Or is DH? 13 year DSD unwell and has just got into our bed...

[user1487364179]

13 year old DSD has been suffering with her first period. Came in half hour ago crying with stomach pain and got into bed next to me.

Due to me being 8 months pregnant with twins and having a tiny double bed- DH has sulked off to the sofa and is muttering under his breath like a spoilt child

[Badhairday1001]

U2 I also sleep with my friends if the opportunity arises and my sister, I'm really not fussy. I'm 35 with 3 kids and not particularly immature. I just find comfort in having people I love close. My kids are always in my bed and can't ever imagine a time when I will discourage it. I wouldn't force it either though, I'm not that bad 😂

[BaconMaker]

Also Llanali most people don't want to send their children to boarding school exactly because they won't have a parent to hand to offer love and sympathy. I'm sure lots of kids thrive at boarding school but many absolutely hate it. Lots of 13 year olds aren't ready to grow up and live without emotional support.

[BaconMaker]

Also I didn't say you personally were unpleasant but the people claiming they know how painful all periods are and the people claiming that it's inappropriate to get into bed with your mum. No one is claiming everyone should do it - we can by sympathetic in different ways but to claim it shows a "lack of boundaries" is unpleasant.

[BaconMaker]

Just as well that no one said they were an expert on how other people experience periods isn't it?


People said periods are just a "minor discomfort". That may be true for them but not for others.

[Llanali]

I completely agree with U2!

I was at boarding school by then; we didn't crawl into bed with our boarding mistresses and it didn't ruin my relationship with my mother by not having sympathy.

And someone earlier said DSD was probably confused..,., really? Confused about what. Biology and sex Ed definitely covers menstrustion by age 13.

[Sallystyle]

breath*

[Sallystyle]

I am not unpleasant. I will be very sympathetic to my daughter's period problems as I get awful periods as well.

I just won't have her sleeping with me at 2.00am. I will talk to her, get her some pain killers and send her back to bed. I don't think that's unpleasant.


It's fine for different people to feel comfortable with different things and the fact that you have a pair of ovaries doesn't make you an expect on how other people experience their periods.

Just as well that no one said they were an expert on how other people experience periods isn't it?

The OP isn't wrong to have her in bed, it's lovely of her. Her husband isn't wrong for moaning under his bead while moving to the couch because his 13 year old daughter wants to sleep in his bed. It most certainly doesn't mean he will be shit at looking after his newborns

[BaconMaker]

Some posters are so unpleasant. I barely notice my period but my best friend who is far more stoic than me is sometimes immobilised with pain. Likewise I wouldn't get into bed with my mum but my Sil often hops into bed with Mil. They like it, it harms no one there is literally nothing wrong with it.

Some people seem to have trouble distinguishing what they would do/feel from what other people do/feel. It's fine for different people to feel comfortable with different things and the fact that you have a pair of ovaries doesn't make you an expect on how other people experience their periods.

[Sallystyle]

Sadly, if his attitude to his teen DD waking him at 2am is anything to go by, he isnt going to be doing much caring of his newborn DC's either

What a load of tosh. It's ok to moan about being woken up at 2.00am. He slept elsewhere, it isn't like he refused. I used to moan when the kids woke me up under my breath but I bloody did it.

Also, there is a big difference between having to wake up to feed and change a newborn and waking up for a 13 year old's periods.

[hungrypanda2008]

My otherwise 'full on parent' partner who often is the main carer, is useless at being woken up at night. It's always annoyed me (and I tell him) as I've always done the night time shift but that said, in the morning he'd be up changing the sheets etc. I suppose what I'm trying to say, if everything is equal normally but likes his sleep, sometimes that's the compromise.

[Sallystyle]

I would still do that now if I lived with my mum and I'm 35. Your never too old to get in bed with your mum if your feeling shit.

You really are.

I am super close to my mum but getting in bed with her at my age (I'm 35) when I'm unwell? Hell no. A hug? fine, but getting in bed just does not compute.

I had to sleep in bed with her once when we had to go to a hotel and there was only one bed. It was awkward and I felt like a little kid sleeping with her. I won't repeat it again.

I would have been highly embarrassed to have anyone changing my bloody sheets age 9, let alone age 13. How you baby these children!

Yep.

[nooka]

I expect like any of us he will struggle. I know I struggled when my babies were tiny, and I too get grumpy when my children wake me up in the middle of the night. Doesn't mean I don't/didn't do what needs to be done.

[PyongyangKipperbang]

Yes but Nooka they are expecting twins. Twins who need more than a cuddle and a kind word at 2 am and 4am and 6am...... if he cant cope with one self caring teen who had a bad night, what on earth is he going to be like with twins who need constant care 24/7?

[nooka]

I don't think the DH reacted too well in the middle of the night, but the OP posted in the morning to say he'd got up and changed the bed so I don't think he's that bad of a guy.

Poor dd. I had awful periods as a child which my mother was completely unsympathetic about - she had totally regular periods and no pain so assumed I was just being rubbish/pathetic with my painful and completely irregular periods - she only started being nice to me after she was put on HRT and had a bad period herself. dh was always lovely to me, and is equally lovely to dd when she gets horrible cramps.

[PyongyangKipperbang]

Ifly

Sadly, if his attitude to his teen DD waking him at 2am is anything to go by, he isnt going to be doing much caring of his newborn DC's either :(

Good luck OP.

[Iflyaway]

Give the guy a break, it's 2am.

Why? Better to get him into training for all night waking with twins to take care of!

[mammamic]

DD is nearly 13 and still asks me to sleep I her bed if she's unwell and if I'm not around, she asks her dad. They're children and they want comforting. Last week I woke with her beside me - she'd had a nightmare. Cherish these needy moments / in the blink of an eye she's a teen / so I know thrust another blink and she'll be leaving home.

[Spudlet]

gurl That is absolutely lovely and may have caused some dust to get into my eye. I hope you feel better now. You must be so proud of having raised such a lovely young man.

[GurlwiththeCurl]

Just a thought for those making negative comments about teens needing cuddles in parents' beds. I was terribly ill a couple of days ago. As I lay in bed weeping in fear and gasping for breath, two strong arms held me tight against a manly chest as my twenty something Ds2 comforted me. "You did it for me, Mum, when I needed you. Now I am doing it for you". I fell asleep in his arms.

[largepinotplease]

I think it's lovely that she feels comfortable enough to get into bed with you when she feels vulnerable. I understand that of course in your situation it's not very comfortable for you but I'm guessing you'd like a good relationship with her so I'd let her climb in with me and DH can sulk off on his own for one night! I do think that he should have cleared up the mess and said no more about it, he needs to step up!

[mathanxiety]

The way he is acting about your DSD needing some love and comfort now.....thats how he will react when you are struggling post partum and have twin babies to take care of.

I think this^^ definitely bears reposting.

Your DSD is lucky to have you. Periods are most definitely not all in like a lamb and out like a lion. You can get periods from hell right from the start and they can stay that way.

Hopefully you will be able to tell DH that the correct response last night and from now on to his daughter's pain would have been to go and get some pain reliever and a hot water bottle.

Maybe this teen missed her mum at this time? Maybe she doesn't have the close relationship with her mum that she has with her stepmum? Or maybe she felt flat out miserable, in pain, sick, headachey, shocked at the blood on the sheets?

OP, I would definitely sit him down and maybe show him a few descriptions of periods that people have posted here? It's possible he considers periods a minor inconvenience and if so, he may need both a little education and an attitude adjustment - his DD may have a horrible time every four weeks from now on.

[hollinhurst84]

Mine aren't mildly uncomfortable. I feel sick or throw up, get pain down my legs, in my back, stomach cramps, go faint with pain and then flood everywhere to top it off
They're similar in intensity to bone marrow pain I get which other people have said is horrendous

[mellowfartfulness]

Spunny - it's more than mildly uncomfortable for some people. I've had period pain bad enough to make me puke - much the same as early labour pain for me. Even in less unpleasant months, it's plenty nasty enough to scare and upset a child experiencing it for the first time.

A teen who's willing to ask for this kind of comfort is, hopefully, a teen who will come to her parents for help if she finds herself in a difficult or scary situation growing up. I wish I'd been able to do that as a teen.

[goingmadinthecountry]

No-one is unreasonable. Pain being ousted in the middle of the night but it happens. We're allowed to moan,even when we love people very much.

[VanessaBet]

I think those who see think period pain is 'mild discomfort' don't realise how excruiating they can be for others. Mine are a lot better since having children, but as a teen and young woman they were awful, early labour type cramps and often vomiting. I still get the occasional bad one but now know how best to medicate. The single paracetamol I was given my my parents at 13 didn't really cut it! There is a whole spectrum of possible pains and whilst I have a high pain threshold generally I have had periods that have made me cry, especially in the middle of the night when you're woken up to it.