To wonder why my 14 year old is unable to....

[tovelitime]

Put any of his dirty clothes in the washing basket in his bedroom but can only put his dirty pants and socks next to the said basket. It drives me utterly insane and when I mention it to him he looks at me like I'm utterly insane.

[misshelena]

It's not a boys' issue. DD16 is the same -- clothes everywhere! Yes it bothers me a lot, but not as much as having to nag her. So I just let it go. She is a lovely kid in every other way.

Just can't bring myself to do the "each one does her own load of laundry". I'd feel too guilty. Right now, 4 of us, I do 2 full loads a week, sometimes just 1! Also, suspect DD13 would end up doing DD16's laundry...

[Therealyellowwiggle]

Bertrand you are not wrong. I have suggested he pee in my hands instead of the toilet as it shows contempt imo. Or if not that, at least a view that seconds of his time are so much more important than seconds of mine. It's never him though, it's always ds (and of course sometimes it is). I think I need a proper "this is a deal breaker" talk rather than just picking him up on each instance. Ironically he views himself as pro- feminist, and in many ways he is.

[Coulibri]

Jesus, Bertrand, don't even use 'feminazi' in jest, as you did there. You won't know me as I name change every week or so, but while there has been the odd thing on which I've disagreed with you, I generally think you should get the Mumsnet equivalent of a medal for engaging in rational, generally good-tempered debate with people who are clearly not used to hearing someone articulate a rational feminist POV at all. I don't know what netherworld these people are living in or what forms of misogyny they have internalised in order to present as they do, but you have considerably more patience than I do, and you are a public education resource on here.

Incidentally, on the loo seat thing, there's a brilliantly awful scene in the new Gwendoline Riley novel where a a monstrous bully of a father repeatedly calls his visiting student daughter out of a room in front of a friend of his and sends her up to the bathroom to 'clean up', although she can't see anything wrong in there. Eventually she lifts the seat and sees two pinhead sized drops of dried blood. When she comes back down, he keeps asking her if it's all gone, then tells his friend 'Women just aren't naturally clean, are they?'

[HesAnUmptyFlump]

Why aren't they ashamed?

Well the ones that do it do so because they don't register the women in their lives as equals. They'd be ashamed if their male friends saw/had to deal with it because they are on the same level of the hierarchy as they are. But the women don't count. They don't care what they think.

On the other hand, not all men/boys do it. It largely depends on the expectations the women (and other men, but largely women if it's the women dealing with it) in their lives have of them.

I am a lone parent and I expect my children to play an equal part in running the house to me. I had a friend many years ago who was also a lone parent and by the time her son was 7, she was already referring to him as "the man of the house" and he was afforded special luxuries and allowances as a boy. I dread to think what he'll be like now he's 18.

[DJBaggySmalls]

Animals and birds keep their nests clean. I cant get my head round why men think its ok to treat women like their slaves, or live in filth.

[BertrandRussell]

I realize that I am about to be accused of being a feminazi funsponge, but surely there is nothing that says patriarchy more than men thinking it's OK for them to leave pee on the loo seat for a woman to clean up?

Why aren't they ashamed?

[DoloresVanCartier]

Ravenmum that's a great idea and I'll give it a go thanks

[Therealyellowwiggle]

Ravenmum I will try that today! My dh and ds blame each other when I find a pee covered seat. I doubt there's a solution short of divorce, I feel I've tried everything else

[IAmNotAWitch]

There are two laundry baskets here. One in the downstairs laundry and one upstairs on the landing.

If it isn't in either of those it doesn't get washed. If I find stuff around the place I throw it into their room.

If their rooms aren't tidy when the cleaner comes, their rooms don't get cleaned. Which means no washing put away (my fantastic saber puts our washing away).

We have a pretty sweet set up here. I make sure they appreciate it.

[ravenmum]

Simple trick re the seat lifting but worth a try if you don't already: always put the lid down. That way the next user has to lift the lid so might as well lift the seat with it.

[DoloresVanCartier]

Bertrand if I recall correctly his dad lifts the seat. DP sits down to pee and only uses the ensuite. Thing is it's the main bathroom DS uses so if I don't check then I can have guests going up to a piss covered seat.
I've said time and time again how disrespectful and lazy it is but he just says he won't do it again. I know it's a first world problem but I was on the verge of swearing at him this morning, it's every bloody day!!
I think I'll take a pp point of refusing to do something for him if he doesn't start paying a bit more attention.

[MrsJayy]

I dont mind doing washing that is in the basket however if it is not there then tough. I cured my dds laziness by making them do there own loads of washing as it had gathered in their room festering I thought bugger that it took them 6 washes and dryings but they never did it again.

[ArriettyClock1]

This is why my house rule (for residents) is sit down to pee.

[BertrandRussell]

"I want to know why my 13 yo DS can't lift the toilet seat up to have a pee and does it on the seat, again this morning I sat in it (and lost the plot with him about laziness and no respect for others) but I know it won't have any effect. I was furious !!"

What does his dad do?

[howabout]

My messy DD2 is in charge of hoovering the room she shares with her 2 sisters. Very difficult to hoover with dirty laundry all over the floor so this covers lots of bases.

Getting the 3 of them or DH to use the washing machine always leads to consternation unfortunately.

[maddiemookins16mum]

It's not just boys either. The thing is, as long as his mum continues to pick them up*, he'll continue to leave them (I speak from experience with a 12 year old DD who recently went through a slovenly stage).

• this does make you a bad mum either and certainly I am not holier than thou.

[Collywobbles1984]

My DD (13) started getting lazy with her washing about a year ago . She had a month of me nagging her, and then I got bored of listening to myself and told her to do her own washing. So if she doesn't pick it up from her bedroom floor now, she has no clean clothes! I went into her bedroom this morning, 2 dirty towels on the floor, I just turned around and left them there. When she demands that she must have a bath later on because her hair is disgusting, she'll be told to not even think of getting clean ones from the cupboard until she gets those ones washed! Bad Mummy!

[GinIsIn]

My DF had the magic cure for this. Dirty laundry on the floor? It goes in your bed. Dirty cups and plates left in the playroom? They go in your bed. Wet towels on the bathroom floor? In your bed.

Didn't take any of us very long to get the hang of clearing up after ourselves!

[Dancergirl]

I can't believe a teenaged boy doesn't generate a full load of washing a week

I have teen girls, their washing is a mix of darks/white/delicates (e.g. some knitwear, wool school jumpers, underwired bras). Dd2 will tend to over-wash and put a skirt she has worn once in the wash. We have a 3-section washing basket on the landing - one for whites, one for darks, one for delicates. Whole family puts their washing in there and when a section is full I wash it. Dd1's room is usually a tip like most teens, sometimes I pick up the odd bit of washing for her because we are a family and do nice things for each other. It's give and take - she regularly looks after dd1 when I need and is very good with her, and she's generally a very nice and pleasant teen who works hard at school and is no trouble. There are seriously far worse things to worry about than the odd bit of washing left on the floor.

[ravenmum]

I can't believe a teenaged boy doesn't generate a full load of washing a week... Or wears delicate clothes that need careful sorting.
It's not just delicates that need sorting. For example, I put pants in the hot wash as it's more hygienic. Black clothes will make light clothes look grey if they go in together. White clothes come out best if washed separately. And woollens can't go in the 40°C wash with a fast spin. My son has woollens, black clothes, light clothes, white clothes and indeed pants. Sure, when he lives alone he won't be able to separate as carefully, but until then, why not wash separately and save money on new clothes?

[mumontherun14]

Lol my son is the same, would happily live in dirty chlothes and a messy room - quite unconcerned by it.....until he has lost something in the mess and can't find it.....I am trying to train him too with mixed results.....trying to link it to pocket money to see if that will help x

[ArcheryAnnie]

fairweathercyclist but it isn't either/or. My DS does the washing, as do I, when there's a full load to be done. He puts my clothes in to make up a full wash, and I do the same for him. It's turn and turn about, not a strict division.

[picklemepopcorn]

I cannot tell you how much time it saves sorting washing, as well! No more working out whose socks are whose!

[picklemepopcorn]

My sons each do a load each week. All their clothes go in together because they don't have anything light or synthetic. There is a white synthetic gym shirt, but it goes in at 30 degrees with everything else and looks ok so far.

I sort mine and DHs because he has light shirts and I wear synthetics.

Always full loads- we have enough clothes not to do half loads.

I can't believe a teenaged boy doesn't generate a full load of washing a week... Or wears delicate clothes that need careful sorting.

[fairweathercyclist]

A 14 year old should be doing his own washing

I'd rather all the washing goes in together (obviously not darks with lights). It's not very eco-friendly to do different loads for each member of the family.