them since they were about 12, but that hasn't yet stopped them from being teenagers who can't be bothered to put their stuff in the wash.

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unlucky83 · 20/02/2017 09:17

Oh and DD2 (10) does the socks in the living room thing .... drives me mad...
DD1 did it too but doesn't any more - working on DD2
so it isn't just a male thing...
(it is one of the reasons I have a dirty washing basket downstairs as well as up though...)
DP makes a ball of socks (involves multiple folding onto themselves) to play catch with DDs sometimes - now that boils my piss...especially when I find it forgotten down the back of the sofa ...at a minimum it goes into his wash basket as a ball -but I have been known to stick it in his pillowcase on the underside - so he finds an annoying lump under his head when he gets into bed...or under the bed sheet on his side...

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Coulibri · 20/02/2017 09:19

Nothing to do with being a bad mother. Everything to do with enabling the next generation of men's learned incompetence.

This. Why do so many people on here not grasp that the continual 'lighthearted' threads about male incompetence actually contribute to the situation they are 'jokily' complaining about? I have to assume that these women at some level simply do not want their male partners, husbands and sons to play an equal part in household chores.

I don't know why you would actually not want that, but the fact that these threads invariably go the same way, with the 'my incompetent/untidy husband/son' complainers getting furious with people who point out that this is not actually an inevitable part of life, and that having testicles does not, in fact, debar you from being able to sort whites from darks and switch on an appropriate cycle.

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ravenmum · 20/02/2017 09:26

I thought this thread was about teenagers not bothering to put their dirty clothes in the wash. Not about males not being able to wash their clothes. I have a male and a female teenager. Both are able to wash clothes (for the whole family). Neither can be bothered to put their clothes in the wash. What does that say about perpetuating men's learned incompetence??

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MrsBobDylan · 20/02/2017 09:28

This is not lighthearted. I only need to think about my BIL dropping his kecks by the basket so my poor SIL can pick them up and wash the fuckers. That is NOT funny.

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hibbledobble · 20/02/2017 09:29

I did my own laundry from 11. If I didn't do it, I wouldn't have clean clothes. I always used full machines too.

If doing separate laundry is such an issue then ask him to do a communal load a week. He should be helping somehow. He needs to be taught independence.

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Dancergirl · 20/02/2017 09:29

And I don't like the "everyone do their own" idea. We're a family , not a house share

I agree, it's weird. But I think it's also odd and petty not to wash only stuff in the washing basket. So that means dirty stuff STAYS ON THE FLOOR?? You may be teaching your teens responsibility but you are also teaching them to be petty.

Teens aren't perfect and need frequent reminders about stuff. But I think it's also important to remember that teens are under huge pressures at school these days and also undergoing physical and emotional changes. It's hard. I try to cut them a bit of slack at home. That doesn't mean they do what they like and don't contribute to family life, it means I expect gradual steps in the right direction rather than perfection.