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AIBU?

Or is DH? 13 year DSD unwell and has just got into our bed...

132 replies

user1487364179 · 20/02/2017 02:07

13 year old DSD has been suffering with her first period. Came in half hour ago crying with stomach pain and got into bed next to me.

Due to me being 8 months pregnant with twins and having a tiny double bed- DH has sulked off to the sofa and is muttering under his breath like a spoilt child

OP posts:

Report

Astoria7974 · 21/02/2017 07:20

I had heavy periods from 9. Mum liked me to leave the same sheets for the week as I regularly overflowed, but I was expected to change them and wash them.

WanderingNotLost · 21/02/2017 08:54

Aww go easy on the DH folks, if I'd been woken up and booted out of my warm cosy bed and on to the sofa at 2 am for pretty much any reason, chances are I'd have had a little grumble as well!
Hope your DSD had a better time of it last night OP.

Iggi999 · 21/02/2017 13:42

I was woken up around two am this morning by a tearful child. I leapt out of bed, ascertained nothing life-threatening, soothed him back to sleep and eventually got back to my own bed. Dh slept. No grumpiness from me, perhaps if I had a penis I would feel I was entitled to complain to someone?

derivaz · 21/02/2017 17:53

How lucky she is to have you.
I don't think he is being reasonable to moan. You are heavily pregnant and still prepared to share your bed with HIS daughter. He needs to put his big boy pants on and man up. Or is he just expecting that you will do all of the night waking once the babies have arrived too?

sleeponeday · 21/02/2017 17:59

As a stepdaughter of 3 different women, I have to say I love you to bits. I assumed from the thread title that you'd be the complainer - you sound fantastic!

If he wants a more spacious bed, he can change the sheets. That's what I have to do when mine throw up, and it's his child! He seems to be saying that his DD should sleep in a bed he refuses to, and doesn't need comforting through her first periods. I do hope he has a better attitude when the twins arrive.

Slightlydippy · 21/02/2017 18:05

That was my thoughts too xx

Deathraystare · 21/02/2017 18:12

It wasn't like that when I was 11! I remember mum giving me a pamphlet all about how to 'look after' your daughter at that time of the month. Give her pain killers and a hot drink. Ha ha. She would have said you know where the pain killers are and where the kettle is. Both of us suffered very heavy painful periods. No way would I have dared get in bed with her and oust dad! There would have been all night door slamming if we even managed to oust him that is!

I am not criticising by the way, you sound like a good step mum!

katseyes7 · 21/02/2017 18:24

My (male) friend's daughter lives with him. One day when l was visiting, when she was about 15, she had bad period pain. l told her to bring her blanket, snuggled her up in it next to me on the sofa, and cuddled her. Her dad gave her some Nurofen.
Later on when she went in the bath, he said to me "Her mum wouldn't have done that...."
l remember what l was like with my periods at that age. You just need a cuddle and some sympathy. Bless.

Sallystyle · 21/02/2017 18:33

I would not be impressed to be woken up at 2.00 am.

At 13 I would expect my daughter to be able to change her own sheets. She can have comfort and hugs, but not at 2.00am. I wouldn't mind her coming in to have a quick chat but she wouldn't be sleeping with me over a period.

Your husband having a bit of a grumble about it but moving anyway does not spell bad things to come when you have your children FFS. A complete overreaction.

Deidre21 · 21/02/2017 18:38

He is unreasonable.

Awalkinthepark1 · 21/02/2017 18:47

But you can post on here not just once but twice at 2am.

hks · 21/02/2017 18:51

i can imagine it was all new and maybe scary for her Her dad was being a wee bit childish, He should be giving her a wee cuddle getting her painkillers or a waterbottle. but some men dont lreally undertand what periods are all about. My daughter also has a bad time with her periods at the start she now knows to puts a dark towel on her bed for the first few days as she leaks even with the nighttime pads Imo

Olympiathequeen · 21/02/2017 19:04

Well that's one way he can make the poor girl feel like a leper.

Nerdymum83 · 21/02/2017 20:07

He is being very unreasonable. I'd sit down and talk to him in the morning and explain to him how painful and difficult periods can be when you're that young. Mine were horrendous when I started at 10 years old.
Severely heavy, back pain, stomach craps and often nausea and vomiting.
It's not easy for a child to deal with these things. And every girl experiances it differently. This isn't a permenant thing either. Eventually she'll learn as she gets older how to deal with feeling unwell like this. But she just wanted to be close to her mum. I have 3 daughters and I'm prepared for when this happens. Luckly my husband will be more understanding too having had to help both me and his mother out when feeling unwell due to our time of the month. I know being evicted from bed at 2am is harsh. Wait till the twins are keeping him up at all hours of the night xD Mine did lol.

Goldiegirl13 · 21/02/2017 21:34

Typical male response 😂😂

booellesmum · 21/02/2017 21:39

I think perfectly reasonable for her to want to get in with you.
My DD aged 12 got in with us a couple of weeks ago after a nightmare. First time in years. They are still little and need us sometimes - the reason doesn't matter.

Ameliablue · 21/02/2017 21:50

I think at 2am being a bit grumpy is understandable, it's not like he sent her away back to her own bed to change it herself, (at that age I'd probably have rather curled up on the floor than try to change the bed in pain.)

BionicMercenary · 21/02/2017 21:57

I feel for DSD my periods were horrendous from age 12 til when i had my first child to the point where i would literally crawl downstairs to the loo, change, and go to sleep in the bathroom and spend most of the day in there so I was close enough to change again and vomit (which was every period several times a day for up to 4 days) the poor girl was heavy enough to leak onto the sheets on her FIRST period and wanted some comfort from her mum and step mum was is clearly the next best thing.. shes not too old to need a hug when she is feeling vulnerable and dad can grumble if he wants so long as its nothing nasty towards DD.. sheets dont really need changing in the middle of the night... hell i still dont change mine instantly if im in pain, it can wait til i feel better... give them all a break fgs.. well done for being a lovely step mum

msgrinch · 21/02/2017 21:57

I don't think he was unreasonable at all no one would be happy being turned out of bed no matter what the situation. At 13 she should be capable of taking a pain killer, having a quick cuddle and moan and changing a bed sheet. Its a period. Many of us have had first periods arrive at the start of a school day younger than this girl and muddle through it! As for these posts about how he'll be when the OP goes into labour Theres a huge difference between menstration and giving birth, come on.

Advicewouldbelovelyta · 21/02/2017 21:58

When I was staying with my parents after my DC was born (delayed property transfer) I got mastititus in both breasts and I slept in my parents bed with my mum, my dad slept on the sofa for 2 nights. I'm definitely a lot older than 13 lol

mellowfartfulness · 21/02/2017 22:17

I think people woken up in the middle of the night can be cut some slack for not behaving their best. I have had silent but heartfelt tantrums about toddler DS coming into our bed and keeping me awake. Didn't feel anything like as outraged about it in the light of day. If he was arsey about it the next morning I'd be very unimpressed, though.

You should like a lovely stepmum and it's great that your DSD will come to you for comfort with things like this. I remember struggling so much with my first few periods, the pain was horrible and I didn't feel ready to deal with it at all. I wouldn't have felt able to cuddle up in my mum's bed though (supportive as she tried to be) and I tried to hide sheet stains etc.

Gwenhwyfar · 21/02/2017 22:28

"I would have been highly embarrassed to have anyone changing my bloody sheets age 9, let alone age 13. How you baby these children!"

Glad I'm not the only one thinking that. How embarrassing to have someone else see that. I'd much rather change them myself.
But then, I would never have got into bed with my parents as a teenager

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LHReturns · 21/02/2017 22:34

Hear hear Gwenhwyfar.

I'm a step mum to a 12 year old DSD so I can see that OP has an excellent relationship with her DSD which is absolutely fantastic.

However I think there are lots of other ways to show love, compassion and sympathy in this situation which don't involve a teenager getting into my bed with me and my DH. Maybe she gets into bed with them all the time when she needs comfort - in which case i accept that we operate very differently. If one of my DSC has a problem in the night then either DH or I will go to them and resettle them, they don't come into our bed.

I am with the DH on this one.

Badhairday1001 · 21/02/2017 22:34

I would still do that now if I lived with my mum and I'm 35. Your never too old to get in bed with your mum if your feeling shit.

Gwenhwyfar · 21/02/2017 22:36

Badhairday - I find that so odd. Would you sit on her knee as well?

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